I saw a tweet recently that said every woman’s greatest fear is marrying late, but many women countered that their greatest fear is marrying the wrong person and not marrying late.
Then, another post—this time from a friend—asked whether men search as judiciously as women when they want to get married.
Many answered in the affirmative, stating that they don’t want to marry the wrong woman, so they also feel the pressure when they get to that stage.
So, it’s safe to say both men and women don’t want to fall for or be with the wrong person.
Unfortunately, life is not always as we envision it, and sometimes, people fall for the wrong person.
Some people know they are with the wrong person, but their feelings are stronger than their will to let go.
And for others, they may not know at the first instance that they are falling for the wrong person – this post addresses this category of people.
8 Signs You’re Falling For The Wrong Person
1. They Make You Feel Insecure Rather Than Safe
One thing about love that many people overlook is the fact that it is sure.
I understand that you might feel uncertain at the beginning, especially if you are dealing with certain personal issues.
However, when someone loves you consistently, you will not be in doubt; you will know and feel safe in that knowledge.
So if you find yourself in a constant guessing game, overanalyzing their words, questioning your worth, or feeling anxious about where you stand, that’s a problem.
The right person makes you feel secure; they don’t make you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
A healthy relationship should bring you peace and security.
If they make you doubt yourself more than they reassure you, it’s time to ask yourself if the person is right for you.
2. Your Values And Long-Term Goals Don’t Align
A few years ago, a co-worker asked me out.
I joined the company before he did, and when he joined us, I had an inkling he was attracted to me, but he didn’t pursue it, and I also forgot about it.
Anyway, after a few years of working together, he finally asked me out—don’t worry—we didn’t have a non-fraternization policy.
He is cute and a great guy, and I knew we would have a lot of fun together.
There was one problem, though – I am big on my faith, but he isn’t, so I knew the fun wouldn’t last.
It was only a matter of time before our values clashed, even though we were both attracted to each other.
So, yes, attraction is great, but what happens when real-life decisions come into play?
Take a minute and look far into your future.
Would you be able to tackle some serious life decisions without one person completely giving up their values?
If yes, then you are fine.
But if you answer in the negative, you are with the wrong person.
Although they may not seem to matter in the beginning, differences in values like religion, finances, and family can create deep divides.
If your life paths don’t match, you’ll constantly struggle to find common ground.
It’s better to walk away now than invest years into something that will never work.
The right person will want the same core things as you.
That doesn’t mean you will agree about everything, so the emphasis is on the core.
Some things may not matter in the grand scheme, but your core values must be aligned to a large extent.
3. You Constantly Justify Their Bad Behavior
Another sign you are with the wrong person is when you are constantly making excuses for them.
Your relationship is basically a cycle of “They’re just stressed,” “They didn’t mean it,” or “It’s not that bad.”
If this is you, you are with the wrong person.
Now, don’t misunderstand me; the right person will also make mistakes and you need to make excuses in general if you want your relationship to work.
But the difference is that your relationship won’t be rife with situations for which you have to make excuses, and it won’t be toxic.
Love shouldn’t require endless justifications; the right person won’t leave you questioning whether you deserve better.
They’ll treat you with kindness, respect, and consistency.
So, if you are always making excuses for their rudeness, dismissiveness, or emotional unavailability, that’s a red flag to watch out for.
4. They Don’t Prioritize You In Their Life
We all make time for what matters.
The right person is never too busy to make sure you know you are a priority and feel included in their life.
They will be excited to spend time with you, not just squeeze you in between other commitments.
But if they’re always too busy, canceling plans at the last minute, or only reaching out when it’s convenient for them, you’re not a priority—you’re an option.
You deserve someone who makes an effort, not someone who treats you like a backup plan.
If you’re constantly begging for their attention, take a step back; they’re probably not the right one for you.
5. Your Friends And Family Have Serious Concerns
I read in a book—the title of which I can’t remember now—that a good way to know if someone is good for you is if the majority of your loved ones like them.
Sure, you might have one or two family members or friends who are jealous or unreasonable, but not everyone around you will be like that.
If all of them—or a majority of them—don’t support your relationship, you might need to take a step back.
Your loved ones see things you might not because, unlike you, they are not caught up in the waves of emotions that make them blind to red flags.
If multiple people you trust are raising concerns, you are better off listening to them.
Even if they don’t say it directly and keep saying things like, “Are you sure they’re right for you?” or “You seem different since you started dating them,” don’t get defensive.
At least, take a step back and reflect.
6. The Relationship Feels One-Sided
A healthy relationship is a two-way street.
If you’re the one always texting first, making plans, and putting in the effort while they do the bare minimum, you are likely in the relationship alone.
If they cared about you, the effort into making the relationship work would be mutual.
You should not be the only one pulling all the weight.
The right person will meet you halfway, not leave you feeling unappreciated or ignored.
7. You Fear Being Alone More Than Losing Them
If the thought of being single scares you more than the idea of leaving a bad relationship, that’s a problem.
You are courting a life of unhappiness if you stay with the wrong person just because you don’t want to be alone.
Being single isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a person; being stuck in a draining, unfulfilling relationship is.
So, if you are desperately clinging to them because you have a void in your life you need filling, you are likely with the wrong person.
You need to stay away from relationships to work on feeling wholesome alone.
Then, you will be ready for the right person.
8. They Don’t Bring Out The Best In You
Love should make you better, not drained.
The right person will inspire you to grow, chase your dreams, and become the best version of yourself.
The wrong person, however, will bring out your insecurities, bad habits, or worst traits.
You should ask yourself if you feel more stressed, anxious, or self-doubting when you’re with them.
Or if you feel uplifted, happy, and challenged to pursue your dreams.
If it’s the former, you’re falling for the wrong person.
The best relationships push you forward, not hold you back.
If they’re not adding to your life, why keep them in it?
Right?