Marriage is beautiful – far more beautiful than anything the movies and books can portray.
But it requires work.
“A great marriage consists of keeping promises made to each other when it matters most – when they are put to the test.” – Anonymous.
The marriage vows are not just light words said to sweep your partners off their feet.
They are the creed married couples are meant to live their lives by.
Sometimes, fulfilling these promises may be too difficult, and we may be tempted to slip up.
These are the low times in marriage.
Marriage is filled with highs and lows; the successful ones are not left out.
However, we need to know when the low times begin to outweigh the high times.
We need to know when what we are experiencing is no longer just the steady ebb and flow of passion in marriage but something worse.
We need to recognize when our marriages are steadily moving towards separation.
Recognizing the signs before it’s too late may seem difficult if you don’t know what to look for but it is very crucial.
Here are some key signs that indicate your marriage is moving towards separation.
10 Signs Your Marriage Is Moving Towards Separation
1. Communication breakdown
Communication has always been a major pillar in relationships.
I discussed this with a female friend some days ago, and she said something that explained things I had noticed.
She said, “I don’t talk to a particular guy every day because I catch feelings easily. The moment I start talking to you consistently, I may just end up falling in love with you”.
This proves something: love is cultivated through regular and deep communication.
If your marriage is beginning to experience a serious communication breakdown, there is a problem, and you shouldn’t delay in trying to resolve it.
A stitch in time can save you many problems down the road.
Couples usually have communication breakdowns because of conflicts, grudges, and resentment.
So, one partner stops talking to the other because they are angry about something.
This is understandable.
However, it is not a good way to express anger, especially if it is done for a prolonged period.
If you stop talking to your partner for a prolonged period, it could be the end of seamless and honest communication in that relationship.
There are better ways to express anger or hurt than silence.
Talk about it with your partner.
Regardless of why there is a communication breakdown in your relationship, a prolonged breakdown in communication between married couples is usually a sign that their marriages may be moving towards separation.
When you and your spouse stop talking about your day, your feelings, or your future, you can experience significant emotional distance.
If conversations have become really rare in your marriage, and even when they occur, they are usually about mundane things, it could be a sign that your marriage is moving towards separation.
It is definitely a sign of deeper issues being ignored.
2. Constant criticism
Criticism is beneficial to a relationship only if it is constructive.
A quick illustration for the benefit of those who may not know the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
Two different husbands are reacting to the same mistake from their wives.
Here are their responses:
Husband 1: “This spaghetti is too soft… Did you leave it cooking for too long?”
Husband 2: “Just see the mushy nonsense you cooked. You can’t even cook ordinary spaghetti.”
Now, imagine you are a wife.
Wouldn’t your response differ depending on who you are married to?
Husband 1 didn’t just complain.
He also tried to proffer a solution by attempting to find out what the problem was.
That’s the kind of criticism that is beneficial in relationships.
If it’s the opposite that is constantly found in your marriage, you definitely know that it is not doing your marriage any good.
If all you and your partner usually have to say to each other are negative remarks, then it is a sign that your marriage is about to hit a dead-end.
Couples who are always aware of each other’s flaws are most likely not to be together for long.
How can you be married to a beautiful wife, and all you can think of is how she is gaining belly fat?
How can you be married to a man, and all you can think of is how he doesn’t know how to fix electrical appliances in the house?
The next time something goes wrong, you are ready to list all your partner’s flaws, but you don’t even appreciate them when they do good things.
If you are so focused on the negative, you will never see the positive, which creates a toxic environment.
A toxic environment is good for nothing; it destroys good things.
So, dear couples, try to be like the first Husband in the illustration; it’s not so hard.
3. Sleeping in separate rooms
I have never really been a fan of couples sleeping in different rooms.
It may sound silly to some people, but I want to wake up to see my wife’s tousled hair and sleeping face.
I want to sleep with my arms around her.
Well, not every day, but often enough.
This is why I have never subscribed to the notion of separate bedrooms.
Add this to a significant lack of intimacy; it is a sign that your marriage is going down a lane it shouldn’t.
Dear couples, sleep together in the same room.
If he snores, wear earmuffs.
Even if you don’t engage in bedroom gymnastics all the time, it’s good to be able to cuddle up with your partner.
4. Lack of Intimacy
If by some chance, you still insist on having different bedrooms after reading this, this is one aspect of your relationship you should be concerned about.
Lack of intimacy is an issue that shouldn’t be allowed to persist in marriage.
In marriages, intimacy ebbs and flows.
Every couple goes through periods when they are not physically intimate with each other.
However, in times like this, it is important that emotional intimacy is top-notch.
Couples should learn to share important things with their partners.
Share your dreams and goals with your partner.
In fact, there should be no secret between the two of you.
The sad thing is that when marriages are moving towards separation, emotional intimacy takes a hit.
It begins to feel like you no longer know anything about your partner.
It gets even worse when you no longer enjoy physical intimacy with each other.
Then, it becomes something that happens only once in a blue moon.
Until it stops altogether.
If you are noticing these signs in your marriage, you need to work on rekindling the passion in your marriage if it still matters to you.
Otherwise… your marriage may be well on its way to separation.
5. Frequent arguments
It is impossible to have a relationship without conflicts.
It is through properly handled conflicts that partners learn and develop themselves.
