Relationships are supposed to be a sanctuary of love, trust, and mutual respect.
But what happens when the sanctuary is desecrated by the manipulative actions of one partner?
The relationship that once felt like a sanctuary now feels like a very toxic place to be.
The truth is that manipulation in relationships is usually a subtle affair.
It begins really slowly and quietly before it begins to gather momentum.
This is the point at which it becomes really obvious that you are dancing to your partner’s tunes.
I mean, it becomes really obvious to everyone else other than the victim of the manipulation.
Manipulation is a trap.
Victims don’t usually realize they are trapped until it is too late.
However, I firmly believe that early discovery of the signs of manipulation can reduce the damage and also help victims of manipulation moving forward.
Recognizing the signs of manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your freedom.
Here are the various signs that you are being manipulated in a relationship.
8 Signs That You’re Being Manipulated In A Relationship
1. You are always the one apologizing
One time, a man was telling us about the secrets of marriage.
Like most married men, he was trying to educate us from his vast wisdom in marital matters.
He said, “As a married man, you need to know how to apologize because you will apologize when you are wrong for being wrong, and even when you are right, you will still apologize for being right”.
Of course, it was very funny to us, but I wasn’t going to let him be my marriage role model.
If you find yourself saying “I’m sorry” even when you did nothing wrong, it is a sign that there is something wrong in your relationship.
The first sign of manipulation in a relationship is a partner who is never wrong.
They are always right.
Manipulators have a knack for twisting situations to make you feel guilty even when you are innocent of any wrongdoing.
I understand the need of the man in the example above to keep the peace in his marriage.
However, the fact that he even has to apologize for being right is a terrible sign.
So, basically, if you realize that you always have to apologize to keep the peace even when you are not wrong, it is a sign that you are in a manipulative relationship.
2. Your feelings are disregarded
One thing I have noticed about manipulators is that they usually don’t care about your feelings.
They only care about themselves because a manipulator is usually a very selfish person.
One time, a “friend” came to me complaining of hunger.
At that point in my life, I was terribly broke, and what I had left wasn’t even enough.
When I told him this, he asked me to give him the money on me even though he knew that I was going to starve if I did.
That day, I realized how selfish he was.
The thing about selfish people is that they are only concerned about their feelings.
They find it really easy to dismiss other people’s feelings.
Have you ever tried expressing your feelings to your partner, only to be met with the words, “You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive?”
This is a classic manipulation tactic.
If your partner continuously dismisses your feelings, you may start to doubt the validity of your feelings.
When you start questioning your feelings and perceptions, you become more pliable.
It is easier to manipulate people who are unsure of how they feel or if their feelings are even right.
A friend told me that her boyfriend forgot that they were supposed to go on a Valentine’s date together.
She tried reaching out to him, but his phone was switched off throughout.
He called her the next day to say that he forgot he had a date with her.
She was angry and wanted to end things, but after talking to him, he managed to make her feel that she was blowing things out of proportion.
She is still with him.
The moment your partner starts dismissing your feelings, frequently take note.
It is a sign that you are being manipulated in that relationship.
3. They always play the victim
Manipulators are masters of playing the victim card.
It is part of what gives them control over their victims.
One time, I saw a lady get angry and destroy a lot of stuff in her boyfriend’s apartment.
What did she say after her destructive streak?
She didn’t apologize.
She didn’t get him a new TV or a new PlayStation 5.
She said, “You know how I get when I am angry, and you still annoyed me”.
I was amazed.
When you are being manipulated in a relationship, no matter what happens, they always find a way to turn the tables and make themselves the injured party.
If you bring up an issue, they might respond, “I can’t believe you’re attacking me like this after everything I’ve done for you.”
Suddenly, the focus shifts from your concerns to their feelings.
You start wondering if you are not just being very ungrateful.
After all, your partner has done a lot for you.
The moment you start having these thoughts, you are already attaching the strings by which you will be controlled by yourself.
No matter how much your partner has done for you, it should never make you accept red flags as normal behavior.
Abusive partners love to use this particular tactic to keep their victims stuck in the relationship.
4. They isolate you from friends and family
One thing a manipulator dislikes the most is their victim having a support system.
This will make their manipulations less likely to work.
