10 Signs Your Husband Secretly Hates You

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“Love and hate are two of the strongest emotions we feel in relationships”–Ava Max.

Ideally, marriage should be all about “love and light.”

Unfortunately, reality sometimes presents a bleak picture of marriage.

Sometimes, you wake up and can’t just feel the love, nor do you see the light.

But marriage is not really about the emotions or the feelings.

It’s more about commitment, an intentional decision to love each other even when you are not feeling the butterflies in your belly.

Conflicts are also part of the course, and even the happiest couples have conflicts from time to time.

This doesn’t necessarily make couples hate each other.

So, I understand why you feel uneasy about the notion that your husband secretly hates you.

Trust me, I do.

I know one part of you is trying to explain the feeling away as excessive paranoia, and I am especially hoping that it is…

For your sake.

Being married to a man who secretly hates you can be really scary and traumatic.

To help you decide if your husband truly hates you or you are overthinking, I have compiled the signs that your husband secretly hates you.

Let’s get into this and see if we can rule out your uneasy feelings.

10 Signs Your Husband Secretly Hates You

1. He is always quarreling with you

I know I always say, “A little conflict does your relationship a world of good,” but I wasn’t talking about this level of conflict.

Every couple has conflicts and quarrels, but if your home is gradually becoming a war-torn region, it is a sign that there is something terribly wrong with the marriage.

When your husband consistently picks fights with you over trivial issues, it is a sign of deep-seated resentment and hatred.

When I talk about trivial issues, I mean very frivolous issues that even kids, not adults, won’t fight themselves over.

I remember witnessing something like it as a kid.

This particular man got angry at his wife, started yelling at her, and soon started physically abusing her.

The ruckus of the fight was so loud that the neighbors gathered to intervene and find out what had happened.

The story we heard would have been funny if it wasn’t so terribly sad.

It was a tragedy that this man felt that he could lay his hands on his wife just because she pressed the toothpaste tube in the middle rather than the bottom.

Really, it was such a terrible display of immaturity, resentment, and hatred for his wife.

If this is how your husband picks fights with you over frivolous things, it could be a sign that he hates you.

2. He no longer initiates physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is an essential aspect of every successful marriage.

I know we emphasize emotional connection, but they are interwoven.

If you can’t remember the last time you made love with your husband, it could be a sign that your marriage is in trouble.

This is especially true if your husband no longer makes attempts to initiate it and consistently rebuffs any of your attempts to initiate it with him.

Being intimate with someone you resent or secretly hate is difficult.

In fact, it would be the last thing on your mind.

However, I must state that lack of physical intimacy doesn’t automatically mean that your husband secretly hates you.

There could be several other causes of this, like stress, anger, guilt because he cheated…

Of course, it could also mean he secretly hates you and wants nothing to do with you.

3. He doesn’t talk to you

Communication is one of the pillars of relationships.

The quality of your communication determines the success of your relationship.

The absence of effective communication can be a giant billboard flashing red neon lights about your relationship.

If your husband doesn’t show any interest in talking to you and spends most of his time in the house, either watching sports on TV or his phone, it is definitely a sign that something is wrong.

If you were in this situation, I am sure you would have wondered why he isn’t talking to you.

You would have even attempted to break the ice and talk to me, only to be either ignored or snapped at.

This is a definitive sign that something is wrong.

However, there is insufficient evidence to conclude that your husband secretly hates you.

Your husband may be distant and avoid talking to you for various reasons.

He could be troubled by something at work or just generally unhappy with life.

However, if you notice this sign in combination with the other signs listed above, it could be a warning sign that your husband secretly hates you.

4. He is not interested in your life

It’s sad, but it happens.

The man who vowed to be with you through thick and thin now behaves like he is not interested in your life.

He doesn’t care to know how your day goes.

He just does his thing.

Wakes up, gets ready for work, leaves home, and comes back without wanting to know how you spent your day.

He doesn’t ask you what’s going on with you, and whenever you try to share with me, you get this distinct impression that he can’t even pretend to be interested.

He fiddles with the remote or listens absentmindedly while he uses his phone.

When people love each other, they show interest in each other.

If your husband loves you, he doesn’t just want to know what is going on in your life; he also wants to be involved in it.

When your husband secretly hates you, he shows a distinct lack of interest in you.

5. He is emotionally distant

Have you ever spoken to somebody and felt like you were talking to a stonewall?

No feelings, no emotions… just that distant, disconnected look in their eyes?

I have, and it wasn’t a great experience.

I had some academic issues, and I needed to talk to a secretary so she could arrange for me to see her boss.

That day, I felt like I was talking to a stonewall.

She didn’t care about my sad story.

She just refused to let me see her boss.

I later got to see him because he came out at some point and asked what was wrong.

My point is…

If your husband seems so distant that you can’t have a single conversation with him, something is wrong with your relationship.

He refuses to talk about his feelings and emotions.

He avoids any attempt to have a serious conversation, and if problems arise, he will ignore them until they go away.

If your husband does all these, it may mean that he secretly hates you.

6. He compares you to other women

That act of constantly comparing you to other women that you think is so harmless, except that it hurts you a little bit, could mean your husband secretly hates you.

