Some time ago, I watched my oldest friend exchange marriage vows with the love of her life.
I listened to her say the words and saw the conviction in her eyes.
I knew instantly that she meant every word of what she said.
That day, a thought crept into my mind and I have been meditating on it.
I thought about the high rate of divorces we experience in the world today.
They all exchanged the same vows…
They promised each other forever, and many of them meant it when they took those vows.
Marriage is beautiful, but it is always a work in progress.
You cannot afford to get too comfortable in your marriage.
Complacency can smother love and replace it with indifference.
If you have been feeling a growing distance between you and your husband, you probably feel very confused and insecure.
You are wondering what is happening.
Well, while all marriages are unique, there are some common subtle and not-so-subtle signs that men display when their love for their wives is fading.
Walk with me as we explore these signs.
10 Signs Your Husband’s Love For You Is Fading
1. He avoids spending quality time with you
The first sign you may notice if your husband’s love for you is fading is that he seems to be spending as little time as possible with you at home.
When a man loves a woman, he usually spends much time with her.
Even when he is really busy, he still creates time in his busy schedule just to spend time with her.
I have been in love before, and I know how much effort I put into spending time with the lady I love.
When I started falling out of love with her, the first thing I noticed was my reluctance to spend time with her.
She would say, “I am stopping by your place later in the evening,” and I would scramble to find excuses to justify why she didn’t need to visit me.
I struggled with the feeling; sometimes, I would tell her to come around even if my entire being seemed to be kicking against it.
At other times, I made my excuses.
I stopped initiating dates, and we only had dates when she initiated them.
She sometimes had to coerce me into going.
At that point, I knew what was happening, but I struggled against it.
I tried to make myself feel excited to spend time with her.
But I failed most of the time.
It is usually not a good sign if your husband is displaying a marked reluctance to spend quality time with you.
It gets even worse if it seems like he goes out of his way just to avoid you.
He is taking on more responsibilities at work, bringing tasks home from work during the weekend, and spending most of his free time alone and away from home.
Rather than spending quality time with you, it feels like your husband prefers the company of others to yours.
This is not a good sign to notice in your marriage.
It could point to several things, but if it is seen in tandem with the next sign, it is absolutely a sign that your husband’s love for you is fading.
2. He is disinterested in your life
At the beginning of your marriage, your husband showed so much interest in your life.
He wanted to know you so much that he would listen intently when you spoke.
His favorite thing to do was to stare into your eyes as you talked about your dreams, goals, fears, and your daily activities.
He wanted to hear everything, even when you were ranting about your exhausting day or an annoying boss at work.
He wanted to hear it all.
Well, all that seems like past tense now because your husband is almost never around.
And when he is around, talking to him could be one of the hardest things ever.
It feels like you are talking to a rock because he is usually unresponsive.
It feels like he is not interested in what you are saying.
Like the way you listen when you sit beside a talkative stranger on a plane.
He may even rudely cut you off sometimes.
When your husband displays this level of disinterest in your life, it could be a sign that his love for you is fading.
3. He becomes emotionally distant
My ex had one thing to say about the periods we were having issues…
She said, “I don’t know what to think of you anymore. I don’t even know who you are to me. You are acting like a total stranger”.
When she said this, her eyes were watery, and guess what I was thinking in my head?
I thought, “Please, don’t start crying here. I don’t need the drama.”
Yeah, I behaved quite terribly.
Sometimes, I think about it and I feel so ashamed about my conduct.
My point is…
When my feelings for her were still very strong, I wouldn’t have been able to watch her cry.
I would have apologized and tried to make her feel better, but when my love for her faded, all I could think of was how to escape another drama.
When I said I get terribly ashamed when I remember how I treated her, I meant I should have gone about breaking up with her maturely.
I didn’t do that, and that’s what I regret about the whole situation.
The truth is that you should be alert the moment you begin to feel any form of emotional distance in your marriage.
Emotional distance in a relationship is bad for the relationship.
If you realize that it feels like you no longer know your husband, it may be because he no longer shares his thoughts and feelings with you.
He no longer connects with you on a deeper level.
It feels like your conversations are superficial at best.
In fact, you may actually get a distinct feeling that he doesn’t want to talk about anything deep.
This is because deep and meaningful conversations may force him to confront the emotions he is refusing to accept.
When a man’s love for his wife starts fading, he first undergoes an internal struggle, trying to convince himself that it is not so.
In this period, he would avoid deep conversations that would make him confront the truth about his feelings for you.
So, if your husband is emotionally distant and avoids meaningful conversations, it may be a sign that his love for you is fading.
4. He no longer displays affection
This can be a really obvious sign if your husband used to be a very expressive spouse.
Of course, if he used to express his love for you so freely, his recent lack of expression would raise red flags.
He no longer tells you how much he loves you.
He no longer touches you affectionately.
There are no kisses, hugs, or cuddles; all you have are normal conversations about the kids and what to eat for dinner.
The truth is that these changes can be alarming.
However, even a husband who wasn’t so expressive in the past may still show this sign effectively.
Many less verbally and physically expressive men usually compensate by getting thoughtful gifts for their wives or performing acts of service.
If you notice that none of these is present in your marriage, it could be a sign that your husband’s love for you is fading.
5. He avoids physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is a pillar in every marriage.
When couples enjoy physical intimacy, it usually translates into stronger emotional connections.
