Marriage can be beautiful, but let’s be honest, it’s not always smooth sailing.
As the popular saying goes, “Marriage is not always a bed of roses.”
Unfortunately, it does not depend on whether you married the right person or not.
No matter who you marry, marriage is not smooth sailing.
However, for those who married the right person – apart from the occasional headbutt due to human’s natural selfishness – you might not have to deal with preventable stress in marriage.
Conversely, your partner can make things more complicated than they need to be, adding fire to the usual stress that comes with marriage.
This is what happens when you are married to a difficult husband.
You need to know when you are because dealing with a difficult husband will often leave you frustrated and emotionally drained.
While nobody is perfect, there’s a big difference between occasional missteps and consistent unhealthy behavior patterns.
Identifying these patterns is essential to finding a solution so you are not subjected to a miserable marriage all your life.
That said, let’s check out these signs.
8 Signs Of A Difficult Husband
1. He Is Overly Critical Of Everything You Do
It is impossible to live together with someone for a while and not see something to complain about.
They are not perfect, after all.
Plus, sometimes, you may have an issue with their way of doing things because it’s different from what you are used to.
So, occasional criticism is not an anomaly in a marriage.
However, if you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough for your husband, you might be dealing with a difficult husband.
A difficult husband often finds fault with everything his wife does, including the littlest things.
You will find him nitpicking over the smallest details, leaving you feeling defeated and questioning yourself.
A problematic man struggles to offer support or encouragement.
Rather, he’s quick to criticize, sometimes even in front of others.
If this sounds familiar, your husband could be a difficult one.
2. He Never Takes Responsibility For His Actions
As I implied earlier, nobody is perfect.
It is impossible to always be free of blame when you and your spouse are fighting or addressing an issue in the home.
The average person recognizes that they could be at fault for an issue, and when they see it, they are quick to apologize.
But a difficult husband rarely owns up to his mistakes.
If something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault – yours, the kids, or even something as ridiculous as the weather.
Of course, you will suffer the brunt of his accusations.
Except when he absolutely cannot, the accusing finger of a problematic husband always points to his wife.
This will make resolving conflicts nearly impossible.
How do you fix a problem when one person refuses to acknowledge it?
Accountability is necessary for a marriage to thrive, but this word is missing from the dictionary of a difficult husband.
3. He Avoids Meaningful Communication
Think about it: when was the last time you had a deep conversation with your husband?
If you can remember, this likely doesn’t relate to you.
But if you cannot, chances are this article is for you.
If he brushes off your attempts to talk about important issues or deflects with humor or anger, you might be dealing with a difficult partner.
Of course, a man avoiding communication does not always mean he is difficult; it could point to other reasons, even though they are still negative.
However, if you have tried to bring up conversations that are vital for the health of your marriage and he is not interested, no matter how politely you approach it, he is likely being difficult.
Meaningful communication cannot be overemphasized in marriage.
Without it, misunderstandings and emotional distance creep in.
An average person in marriage knows this, but a difficult husband doesn’t care.
4. He Is Controlling And Manipulative
A level of control is allowed in marriage.
I know a lot of people associate the word with negative connotations, and I don’t blame them because of how damaging it is when it is abused.
So, I understand that and am willing to acquiesce to using an alternative word, like accountability.
Couples should be accountable to each other and even demand it on some level.
However, they should also enjoy a level of independence, especially on issues that don’t necessarily affect the union, like dressing, friends, work, and so on – to the extent that they don’t affect your marriage.
This will be hard for a difficult spouse, though.
If you are with a demanding husband, it is only a matter of time before you feel like you’re losing pieces of yourself.
Chances are he will dictate what you wear, where you go, who you talk to, and everything you do.
If he finds that you don’t yield as easily, he may guilt-trip you or use manipulation to get his way, making you second-guess your choices and lose your sense of independence.
In this case, of course, it is becoming abusive.
But then again, the chances that a difficult husband is abusive are very high, so it is not surprising that being controlling is one of the signs of a difficult husband.
Remember that being difficult is about making your life hell, so anything goes for such a man.
5. He Constantly Invalidates Your Feelings
A difficult husband often makes you feel you overreact or are too sensitive.
If you’re upset, he might say, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” or “Why are you always so emotional?”
