A friend told me about what was happening in her relationship some time ago.
She felt like her boyfriend was withdrawing from her in several unexplainable ways.
First, she pointed out that they still see each other almost every day, but it feels like there is no longer any connection between them.
She sounded devastated, so I asked a few more questions and asked her to speak to her boyfriend about how she felt.
Communication is the best way to resolve relationship issues.
I wonder why we usually treat it as a last resort, only to use it when things have gone out of control.
Well, she spoke to him, and it turned out that he felt she was pushing him away.
She was shocked at first, but when he explained further, she realized that, in hindsight, some of her actions could have been interpreted as cold and distant.
Well, they got back on track.
They are married now and doing really well.
Many women are like my friend.
They are complaining about their husbands being withdrawn, cold, and emotionally distant.
But the truth may be that some of their actions have pushed their husbands away.
It is a self-sabotaging streak that usually causes people to harm their relationships when they are at their most successful.
If you feel your husband has been distant for some time now, you need to pay attention to the signs we are going to explore.
Now that we are all on the same page, here are the signs you are pushing your husband away without knowing it.
Let’s get started!
9 Signs You’re Pushing Your Husband Away Without Knowing It
1. You shut your husband out at the slightest provocation
I am a master at shutting people out.
When I don’t want to have anything to do with someone, I know how to totally log out when they are around.
I could be looking at someone talking without registering anything they are saying because I don’t want to.
I do this when I am angry at someone and don’t feel like they are worth the stress of reconciliation.
I do this when I am going through tough times and would rather be alone, but people around me can’t get the hint.
Even though I do it, I can tell you for free that it is a terrible way to treat your husband.
Ignoring your husband is never the way to go, especially when it involves conflicts and resolutions.
You may find it easier to ignore him than to address the thorny issue between you.
But sometimes, the easy route is not the best route in the long run.
It is better to deal with thorny issues immediately than to allow them to grow into something too big to handle.
When you shut your husband out at the slightest provocation, you give off the “I don’t want you around me” vibe.
If you continue doing so, you will be pushing your husband away from you unintentionally.
You really need to stop doing this in your relationship.
2. You don’t communicate well
Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship.
Take it away; all the goosebumps and butterflies in your belly won’t save your relationship.
Do you want the funny thing about love?
If you stop communicating with your partner for a long time, you’ll probably have forgotten what you used to feel for them.
Communication is what nurtures love.
If you deliberately avoid having deep and meaningful conversations with your husband, it could be a sign that you are pushing him away.
Sadly, many people don’t know when they are doing this.
I am the type of person who doesn’t like to have serious conversations with people.
I feel like a fish out of water when people around me are too focused on serious matters.
So, I make jokes sometimes to lighten the air a little.
While this may not be a terrible idea in board meetings, where people may sometimes appreciate a humorous interlude, in your relationship, it shouldn’t be so.
Serious discussions should be serious.
So, if you realize that you are the type of wife who dodges meaningful conversations by making jokes or abruptly changing the topic, you shouldn’t be so surprised if your husband is distant from you.
All his attempts at having intimate and meaningful conversations with you have been frustrated.
He feels like you are stonewalling him, preventing him from getting to know you intimately.
Stonewalling doesn’t need to be hostile.
Some people can stonewall with humor.
They will have you laughing and gisting but still leave you feeling like they are strangers.
Stonewalling and avoiding meaningful conversations is a significant sign that you are pushing your husband away without even knowing it.
You need to learn to embrace open and honest communication.
It will improve intimacy and the general quality of your relationship.
3. You overthink everything he does
Overthinking my actions is usually the surest way to push me away.
There was one lady I liked back then.
I don’t even know what made me like her, but I just did.
We were “friends” at least as much as two people who had never met each other could be.
My problem with her started when she would always call every day.
I dislike it when people call me every day.
My dear, you are just a friend, and I have a bunch of other friends.
What would I accomplish if they all called me every day and spoke to me for at least an hour each?