However, when it is absent, it could lead to a whole plethora of problems in the marriage.
When a man’s love for his wife is fading, physical intimacy usually takes a hit in the relationship.
He no longer lovingly touches her.
In fact, the only time he touches her is when he taps her shoulder to call her attention to something.
And she should just forget about lovemaking because it is either non-existent or so mechanical that it doesn’t deserve to be called “lovemaking.”
If it feels like your husband is always reluctant to have sex with you, it could be a sign that he doesn’t feel that spark anymore.
His love for you may be fading…
It is definitely time to reignite the passion in your relationship once again.
How do you do that?
Just stay with me, and we will get there together.
6. He is increasingly irritable
We all get angry at the people we love.
Anger is not necessarily a bad thing.
Neither is it a sign that you are not loved.
It is the frequency that makes it an issue.
You can’t always be angry at someone you claim to love.
What makes it even worse is that his anger is usually over something so trivial that you won’t expect someone to get angry about it.
It seems like your husband is perpetually annoyed at you, and every disagreement seems to degenerate into full-blown fights.
He no longer feels like the patient and understanding man you married.
He now feels more like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at the slightest provocation.
If your husband is behaving this way, it is usually a sign that he has allowed resentment to build up so much inside him.
The sad truth about resentment is that if it is allowed to accumulate, it suffocates love.
7. He is indifferent to conflict resolution
One thing is certain in every relationship – Conflict!
It is part of every relationship.
Couples usually have misunderstandings and disagreements in relationships.
This doesn’t define their relationship.
Rather, it is how they resolve their conflicts that define their relationship.
In my last relationship, when we had disagreements, I was usually the first person to try to resolve matters.
At least, I was like that until I just stopped enjoying the relationship.
When this happened, I stopped being interested in resolving conflicts with her and became irritable.
This led to several conflicts.
Most remained unresolved because she didn’t try to resolve them, and I no longer cared.
Once, we went a whole week without talking and she had to apologize for what she did.
After I apologized, she still accused me of not having contacted her first, and we instantly entered another cycle of conflict.
At that point, I was falling out of love and tired of taking everything I used to take from her.
Since she was not used to initiating conflict resolution, we kept fighting and moving on without resolving our conflicts until the relationship ended.
Towards the end, I was no longer interested in conflict resolution of any sort.
If your husband shows little or no interest in resolving conflicts, it could be a sign that his love for you is fading.
He is no longer willing to compromise and work through issues with you.
8. He withdraws from shared responsibilities
I have seen this happen several times.
When a man loves you, he wants to help you around the house.
He does chores and helps you out when you need help.
Rather than watch the TV, he comes to the kitchen to help you do the dishes.
When his love for you begins to fade, he starts acting unconcerned about many things.
He is less involved in household tasks and avoids joint responsibilities.
It starts feeling like you are doing all the work in the house while your husband just watches you with indifference.
Asking him to help you with the chores may sometimes lead to intense quarrels.
So, you have resigned to do all the work for peace to reign.
It now feels like you are more like a slave in your own home.
All these are signs that your husband’s love for you is fading.
9. He embraces secrecy
When a man is in love, his transparency is usually top-notch.
He tells his wife everything.
He shares everything with his wife; I used to be like this with my ex.
In fact, my transparency led to one of our big fights.
I told her I was going to spend the whole day studying with a female friend, and she agreed that I needed to study for my exams.
She called me in the afternoon, and I told her I was still with my friend.
When she called in the evening, and I said I was still there, she got angry.
She accused me of cheating.
I think that was the day I started checking out of the relationship.
She didn’t trust me even when I was most transparent with her.
I figured there was no need to fight to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t trust me.
So, I stopped being transparent.
I stopped sharing details of my whereabouts with her, especially when I was with a female friend because I didn’t want to get into trouble.
That was where it started until it became something I did because I felt she didn’t have the right to know what I was doing.
If your husband has suddenly become secretive about his activities, whereabouts, and interactions, it could be a sign that his love for you is fading.
It could also mean more.
It could mean that he is cheating, but if there is no actual evidence of this, don’t accuse him of cheating.
10. He generally neglects your needs
In marriage, you are meant to be your husband’s priority.
If you are not, it means there is something terribly wrong with your relationship.
If your husband generally neglects your emotional and physical needs in the relationship, it could be a sign that his love for you is fading.
His focus has shifted away from ensuring your well-being.
He is more focused on other things.
His priorities are not in the right place.
It can be very scary when you are in a relationship with a man who doesn’t consider you a priority.
However, there are things you can do to reverse this.
You need to initiate an honest and open conversation with your husband.
Talk about the signs you have been observing and ask him what’s going on.
Express your readiness to understand his perspective and work on the relationship together.
Marriage counseling or therapy can provide a safe space to discuss these issues and explore strategies to rekindle your husband’s love for you.
Make a conscious effort to prioritize quality time and shared experiences.
Plan date nights, surprise each other, and find joy in the little moments.
You need to reflect on what you may have done wrong in the past and resolve to continually improve yourself.
While doing all of these, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
Love yourself the way you want your husband to love you.
Don’t let this be the end of your marriage.
Like life, marriages go through different seasons.
If love fades away in any season, it can be rekindled with dedication and mutual effort.
All the best!