Marriage is a lifetime commitment that shouldn’t be made lightly.
This should be the first thing every single person should know before even thinking of getting married.
Marriage can be beautiful if you make the right choice.
Make the wrong one, and Socrates noted the consequences of that in his quote…
However, he forgot one little detail, a bad husband can equally make his wife a bitter woman.
The truth is that marriage is beautiful when you are married to the right person.
But the wrong person will make you discover that there are higher levels of torture in this world than using sharp objects to maim people.
Marriage to the wrong person is one of such levels of torture.
If you are already married, telling you that you need to be careful while making your choice of a marriage partner isn’t helpful.
However, if you are in a difficult marriage and you feel like everything you used to share with your husband has been eroded, stay with me.
You know how you get married to someone and they are so wonderful that you can’t believe it, but after some time, they start becoming the very opposite of all they used to be?
If you haven’t experienced it before, you have probably seen it in movies.
You are worried and concerned.
You don’t know if your partner is manifesting their true self or just going through a lot.
You don’t even know what to do.
Here are the signs that may indicate that your marriage has been built on a lie.
8 Signs Your Whole Marriage Was A Lie
1. Your partner’s behavior is inconsistent
A few days ago, I meditated on the power of consistency in alignment with my life experiences.
I realized that for so many years, I lacked the ability to always show up.
Consistency is the ability to always show up, and I fell short there.
I could fancy something new and throw myself into it but before long I would run out of steam and never complete what I started.
So, I learned a valuable lesson after my mediation.
A step forward every day for several years is better than many steps forward in a few days and then remaining in that position.
What am I driving at?
My point is simple.
To be successful at anything in life, you must be consistent.
Even in relationships, consistency is key.
One of the first red flags you can see in a relationship is your partner’s inconsistent behavior.
If your partner’s behavior doesn’t add up, it is a sign that something is wrong with your marriage.
They may act all loving and affectionate with you in public, but they are very different in private.
I remember one of our neighbors used to be known for being such a model husband by other people.
He was a nice and lovely guy to everyone in public, even to his wife.
But in private, he was a beast.
Even when his wife opened up about her ordeals at his hands, many people didn’t believe her.
It sounded like trumped-up charges because he never exhibited any outward sign of being a cruel husband in public.
If your partner behaves this way, you may initially feel confused, but eventually, you may start to question everything you have ever believed about your relationship with them.
You start wondering whether it was all a lie.
And the odds are it was all just a lie.
If you are experiencing this in your marriage, it is a sign your whole marriage is a lie.
2. They keep secrets from you
I have said it before and will say it again: if your partner keeps secrets from you, it is not just a red flag.
It is a gigantic red billboard flashing red lights every nanosecond.
Secrets have no place in marriage, but if they have found their way into your marriage, I wouldn’t be shocked if you start questioning everything at some point.
A deceptive partner will always engage in secretive behavior.
There are so many things that they don’t want you to know about, so they keep information from you.
They also make sure they don’t leave their devices lying around unprotected because they are wary of you getting curious and checking them.
They might hide their phone, password-protect their devices, or be evasive about their whereabouts.
If your partner becomes unnecessarily defensive when you ask them questions, it is a sign that they are hiding something from you.
I am not saying that your whole marriage is definitely a lie because your partner is hiding things from you but you may need to consider it especially if they also behave inconsistently around you.
3. They have frequent unexplained absences
I recently came across a lady’s experiences with a married man on Instagram.
She said she wasn’t one for a quick courtship because she liked to get to know her partner, but this particular man came into her life like a whirlwind and swept her off her feet.
He was so handsome and charismatic.
Being romantic was like his second nature.
Fancy dinners, thoughtful gifts, quality time spent together, regular communication, and even a weekend vacation together, all crammed into just a few months.
This was enough to turn anyone’s head.
By the end of the first two weeks, she was in love.
By the end of the first few months, she was already picturing eternity with him.
So, she happily said yes when he proposed to her after six months.
After all, you have to make exceptions in life.
The courtship may have been short, but she had seen enough to know he was a wonderful person.
Well, this impression didn’t last too long because soon after they got engaged, he started exhibiting many toxic traits.
She was taken aback by his behavior but rationalized everything away.
He would leave the house for days and weeks without communicating with her.
The first time he did it, she was so scared.
She thought something had happened to him.
She made frantic phone calls to his friends and everyone else, but no one knew where he was.
A few weeks later, he was back at home without any explanation.
He kept on behaving this way until she discovered that he was actually married with kids.
He was visiting his wife and children, who thought he was working in another state.
It was a crazy way to discover that her relationship had been built upon lies.
She was devastated, but she moved on.