What time would I have for myself?
I told her she couldn’t call me every day, but she translated it as me saying that I didn’t want to have anything to do with her.
She kept on doing crazy things like this and overthinking my reactions so much that I just had to run for my life.
Why should I be afraid to express myself because you would overthink and overanalyze everything I said?
If you read too much into your husband’s actions and words all the time, you may be pushing him away without knowing it.
What I have learned is that most of the time, overthinkers tend to jump to false conclusions.
The weirdest thing is that they usually don’t accept that they were wrong, even when it is glaring.
This is a toxic trait to have in a relationship.
It could put your husband under a lot of unnecessary pressure.
I have a friend who overthinks.
If she texts a guy she likes and he doesn’t reply in a few minutes, she starts fretting and saying crazy things about how he doesn’t like her.
This tendency to always jump to the worst possible conclusion, and most times, wrongly, is what keeps many guys away from her.
Similarly, you could be pushing your husband away without knowing it if you tend to overthink your actions.
Don’t normalize it by saying things like, “I am just an overthinker” or “That’s just me being myself.”
If you overthink, it is a terrible trait that will keep you unhappy in relationships until you make deliberate efforts to work on yourself.
Start training yourself to look on the bright side.
When you see that you are jumping to the worst possible conclusion, you need to remind yourself of other options.
Instead of thinking he isn’t replying to your texts because he hates you, you can think of something else like…
“He could be busy.”
“He is probably in a meeting.”
“Maybe he is asleep.”
Making excuses for people helps our hearts and our relationships.
4. You expect him to read your mind
Dear wives, your husbands are not mind readers.
Stop expecting them to know what you are thinking if you don’t talk.
I am sorry to break it to you.
The fact that you are married to someone doesn’t mean that they can discern your thoughts and desires at a glance.
Expecting your husband to just know what you are thinking is a great way to push him away.
The sad part is that many wives do this without knowing that they are actually pushing their partners away.
You can’t go to a psychologist for therapy and keep mute while waiting for him to read your mind.
Similarly, in marriage, you must learn to express how you feel.
Sometimes, you may be angry at your husband, and he doesn’t even know.
Keeping silent and acting cold wouldn’t convey any meaningful information to him.
It just makes him feel like you are acting up.
Clear and honest communication is important if you don’t want your actions to be misunderstood by your husband.
5. You neglect quality time
I know many ladies and women want to be high-flying professionals in their careers.
It is impressive to see women breaking the stereotypes that have held many down for generations.
Way to go!!
However, while we are at it, we shouldn’t lose sight of other things that matter.
Career goals are great, but family goals also matter.
High-value women still make time out to spend quality time with their husbands.
In fact, a sign that you are pushing your husband away without knowing it is being too busy to spend some quality time with him.
If you are married to a man who acknowledges and supports you in your career, you should be able to take some time off to spend quality time with him.
If you realize that you haven’t gone on a date with your husband or even done special with him in a long time, it is a sign that something is wrong.
If you are brutally honest with yourself and you discover that you are the reason why you haven’t enjoyed quality time with your husband, you have been pushing him away without even knowing it.
Men will try to get your attention until they give up.
Then, they take things in their strides.
This has to stop.
Prioritize spending quality time with your husband, even while you are busy breaking stereotypes.
You can be successful in all aspects of your life; success in both career and relationships is not mutually exclusive.
You can do both.
6. You constantly criticize him
If you constantly criticize your husband and claim you don’t know you are pushing him away with your criticism, I have a question for you…
What did you hope to gain with your constant criticism?
Anyway, I am adding this because a friend said a wife can be over-critical of her husband without wanting to push him away.
One very sure way to push your husband away is to always see his flaws.
If you are always pointing out your husband’s mistakes or shortcomings, it shouldn’t be a surprise to you if he withdraws from you.
Everyone has flaws, and while constructive criticism is a good way to point out areas for improvement, constantly criticizing your husband only alienates him from you.