When conflicts occur in marriage, it is a reminder that things can’t always be rosy.
However, how you handle conflicts matters.
It is what determines the success of your marriage.
Some couples resolve issues through honest communication and promptly forget about them.
Others just keep the conflict filed away in their archives dedicated to their partners’ wrongdoings.
If you belong to the latter category, it is not so surprising then that you are always having frequent arguments with your partner.
How wouldn’t you?
You keep so many grudges and resentments in your heart.
If constant fighting has become the order of the day in your relationship, it is a sign that something is wrong.
If arguments escalate into full-blown fights all the time, the odds are one of you is going to get tired of battling all the time.
And when that happens, it will be the beginning of the end of your marriage.
6. Avoidance of conflict
When partners have fought each other to the point that one person gets tired, this is the next phase.
If either you or your spouse is already beginning to display a tendency to avoid conflicts totally, it is a sign that something is wrong.
You are walking around on eggshells just to avoid arguments, thinking you are at peace.
No, that’s not peace.
That’s just the final calm before the storm.
You are sweeping important issues under the carpet, glossing over altercations that should be discussed, and thinking you are keeping the peace.
The truth is that you are already tired of fighting.
You just want to live in peace.
However, the problem is that this is not the way to enjoy peace in marriage.
Avoiding conflict only leads to unresolved tension, and this can finally cause separation when it is too much to bear.
7. Lack of effort
A major sign that a marriage is beginning to move towards separation is when couples no longer invest any effort into their relationship.
A successful marriage requires effort from both partners.
So, if one or both of you have stopped trying to make the relationship work, it indicates that the marriage is no longer a priority to you.
It is really sad because just a little bit of effort made by both partners is enough to remind them of those things that brought them together in the first place.
If you no longer make efforts to ensure that your partner enjoys the relationship, it is a sign that you have gotten too comfortable in the marriage.
Couples usually fall into the trap of routine activities.
They just settle into a routine and stop doing spontaneous things that can keep on nurturing the love they have for each other.
If you can’t remember the last time you went on a date with your partner or received a gift from them, it is a sign that they are no longer putting effort into the relationship.
If you also can’t remember the last time you appreciated your partner or did something special for them, you are also a major part of the problem.
Your marriage is moving towards separation, and only a major turnaround to reignite love and passion can stop it.
8. Loss of respect
Respect is a fundamental aspect of any relationship.
It is even more important in marriage.
When it is absent in marriage, the effects can be disastrous.
A sign that a marriage is moving towards separation is the fact that the partners no longer value each other’s opinions.
If you don’t welcome your partner’s opinions, it is a sign that you don’t respect them.
When you don’t respect your partner, you will treat them with contempt and disrespect.
You disregard your partner and treat them like they don’t matter.
All of these are signs that your relationship is deteriorating.
9. Secretive behavior
Secrets have no place in marriage.
If you or your partner start acting all secretive in your marriage, it is definitely not a sign of good things to come.
Secrecy breeds mistrust in marriage, and rightfully so.
Only someone who has done something wrong wants to keep secrets from their partners.
Have you started keeping secrets from your partner?
Have you been anything but transparent with your partner recently?
If you now keep secrets from your partner, there is something wrong.
It gets even worse if they are doing the same thing too.
If your spouse suddenly becomes protective of their phone, is unexplainably absent, or is evasive about their activities, it might be a sign that they are hiding something.
People usually associate these signs with cheating.
But even if your partner isn’t cheating, the fact that you are both keeping secrets from each other spells doom for the marriage.
10. Different life goals
Marriage should be between like-minded people who are working in the same direction.
It is impossible for two people going opposite directions to embark on a journey together.
Marriage is a journey, and couples need to share the same destination before the journey starts.
Sometimes, a couple’s goals may change along the way.
One person may have a different vision for their future, leading to a significant divergence in purpose.
If you and your spouse no longer share common goals or dreams, it can lead to a sense of drifting apart.
You may start questioning your marriage to your partner.
A man married his wife with the understanding that they were going to start trying for kids immediately.
However, after the marriage, the wife decided that she didn’t want anything to hinder her career advancement.
So, she wanted him to wait some years before they started having kids.
Well, he waited at first, but after five years, he gave up because she still didn’t show any inclination towards having children for him.
For that man, his goals were simple.
He wanted kids, and she seemed to want the same thing at first until she didn’t.
This is an example of how divergent life goals can be a sign that your marriage is moving toward separation.
Especially if your differences are not properly handled.
Recognizing the signs is just one step.
You need to determine if your relationship is worth fighting for.
Do you still love your partner?
Do you want to make things work?
There are a few things you can do to make your marriage successful.
You can start by having an honest conversation with your spouse about your concerns.
Explain the signs you are seeing and why you think they are dangerous.
Let your partner know that you are ready to work on rekindling the spark of the relationship if they are ready to.
If they are also ready, then you move to the next phase.
You have to make an effort to reconnect with your spouse.
Plan date nights, surprise each other with small gestures of love, and spend quality time together to rebuild your bond.
Regardless of how long you have been married, you can never outgrow having dates and showing love to each other.
You can also seek professional help to guide you through the process.
By doing all of these, you can end up saving your marriage.
One less marriage on the separation statistics and a major win for all who believe in love and wholesome marriages.