You can’t seem to do anything that will satisfy him, and whenever he criticizes you, he never seems to run out of a list of women he believes are doing better than you.

He compares you to his brother’s wife, his neighbor’s wife, and perhaps the single lady who attends your church.

He says, “Don’t you see how Sandra cooks special meals for her husband?”

Or “Alice’s stomach is still flat after five children. You just have one, and you are so big”.

When he says cruel things like this to you and compares you to other women, it is a sign that he would rather be with them than with you.

It shows that he is dissatisfied and doesn’t love you.

7. He never shows any form of affection for you

Now, this is not even related to sex.

Even in relationships where couples no longer have sex as much as they should, they usually show affection to each other in little ways.

A peck to the cheek, a light touch on the arm, holding your hands, light kisses, and hugs can all be classified as physical ways to show affection.

Walks, long talks, and thoughtful gifts are also other ways of showing affection.

If you are experiencing a drought of affection in your relationship, it is a sign that something is wrong.

Your husband may try to pretend that everything is okay, and you may hardly ever quarrel, but a lack of affection on the part of your husband is cause for concern.

This is especially true if he seems to recoil from every act of affection directed at him by you.

It is a sad thought, but you may need to start considering that your husband may secretly hate you.

8. He speaks badly about you behind your back

It’s one thing for your husband to criticize you openly; it’s another for him to speak ill about you in your absence.

Ideally, your husband should be your defender.

He should never be found where bad things are being spoken about you.

He should even be ready to cut off ties with anyone who dares speak ill of you because he considers you a major part of him.

However, this is not the case when your husband secretly hates you.

When your husband is the “weapon fashioned against you,” he not only sits with people who speak ill of you, he leads the conversation.

He tells your friends, his friends, your family, and his family bad things about you to make them feel like you are a terrible person and that he is going through a lot.

The worst part is he probably doesn’t dare to say those things to you.

But why say it to you when he speaks ill of you and poisons the minds of people against you?

If your husband does this, you shouldn’t make any excuses for him.

He secretly hates you, which is a subtle manifestation of his feelings for you.

9. He encourages you to make decisions not in your best interest

That safe feeling you get when you know someone loves you and will never advise you to do anything that will cause harm to you?

You have no idea what it feels like because your husband seems so bent on encouraging you to make decisions that could nearly destroy you.

This is definitely not a sign of a man who loves you, and no matter how innocently he tries to explain away what he does, some behaviors can’t be explained.

I remember how a woman in my area who had already given birth to nine children lost her life in childbirth.

I know you are surprised to learn that some people still make nine trips to the labor room.

The saddest part of the matter is that her last delivery had been a struggle, and my mom was so concerned that she tried to encourage her to do family planning.

Her husband wouldn’t hear of it, and he made this very irrational statement…

He said, “My wife will give birth to children until she dies.”

Unfortunately, that was what happened.

I am sure he will claim to have loved her if asked, but I doubt he did.

No man who loves his wife will continuously encourage her to take so many risks.

When your husband encourages you to do things that could harm you, it is a sign that he secretly hates you.

10. He does things that can hurt you

Then, of course, there is the part where he deliberately hurts you.

I know it is possible for a man who loves you to hurt you unintentionally.

However, this level of hurt I am speaking about is selfish behavior that can alter your life forever.

I remember reading about such a case on social media.

A promiscuous husband contracted HIV during one of his usual sexcapades.

He finds out about it later, and rather than inform his wife and ensure that she starts taking prophylactics, he has sex with her without using protection and infects her.

It is crazy, but these things happen in the world in which we live.

If your husband seems to go out of his way every now and then to hurt you, it is a sign that he secretly hates you.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be as grave as my cited example.

 

If you can recognize all these signs in your marriage, I can’t imagine how hurt and confused you must feel right now.

Discovering that your husband might secretly hate you is a terrible experience.

It’s like finding yourself in the eye of a storm, unsure of which way to turn.

Well, I have a few tips for you.

Don’t discount your feelings.

If you see the signs clearly, don’t try to make excuses for him.

Your ability to face reality may just be what will save your life.

You are feeling hurt, and it’s natural, but don’t fly into a rage.

Reflect on the signs you have recognized.

Are they consistent happenings or just isolated incidents?

This will help you determine how serious the situation is.

After this, you need to communicate with your husband.

Chances are you are misreading the signs, and he is just going through a rough time.

Very slim chances, yes…

But it would be best if you could still get clarification.

Talk to your husband about how you feel when he treats you in that manner.

Let him speak his mind too.

This is the only way to find out what the underlying issues are.

At some point in this process, you may need to consider counseling.

A counselor offers that neutral space that can bridge the gap between you and your husband.

Of course, you realize that you have options, and these steps are only just a way to ensure that you make the right decision for your future.

You need to prioritize your well-being in any decision, whether that means staying with the hope that your husband is working on his issues or exiting the relationship.

I usually advise the latter option, especially when physical abuse is involved.

Life no get duplicate.

This Nigerian slang means, “You only get to live once, so don’t waste that opportunity”.

Through all of these, you must never forget to have a solid support system to lean on.

In times like these, we discover the true meaning of friendships.

 

 

 

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