If you are looking for a sign that you are pushing your husband away without knowing it, you need to answer these questions honestly…
Are you always pointing out his flaws?
Have you hardly ever complimented him?
Are you quick to criticize but slow to compliment?
If the answer to all these questions is yes, you have the answer to your question.
You have been pushing your husband away with your constant criticism.
He is distant because you hardly ever make him feel good about himself.
You need to stop this.
Try picking out your husband’s positive features and compliment them.
Try appreciating the efforts he puts into the relationship.
Try pointing out his flaws to him in a constructive way and suggesting how to improve kindly.
Be kind to your husband.
7. You are emotionally unavailable
Can you be emotionally unavailable to your husband?
Yes, you can.
Being emotionally distant or unavailable can make your husband feel neglected.
Sometimes, wives don’t notice when they are acting all distant to their husbands.
This is problematic because it makes them think their husbands are just acting up when they withdraw from them.
A friend of mine was acting cold and distant.
She did this for months.
Every time I reached out to her, she treated me coldly.
After several attempts, I finally learned to keep to myself.
She acted like she hadn’t noticed for some time until one day when she asked why I had been so distant from her.
My first instinct was to laugh, not because I found it funny but because I was totally amazed at how self-absorbed she was.
I pointed out all the times I tried to contact her, and she apologized, saying that she was dealing with a lot at the time.
I felt like she didn’t want to be friends anymore because she handled things the wrong way.
Similarly, If you’re preoccupied with your own issues and not offering emotional support, your husband might start to feel like he’s in the relationship alone.
If you’re so preoccupied with yourself that you no longer share intimate details with your husband, you may be pushing him away without knowing it.
8. You have taken him for granted
In marriages, appreciating your partner has a lot of benefits.
It makes them feel valued and motivates them to do much more.
Beyond the benefits, it is just the right thing to do when someone does something for you.
Sometimes, we need to judge things by whether they are right or wrong instead of by their benefits.
If you notice that your husband has been distant around you for some time, this may be the reason.
Not appreciating your husband when he does things in the relationship is a terrible behavior.
It doesn’t do your relationship any good.
Rather, it pushes your husband away from you.
Your lack of appreciation and respect for him discourages him from investing himself in the relationship.
This is because your behavior makes him feel undervalued and underappreciated.
Start cultivating the habit of appreciating your husband.
It is quite important.
This goes both ways.
Husbands reading this article should also make a decision to appreciate their wives.
She cooks a meal; appreciate her.
She does the laundry; appreciate her.
She picks the kids up from school; appreciate her.
They may seem like basic duties, but if you don’t appreciate the little things, how will you know how to appreciate the big things?
9. You hold grudges
Holding on to grudges is one sure way to push someone who loves you away.
In marriage and relationships, generally, resentment shouldn’t be a thing.
Couples should learn how to handle conflicts effectively without letting things get out of hand.
If you are the type of wife who has a long memory of every wrongs your husband has committed in the relationship, it is not such a wonder that the connection between you and your husband is weakening.
Resentment builds a wall between couples.
If you allow resentment to take root in you, it can and will drive you to push your husband away.
Holding on to resentment makes it hard for your husband to communicate with you.
It makes it hard for him to connect with you.
Every man has a limit.
After trying for some time, your husband may get tired of trying.
This is when he retreats into his own shell, and it begins to seem like he is cold and distant.
To have a successful marriage, you need to learn to forgive.
Happy couples have learned how powerful forgiveness is and practice it constantly in their relationships.
Recognizing the signs you are pushing your husband away without knowing it is the first step towards getting your relationship back.
Embedded within the article are important things you can do to bridge the gap between you and your husband before things worsen.
By consciously making an effort to reconnect with your husband, you can strengthen your bond and bring back the closeness you once shared.
Just like “little drops of water make a mighty ocean,” a little effort consistently goes a long way in nurturing a loving and lasting marriage.
Start doing your “little” today.