When I first started dating, words used to mean so much to me.
Now, it means very little.
Words of affirmation are still one of my love languages, but after all the deception and gaslighting I’ve experienced and seen other people experience, it’s no longer number one.
Now, I listen to words and enjoy them, but I don’t let them sweep me entirely off my feet because, girl, people lie!
Oh, they do.
A man can tell you that he loves you and not mean it.
Why?
Well, I don’t know.
Perhaps to get you to believe it so you can be strung along, or because he wants to get in your pants, or because he’s just a pathological liar.
But you know what? You don’t have to be scared because my grandma used to say, “A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.”
What this means is that if you’re wise and patient enough, you’ll be able to tell if he’s lying.
But I won’t leave you to figure it out yourself, I’ll tell you what the signs are so you can detect it fast.
10 Signs He Is Lying About Loving You
1. He only says it when he’s sleeping with you
If the only times you get to hear those words are times when he’s trying to get carnal knowledge of you or already doing it, something is not right.
Sex is an experience that makes people say things they don’t mean sometimes.
It’s like liquor.
His saying he loves you during sex is not something you should take seriously because he might be speaking under the influence of hormones or might be saying it just to get you to respond.
This is one of the reasons I never support sex outside of marriage.
When he knows that saying he loves you is not a cheap way to get into your bed, he’ll think twice before trying to deceive you.
2. His actions contradict his words
Actions speak louder than words, and if his actions are consistently on mute, it’s a red flag.
He says he loves you, yet he treats you like trash.
Girl, he’s lying.
When Nigerian artiste Davido said, “If I tell you say I love you oh, my body, my money na your own oh baby.”
That’s the energy of a person that’s truly in love.
He gives you everything: his love, respect, resources, and kindness.
But a man who says, “I’ll do anything for you,” but somehow can’t manage to show up when you need him is not a man of his word.
I’ll never forget when my friend Vanessa was dating one of such men.
This guy promised her heaven on earth and loved to say things like, “You’re my priority,” but when Vanessa’s car broke down one rainy evening, he didn’t even offer to help.
You won’t believe this guy texted her saying, “You got this, babe!” while she struggled to find a cab.
Thankfully, she didn’t need much convincing after that to end things with him.
If she had stayed, she’d have seen more shege (Nigerian parlance for suffering or torment).
Real love isn’t about fancy promises; it’s about being there when it matters, showing love and affection even when it’s not convenient, and being selfless.
If he talks a big game but never backs it up, he’s not being honest about his feelings.
You know he’s a liar when he claims to value you yet leaves you on read consistently.
You’ve been asking yourself if he’s playing with you, or you’re just overthinking it.
Let me help you spell it out; he’s playing with you, Sis.
3. He never apologizes
This is one flag that is super red, yet many ladies don’t seem to see it.
They see a red flag but maybe think it’s a carnival of some sort because I don’t understand why they still stay regardless.
Love is humble, and when someone truly cares about you, they’ll own up to their mistakes.
You may need to read that again and even echo it for the ladies at the back to hear better.
If he can’t apologize, it’s a sign he might not value what you guys share as much as he claims.
Instead of apologizing, he’s always making it look like you’re at fault or accusing you of overreacting, girl, run.
He’s either not mature or lacks respect.
4. Something feels off
I don’t know about you, but when I speak with people, I listen beyond what their mouths say.
I watch their body language, behavior, eyes, everything.
People don’t have the ability to pretend as much as they give themselves credit for.
If you pay close attention, you’ll be able to tell that they’re lying, even when they’re the smoothest talkers.
Sometimes, you don’t need a list of signs; your intuition already knows because you’ve picked it up in his body language or energy.
If you have a persistent feeling that something isn’t right, trust it.
He might say all the right things and treat you well enough, but if you can’t shake the feeling that his love isn’t genuine, then maybe it’s because it isn’t.
Real love brings peace, not doubt.
5. He hides you and hides from you
If there’s no transparency, the love is a lie.
Take it from me.
Love thrives in the light, not in the shadows.
I get that sometimes, people want to keep their relationship private for reasons best known to them.
Perhaps they just appreciate their privacy or don’t want people all up in their business because too many people ruin good things sometimes.
But the privacy should be done based on mutual agreement between you two, not him forcing you to be kept a secret.
Also, there’s quite a large difference between keeping a relationship private and making it a secret.
You can very much keep your relationship private without making it a secret.
Anyone who is truly in love knows that their partner is not a secret to be kept.