So, the first thing they do is to cut their victims off from other people who can help them.
They may do this by criticizing your close friends and family members.
I remember one time a guy made his girlfriend cut off her closest friend because according to him, she was the reason for all her relationship failures.
He said this because he didn’t like her feminist ideologies and was scared she was rubbing off on his girlfriend.
The girlfriend cut her friend off just to prove that she is a submissive and obedient girlfriend.
This is how the isolation begins.
First, it’s your friends because they are too rowdy or have different ideologies from your partner.
Then, it’s your family members and the crazy part is that they always have a reason why you shouldn’t be associating with those people.
When they don’t, they simply create drama to drive a wedge between you or make you feel guilty for spending time with any other person except them.
From my days in secondary school, I hated the idea of having a best friend who got jealous when I talked to other people.
It shouldn’t be so.
Not even in romantic relationships.
Y’all should have lives outside your relationship, and if it feels like you don’t, it is usually a sign that you are being manipulated in your relationship.
5. They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a major tool in the hands of any manipulator.
As the hammer is to carpentry, so is gaslighting to manipulation.
Manipulators love to gaslight.
They make you question your own perception of what is going on in your life.
It may feel like an exaggeration, but the truth is that you can see a black gown, and a manipulator can make you believe it is white.
A manipulator can make you question your own memory, perception, or sanity.
For example, they might deny saying something hurtful, even though you remember it clearly.
When this happens consistently, it makes you start doubting yourself.
You start believing their version of reality, and soon, you are totally dependent on them.
If your partner blatantly questions your thoughts, it is a sign that you are being manipulated in your relationship.
6. They weaponize love
Love can be said to be many things, but it is never a weapon.
And it should never be wielded as a weapon.
However, if your partner’s love comes with ultimatums and conditions, it is a sign that something is wrong.
Your partner’s love is like when a company advertises a great promo just to reel customers in and then ends with “terms and conditions apply”.
This makes you feel like you can’t get anything good without some hidden strings attached.
If your partner says things like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this for me”, or “I’ll leave if you don’t change”, they’re using love as a tool to control you.
This isn’t love—it’s manipulation disguised as affection.
This reminds me of how many guys convinced ladies to have sex with them back in the day.
I can emphatically state that many girls lost their virginities just to prove their love for guys who were just after sex alone.
It is manipulation for your partner to start giving you ultimatums in your relationship.
7. You feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner
One time, I was friends with a very manipulative lady.
We were just friends, but she was very manipulative.
She knew how to manipulate people to get whatever she wanted.
She would call you, and if you didn’t respond to the call, she would start sending you text messages about how you have abandoned her.
So, you would always want to do what she wants so she doesn’t start ranting about how everyone hates her.
One time, I got tired of being manipulated and told her to stop being manipulative.
We don’t talk anymore, and I have never felt so much peace in my life.
My point is that if you’re constantly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, it’s a red flag.
Manipulators thrive on control, and they often use fear or unpredictability to keep you on edge.
You might find yourself overthinking every word and every action just to avoid setting them off.
This isn’t love—it’s a power play!
You are being manipulated, and you need to get out of that relationship before it is too late.
8. You feel drained
Constantly being on edge and walking on eggshells around your partner can be a really draining experience.
If this is what your relationship looks like, it is no wonder you feel drained.
Anyone will feel drained in your position.
A healthy relationship should leave you feeling uplifted and supported.
But if you’re constantly feeling emotionally drained, it’s a sign that something is off.
Manipulators suck the energy out of you with their demands, drama, and mind games.
They suck away your joy and happiness.
Now, all you have left is a sense of relief when your partner is happy and panic when they are not.
It is like they’re a black hole, pulling you in and leaving you empty.
The human version of the Bermuda Triangle, I must say.
You can’t continue your relationship this way…
You will be totally drained of life before your partner is done with you.
Recognizing manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
It’s not easy to confront, especially when you care about the person doing it.
However, you have to because you deserve better.
If you see these signs in your relationship, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate.
Talk to a trusted friend, seek professional guidance, or simply give yourself the space to reflect.
You are not a puppet!
So, cut the strings that tie you to that relationship and walk away with your head raised high.
You were made a free spirit.
You deserve to remain free!