Then, he might throw in this thing some men do where they make having emotions wrong, making you feel guilty for having them.
Now, I’m not saying you should be emotional about everything; a proper balance of logic and emotions is vital.
However, emotions are not bad because we are humans, not robots.
But he doesn’t care about all these anyway; what matters for a difficult husband is frustrating you in whatever way he can.
If it is invalidating your feelings, that works at that point, so be it.
6. He Prioritizes His Needs Over Yours
A healthy marriage is a good balance of your way and his way and your needs and his needs.
In a good marriage, nobody’s needs are made to feel more important; that’s why compromising is necessary.
But if you are dealing with a difficult husband, chances are he will put his wants, needs, and opinions above yours.
You will find that he expects you to accommodate him without question, including in decisions about what to eat, where to go, or even how to spend money.
Your desires will never matter in a marriage with a difficult husband.
7. He Is Quick To Anger And Unpredictable
A difficult husband may have a short temper, reacting explosively over minor issues.
This kind of man is stressful to live with because he is unpredictable.
His mood swings can make the household unstable, making everyone anxious and tense.
With a difficult husband, you never know if a small mistake will result in a calm discussion or a heated argument.
You will always be on your toes, walking on eggshells because you are afraid to say the wrong thing or move the wrong way, as anything can trigger him.
If you always feel this tension whereby you are never relaxed and often watchful about everything, you are likely married to a difficult husband.
8. He Gives You The Silent Treatment Frequently
Silent treatment is a common tactic used by difficult husbands to punish or control their partners.
Instead of resolving conflicts, you will find that he stonewalls you, leaving you to deal with the emotional fallout alone.
This behavior is not only immature but also damaging to the relationship.
But a difficult husband doesn’t care about being seen as immature; he is more interested in making life unbearable for you.
And what better way to frustrate you than make you feel you are talking to a wall?
He is also not concerned about damaging the relationship.
If he were, he wouldn’t be difficult.
Instead, if he had an issue with you, he would address it and seek a solution.
Wow…this article describes my husband and our relationship to a tee. Does also validate my feelings.
That is not being difficult, that’s being narcissistic and manipulative. I know, I’ve been married to one for 41 years.
Are you still married to him? If so how have you stayed this long?
This is totally my husband…..dealing with this is so hard I find myself just going about doing what I do alone because of his behavior
This described my bf as well. I will never marry this man due to this behavior. Unfortunately I’ve finally figured out there’s nothing I can do to change him so I will be getting out of this soon. I seem to be repeatedly meeting men who act this way. All control and abuse. Maybe one day I’ll wise up and pick someone who can love me and not possess me.
You will. Just look out for red flags.
You can search this blog for red flags and you’ll see topics on red flags women ignore.
It’ll help you.
most red blooded republican american males completely embrace this way of thinking. Which is scary to me.
“Republican American Males” Just because someone is conservative in their thinking doesn’t mean they are controlling, or abusive. It could just mean they don’t want to use drugs or party all the time. They think a little deeper than that.
hahahahaha typical democratic way of thinking.. clown
@Cheryl Kilpelainen, wow, just wow
@Cheryl Kilpelainen, Really. Do you actually know any red blooded Republican men? Well I happen to know a whole lot of these men and they are nothing like you believe they are. Most are smart, kind, caring and funny and a whole lot of fun. Especially if they are Christians. Maybe you are holding on to an impaired preconceived belief instead of really getting to know someone. Why are liberal women such man haters? There is a type of “sickness” among liberal democrats that makes them just hate anyone who doesn’t believe everything that they believe. I think the sickness is called hate. Hate ultimately corrodes the hater and turns them into judgemental, self righteous, beligerant people that seem very unhappy and bitter. What a terrible waste of life. Always thinking they are smarter, better and just more moral and caring about others than any republicans could ever be.
@Cheryl Kilpelainen,
That is a really crappy statement. I have been married to a great husband for 33 years who is a republican. So stop your nonsense and get a grip. Maybe you are the problem Cheryl!
@Cheryl Kilpelainen,
@Cheryl Kilpelainen, That’s not a Republican or conservative man, that’s any man.