If your partner has frequent unexplained absences from home, it is a red flag.
If your spouse regularly disappears without a valid reason or has frequent late nights with dubious explanations, it might be time to dig deeper.
They may just be living a double life.
4. They lie all the time
A sign your marriage was built on a lie is that your partner lies with ease.
For your partner, lying is second nature.
The truth is that it is nearly impossible to find anyone who hasn’t lied at some point in their lives.
But for some people, lying is what they do for a living.
I have a neighbor who always lies.
From half-truths to exaggerations and total lies, my neighbor is versed in them all.
It is a consensus that if he tells you good morning, you need to check your time to make sure it is indeed morning.
He lies to his wife and to just about everybody around him.
His wife usually says she regrets marrying him.
He comes from a prestigious family in my community, and she felt that marrying someone from that family would safeguard her future.
So, when he came to her with his lies about being a reputable lawyer, she swallowed them hook, line, and sinker.
Even when she could see signs that he wasn’t all he claimed to be.
Well, she married him, and now she has a daughter in her late teens, a job, a profitable business, and a partially paralyzed body, which is the result of the domestic violence she had to endure to secure these things.
Their entire marriage was built on lies.
She didn’t love him and he wasn’t who he said he was.
Those two lied to each other until they couldn’t lie anymore.
The point is, if your partner is a habitual liar, the odds are they probably lied about their feelings for you.
When your partner lies to you all the time, you may start questioning everything they have ever told you.
Most times, you’d be right to question everything.
5. You don’t still know their inner circle
It may seem weird, but there are some married people who don’t know their partner’s inner circle.
This is one of the most basic things to know when you are dating someone.
It’s simply Relationship 101.
It’s so disheartening to see that some people don’t take this seriously.
Apart from the fact that knowing your partner’s friends will give you a better idea about who your partner is, it is just another necessary part of relationships.
You don’t need to be friends with their inner circle but at least, you need to know them.
If you realize that your partner has never introduced you to their closest friends or just speaks about them in passing, it may be a sign that your partner is hiding something from you.
6. They no longer respect you
Mutual respect is necessary in relationships.
I see people say things like, “He can love you and not respect you,” and it just feels really weird.
How do you love someone you don’t respect?
What sort of weird love is that?
If your partner no longer respects you or your opinions in the marriage and you have done anything to deserve a loss of respect, it is safe to conclude that whatever respect you were given during courtship was just a pretense.
The fact that your partner lies to you and withholds information from you is a major sign that they don’t respect you.
With the addition of other signs listed above, it is an absolute confirmation that they don’t respect you.
It is also sufficient enough reason to believe that you have built your marriage on lies.
7. There are financial discrepancies
Sometimes, I wonder how I have had so many neighbors with negative behaviors within just a short time.
I had a neighbor who was married to a wife because she was from a rich family.
It’s not like anyone told me, of course.
But one day, they had a big fight, and he told her to her face that she was lucky her family had money because no one would have wanted to marry her.
That’s such a hurtful thing to say to someone you vowed to love before God and human witnesses.
Well, he said that to her, and I thought that would be the end of the marriage.
She is still with him.
It makes me wonder if she actually believes the lies subconsciously.
Well, a major sign that your marriage is a lie is the fact that there are so many financial discrepancies in your marriage.
Like it or not, finances are a big part of marriage.
Money matters can reveal a lot about a person’s honesty.
Basically, if someone isn’t honest in their financial dealings, I usually don’t expect honesty from them in any other area of their lives.
If your spouse is secretive about finances and hides their spending habits, it is a red flag.
It’s even worse if you have a joint account and you really can’t account for how the money is being spent.
Some people refuse to tell their partners how much they earn.
I feel like such a behavior actually reeks of dishonesty.
If your partner isn’t transparent in financial affairs, you need to look closely at your relationship.
The odds are they are not being transparent about other things either.
8. They react defensively to questions
This is a major sign that your partner is hiding something from you.
If your partner reacts to innocent questions defensively, it is a sign that something is wrong.
Simple conversations become complicated arguments because your partner thinks every question you ask is an accusation.
In my experience, only people who have actually done something wrong think questions are accusations.
So, if your partner behaves this way, it is obvious that you need to look at things more closely.
Your relationship may just be built on lies.
Basically, these are the signs that your whole marriage was a lie.
Most of all, you need to trust your intuition.
If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, then it is worth paying attention to.
Discovering that your marriage was built on lies can be tough.
Moving forward from this can be hard.
But you have to move forward.
It’s important to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor to get through this difficult time.
The power of a good support system can’t be overestimated.
Finally, don’t rush into another relationship.
Take your time, but be open to friendships and relationships.