When we talk about abuse in a romantic relationship, the first thing that comes to most people’s mind is battering.
The picture it usually conjures is one of violence with the victim having a black eye due to being hit by their partner.
But abuse is not only physical.
Sometimes, it is emotional, which can be even more dangerous because it’s not often decipherable.
Many women are being emotionally abused by their men, but they don’t know it because there are no swollen lips to serve as evidence.
Emotional abuse is often more subtle because the abusers are skillful manipulators.
Therefore, if you don’t know the signs to look out for, you might completely miss it until it’s too late.
To help, I have here seven signs your husband is emotionally abusing you.
Let’s take a look at them.
7 Signs Your Husband Is Emotionally Abusing You
1. You Feel Constant Fear Or Anxiety Around Him
Although emotional abuse is not as obvious as physical abuse, it still induces fear and anxiety.
The only difference is that with emotional abuse, you might not be able to pinpoint why you feel the way you do because there might not be anything particular to hold on to.
But whether you know why or not, a woman should ideally not be scared of her husband.
If she feels nervous or anxious around her husband, it’s a sign that something’s wrong.
In most cases, she will feel like she’s constantly bracing for an argument or worrying he’ll find something to criticize.
That’s because that’s what often happens with abuse.
The husband batters her with words and constantly criticizes her, so she is anxious and worries about her actions and inactions.
You may find yourself freezing whenever your husband gets home because you’re scared he’ll find something wrong with how you handled things.
Healthy relationships feel like home, and you can be yourself at home.
So, when you are fearful where you should be at peace, it’s a sign that something is off.
2. You Blame Yourself For His Actions And Moods
Another sign your husband is emotionally abusing you is if he often makes you believe everything that goes wrong is your fault, including things that have nothing to do with you.
For instance, if he’s in a bad mood, he’ll blame it on something you said or did.
If he loses his job, it’ll be because of you.
Conversely, nothing right is a consequence of what you did; he gets the credit for all the right things, even if you were the major contributor.
Over time, you start accepting this blame, convinced you’re to blame anytime something is wrong.
You’ll likely begin to overanalyze your actions, ensuring you do nothing wrong.
This is not to say you cannot sometimes check your actions and be cautious before making decisions.
But when your default reaction is to blame yourself and constantly wonder what you should and shouldn’t do to ensure he has a good day and doesn’t get angry, it means he has succeeded in burdening you with guilt you shouldn’t be carrying.
Nobody should be made to feel they’re responsible for another’s behavior, even if they are your spouse.
3. You Withdraw From Family And Friends
This is not so shocking when you remember that abuse thrives in isolation.
So, one of the first things abusers do is to isolate you from everybody and make sure they are the center of their world, making it easy to control you.
They mostly do this by making their partner feel guilty for spending time with anyone else.
If you stopped reaching out or don’t feel the need to hang out with friends and family anymore, it could be because he has made you think you don’t “need” anyone else.
I have a friend who used to be so social, always the life of the party.
I was more of a homebody when she was the extroverted one.
In fact, I am ashamed to say she did more of the visiting to my house because I didn’t go out much while she enjoyed it.
Well, she got into a relationship, and I noticed she didn’t visit as much as she used to; gradually, the visits dwindled.
Unfortunately, because I wasn’t visiting as much, I concluded that she was probably tired of making all the effort.
I now wish I reached out to ask why.
But I thought I knew the reason and didn’t.
By the time we – her friend group – found out, she had become a shadow of herself and needed therapy to get herself back.
Thank God she is getting better now and doing well, but she didn’t need to go through the needless pain.
Note that this story is about a relationship, not a marriage.
But if it could affect someone in a relationship this much, imagine how much more it would affect a victim in a marriage.
Needless to say, it’s much worse.
An abusive husband isolates his wife so that she can’t seek help when she needs it.
He wants her to be more vulnerable to his control, so he keeps her from everyone who cares about her.
4. Your Self-Esteem Is Noticeably Low
Constant criticism destroys your self-esteem, making you believe you’re unworthy.
It really doesn’t matter how intelligent you used to be; when you stay with an abuser for long, you will likely start believing you are dumb.
That is because emotional abuse strips away your inner belief and self-love, and it convinces you that you are worthless.
An abusive husband doesn’t just come for your mind; he also attacks your looks, and soon, you will start thinking you are ugly.
If you avoid looking in mirrors, start dressing down, or avoid speaking your mind because you no longer feel you have anything valuable to say, you are likely being emotionally abused.
5. You Frequently Apologize Even When You’ve Done Nothing Wrong
Apologizing when we are wrong is normal.
Some would even argue that it’s okay to apologize when you are not wrong, and I agree with them.
For peace’s sake, sometimes we have to accept blame and let things go.
Every married person will tell you the same.
However, apologizing incessantly for things beyond your power is not normal; you may be a victim of emotional abuse.
The habit develops after a while of being blamed for everything.
Have you ever caught yourself apologizing for the bad weather?
Maybe a friend came in wet from an outpouring rain, and you immediately apologize because you feel you should have told her to bring her umbrella or somehow known it was going to pour that day so you could prevent her from going out.
That’s a huge sign of abuse.
There is a difference between saying, “I’m sorry,” and saying it because you feel bad for her.
But “I’m sorry” because you internalize the fault is not normal.
It’s usually because someone has made you feel responsible for everything, and you’ve gotten used to it.
6. You Are Afraid To Express Your Opinions Or Needs
In a healthy marriage, both parties should be able to express their opinions and needs without fear of judgment.
You can communicate freely, knowing your partner has your back and is ready to listen to you.
But this is not the case if your husband emotionally abuses you, so you will find that you avoid speaking up or sharing your needs.
This is because you’ve learned that he’ll dismiss or belittle you for it.
An emotionally abusive partner often makes you feel you’re “too demanding” or “ungrateful” just for sharing your needs.
Over time, this makes you bottle up everything, convinced your voice doesn’t matter.
7. You Doubt Your Own Memories Or Perceptions
As I said earlier, emotionally abusive people are manipulators, so they are also skillful gaslighters.
They are masters at twisting things so much that you start doubting your memory or understanding of events.
For instance, you might remember him saying something hurtful, but when you bring it up, he insists it never happened.
In fact, you might even question your sanity at some point because here you are certain something happened because it did, but he convinces you it didn’t.
If you are constantly feeling like you are hallucinating or imagining things in your marriage, especially things that indict him, you are likely being gaslighted.
Your husband is manipulating you by making you feel like you can’t trust yourself.