@Cheryl Kilpelainen, what I meant to say is that that could be any man. I know a lot of very honorable conservative men, and have met a lot of pervy liberal men. But there are also some absolutely wonderful liberal men and some very creepy conservative men. It has nothing to do. it has little to do with politics, but the morals that that person has.
@Sheryl, No, that’s not any man- that’s a narcissist. Plain and simple. Women can be narcissists too. It has nothing to do with gender, or race or politics. It is a mental sickness that runs in families. It can’t be cured, but they are very good at masking it in the ‘honeymoon’ phase. All you can do is learn about it and get away from people who have it. For those who wonder why anyone would want to be like this is simply, it works for them. It is a learned behavior, and they get their way, so why should they change?
Wow this is my husband too.
To Cheryl’s comment-
Let’s leave politics out of it. Has nothing to do with politics. 🙄
My husband to a tee… took me 30 yrs to figure out what it was called….6 years later I’ve had a lot of health problems and it’s only gotten worse
Hey, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m going through this as well. But I’m only 8 years into this and thinking and planning on getting out. because I’m just now starting to see health problems. The stress is unbearable. I feel so unhappy. I’ve lost myself trying to fix him and fix this relationship. Now it feels like he’s turned the kids against me. Turns friends, family, and separates me away from everybody, and now the kids. I’m always the crazy one because I react to his actions. I feel like a person can only take so much. and I’m at that point.. It’s 😭.
@Ginny,
I too experienced this… but a I got divorced and am engaged to a wonderful guy who is republican 🤣🤣and am happy and healthier!!!Hope your health gets better !
If any of you are in this position, get out now! the longer you stay the worse it gets. bless you. I wish you all peace.
describes my 38 year marriage exactly – I have to always do everything and be the understanding one. it is hard but
i am disabled and have no choice – I have nobody else and cant live alone.
Sadly my sons married To a women like this 😞
That’s not always the case. I’m going thru with my wife. But I see myself doing it also. How can I stop this? I’ve been diagnosed with schizo affective disorder and she doesn’t or won’t read on it to understand it. I’m trying to understand this myself and change but when it doesn’t matter to her why should I
Omg all the list are ✔️ dont know how to deal with it anymore.. so difficult specially with kids 😞
This was literally my ex husband of 18 years. He also did things that are not on this list! Bad things. He was, well is a full-blown narcissist. Nothing will ever change him. 3 of our 4 son’s have cut him out of their life and healing from the abuse. The 4th son meets up for lunch with him from time to time because he sees the man is getting old and he feels bad for him. My son’s all have a very good heart but boundaries are important to keep the peaceful life you have to build.
Not husband, long term partner, 20+ years, he is an attorney, I get the lawyer additude, if you try to say anything to him, criticism, correct, he stomps off like a little b**ch, slams his door. The worst is his poor me , which I call the Eyor mode.
Bottom line, if you want peace in my house, don’t talk to him about anything important, and let him believe he’s making all important decisions, don’t bother him during a game, or while he’s cooking, and eating, and when he tells you his travel plans with his friends, just say, “have a good time” cuz you want him to leave for a few days anyway. Never expect accountability from him, there’s always something or someone else to blame.
I agree: This is true of BOTH spouses, why pick on men. Change title. ( unless this is written by a woman!)
“8 SIGNS OF A DIFFICULT SPOUSE ! “
There’s one on ”difficult wives as well.”
https://olubunmimabel.com/signs-you-are-a-difficult-wifey/
All of these can pertain to the female of the relationship, as well. ESPECIALLY 2, 3, 5 & 6!!
Why would you marry a guy with these 8 problems, issues never in my life time
I’m married to a ‘difficult husband’ for 30yrs! Why do we women put up with this for years and don’t move on? It’s so hard living with such a man. I know some women think of the financial side and such if they leave, but there are some women like me who are financially capable yet carry on. I’m 50 now and still suffering this relationship, it has made me hard and strong, I’ve no more tears left to shed for my him and my marriage, my heart is empty and I have no feelings left for him anymore, I don’t hate him anymore I don’t like him anymore. I just pray that I do not want to be reunited with him in heaven, I don’t want to see him there.
What about mental abuse
I thank God I’ve been married to a kind, considerate man 44 years and he is kind to others. He is Republican even though that doesn’t matter.