If he’s hiding you from his family, friends, or social media, it’s a clear sign something’s off.
You’ve been dating him for months, yet he hasn’t introduced you to a single friend.
When you ask why, he shrugs and says he’s just a private person, yet he has no problem posting pictures of his new sneakers or his dog on Instagram.
You better wise up.
If someone truly loves you, they’ll want the world to know, not keep you locked away like a secret they’re afraid to share.
Like I said, being private and being hidden are two very different things.
If he’s always dodging opportunities to include you in his life, it might be because his feelings aren’t genuine.
Talking about secrets, if he’s always hiding stuff from you, that’s another handwriting on the wall.
Everyone indeed deserves privacy, but excessive secrecy can be a sign of dishonesty.
If he’s constantly hiding his phone or dodging simple questions, it’s worth looking deeper.
6. He gets defensive when you question his love
Whenever I ask my husband how much he loves me, he never hesitates like a child to show me how big, using his hands to illustrate.
It always makes me laugh like a girl but also warms my heart and makes my belly flutter.
It’s a beautiful reassurance that I don’t even know I need many times.
If the love is genuine, it won’t fear accountability.
If you ever ask him to explain his feelings and he gets angry or defensive, it’s a sign he’s hiding something.
A guy who truly loves you will gladly share his feelings instead of making you feel bad for asking.
Granted, not every man is emotionally expressive or even vocal, but judging from his unique personality, you should be able to tell when he’s just dismissing you.
However, regardless of the kind of person he is, if he always avoids discussing his emotions or lashes out when you seek clarity, chances are high that he’s hiding his lack of sincere love.
Communication is the foundation of any solid relationship; it shouldn’t become a battlefield.
7. He’s not committed to a future with you
Love naturally looks ahead.
It’s a deep feeling that wants to be sustained into the future.
One of the first signs that made me know my husband was the one was how futuristic he was in his conversations from day one.
From our first conversations, he was already giving me hints that he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together.
He wasn’t joking about it, and it was so beautiful.
If he changes the subject whenever you mention the future, he might not see one with you.
A man who is not willing to include you in his long-term plans is a man whose love is not as real as he says.
If he’s truly in love with you, he will be excited to dream, plan, and build a future together.
Don’t make excuses for him, or you’ll be in shock eventually.
8. He doesn’t show deep interest in you
You know how someone can just be nonchalant about you?
That is not the character of love.
When a man is in love with you, he’s interested in you.
He will want to know about your hobbies, friends, and everything that makes you happy.
So if he seems uninterested in things related to you or is just generally not curious about you, perhaps he doesn’t really love you as he claims.
When someone loves you, they’ll naturally want to be involved in your world.
They won’t be distracted when they’re with you or act like they’d rather be somewhere else.
You can’t be pouring out your heart about your stressful week, and he’s sitting there scrolling through memes.
That’s not a man who loves you.
9. He’s lukewarm
If there’s one thing I thoroughly dislike, it’s unstable people.
People who can’t pick a side.
Today, they’re all nice and kind, but tomorrow, they’re aloof or even mean.
I just want to scream, “Make a decision and stick to it. Stop confusing me!” in their ears.
One day, he’s all over you, and the next, he’s distant and uninterested.
He’ll leave you wondering if you did something wrong because he’s almost like an entirely different person.
This behavior causes an emotional rollercoaster for you and can be tiring.
But one thing you need to know is that it’s often a sign of insincerity.
If he shows you love for a short while and then leaves you chasing his affection and unsure of where you stand the next minute, that’s not real love.
Real love doesn’t leave you guessing; it provides stability and reassurance.
10. He’s only interested in physical intimacy
When we talk about intimacy, most people think it’s just about physical activities like holding hands, kissing, and making love.
And don’t get me wrong, physical chemistry is great, but true intimacy goes beyond that.
There’s also an emotional connection, and that’s sometimes even deeper.
If he’s eager to get in bed with you but not as willing to share his thoughts, fears, or dreams, he might be lying about loving you.
It can’t always be about sex all the time; that’s a sign that the feelings he claims to have lack depth.
Loving someone who might be lying about loving you can be heartbreaking, but recognizing the signs is the first step to protecting your heart.
I’m always pro-protecting your heart, especially for my girlies.
Don’t remain blind to the warning signs and be deluded.
Always remember that love isn’t just about words; it’s about actions, consistency, and effort.
If any of these signs I shared relate to your situation, I want you to keep the hurt aside and take time to reflect and decide if this is the love you truly deserve.