I know that no one gets married with the intention of ensuring that the marriage doesn’t succeed.
Maybe, I should say “almost, no one”.
Anyway, wishes are not horses, and regardless of the great hopes some women have for their marriages, things may not just work out.
Because the truth is that it is one thing to want a good marriage, and it is another to do the things that enable you to have a good marriage.
This may seem unusual, so consider the following scenario: Imagine I want to become a data analyst.
It is a great plan to have for my future, but then I don’t take the necessary classes and tutorials to get relevant certifications.
My dream of being a data analyst will remain a dream.
But if I take the right steps, my dreams are closer to becoming my reality.
That’s what high-value women do differently in their marriages.
They don’t just sit around, hoping for a good marriage.
They do things that ensure that they have a good marriage.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not putting the burden of ensuring a good marriage on the wife alone.
Both husband and wife have things to do to ensure a successful marriage.
But since we are focused on high-value women, let’s take a look at those things they do differently in their marriages.
8 Things High-Value Women Do Differently In Marriage
1. They communicate effectively
Effective communication is important for the success of a relationship.
While communication may seem like a simple action, it is not so simple.
It requires a lot of maturity, especially in some special circumstances that you may face in marriage.
I have seen women who don’t know how to communicate complain about their husbands misunderstanding them and my reaction is always the same.
“How do you expect someone to understand you when you can’t communicate effectively?”
The ultimate goal of communication is to achieve understanding.
It is only then that communication can truly be called effective.
This is one area that high-value women get right in their relationships.
They know how to communicate effectively with their husbands.
In fact, communicating clearly with their husbands is a priority for them.
And truly, this is what makes their marriages work.
High-value women don’t spend time expecting their husbands to read their minds and know what is wrong.
They express their feelings calmly and honestly.
You must note that “calmness” is a crucial characteristic.
Because I have seen some women who think that they communicate effectively, but all they manage to do is react hysterically and dramatically to everything.
That’s not effective communication.
Hence, to enjoy a successful marriage, you should communicate effectively to build trust and understanding in your relationship.
2. They set clear boundaries
I know you may be wondering if it is right to set boundaries in such an intimate relationship like marriage.
Well, it is.
In every relationship, boundaries are important.
Even, in marriage.
Healthy marriages thrive on respect and high-value women are “high value” because they attract respect from people.
It is not just something that happens by a fluke.
High-value women ensure that they are treated with respect by intentionally setting clear boundaries in their marriages.
When I am speaking of boundaries, I am not talking of the “my money is my money while your money is ours” boundary.
That’s a silly rule held by selfish people who don’t truly understand that marriage is a partnership.
High-value women don’t do things like that.
Instead, they express their needs clearly and lovingly without sounding combative.
They do this to ensure that their emotional, physical, and mental well-being are protected in the relationship.
They don’t tolerate disrespect or settle for toxic treatment from their husbands.
This is what clear boundaries are for.
To ensure that they are treated the right way.
You may argue that a man who loves a woman won’t treat her badly, and you won’t be wrong, but this doesn’t mean that setting boundaries is wrong.
The truth is that we have to teach people to treat us the way we want.
And this is what those boundaries are for.
There should be no name-calling, yelling, or insulting remarks.
There should be no abuse of any kind.
These are the types of boundaries that high-value women set in their relationships.
3. They support their husbands
One of the most attractive things about being in a relationship is the support you can get from a supportive partner.
From a very tender age, I had already learned that a person can’t survive on their own.
We all need someone who has our back.
So, when I hear people talk about how they succeeded on their own, I feel sad for them because they have refused to give credit to the few people who supported them.
Anyway, couples should support each other.
High-value women know this, and they support their husbands.
However, the only way they do it differently is that they don’t just support their husbands to the point that they lose themselves.
I have seen women share bitter stories about how they supported their husbands while paying little attention to themselves.
Now, they regret ever supporting their husbands.
Well, what happened to them is sad and it is the reason why you must never lose yourself in your support of someone else.
High-value women know this.
They uplift their husbands while chasing their own dreams.
She doesn’t sacrifice all her dreams for the sake of her marriage while she supports her husband in his dreams.
The truth is that sacrifices are inevitable in marriage but it becomes a problem when it is only one person doing the sacrificing.
Support doesn’t have to always be one-sided.
If you support your husband, then you are also entitled to his support.
High-value women know that marriage is a partnership, and they ensure that they thrive in their marriages with their husbands by supporting their dreams even as they pursue theirs.
4. They maintain independence
I believe I need to clarify what I mean by independence before we proceed.
Independence in marriage doesn’t mean making every decision yourself without consulting your partner.
Independence in marriage means having a life of your own outside of marriage.
You should have your own personal purpose and activities you engage in alone.
You can’t always be with your husband.
So, what do you do in those periods?
That’s what maintaining independence means.
I have seen some really clingy wives who just always want to be with their husbands.
When they are not with him, they spend the whole time pining for him.
While it’s good to love and miss your husband, this behavior doesn’t help your marriage thrive.
High-value women are “high-value” because they maintain their independence even in marriage.
They have a life of their own, a job, or something that gives them purpose and this helps them a lot.
They don’t just find fulfillment in their marriages alone.
They also find fulfillment in other purposeful activities outside their marriage.
So, it could be a job, a hobby or volunteering, do something by yourself.
It helps the marriage.
5. They are emotionally intelligent
I think we don’t talk about emotional intelligence enough.
We need to do better because sometimes the reason people have conflicts is not because conflict is inevitable.
Sometimes, conflicts occur because of a gross lack of emotional intelligence.
Some people lack emotional intelligence.
They have zero recognition of the extent of their emotions and their partners.
This could become a real problem.
Growing up, there were times when a joke would go too far and lead to a fight.
What I noticed from those occasions was that it was a lack of sensitivity on the part of the joker that led to the fight.
Emotional intelligence is sensitivity to our emotions and those of our partners.
High-value women know the importance of emotional intelligence to their relationships and hence, exercise emotional intelligence in all their interactions with their husbands.
They manage conflicts by being wise and not just reactive.
A few days ago, my neighbors got into another fight and while I don’t exactly blame anyone, at some point, the man wanted to go and cool off outside.
Guess what the wife did?
She blocked his way, locked the door, and started shouting, “You must kill me today, oo”.
I thought about the situation and realized that both of them lacked emotional intelligence.
But the wife showed a higher tendency to be reactive rather than wise.
Here’s how high-value women handle conflicts: they are more focused on the resolution of conflicts instead of winning the argument.
They always pause before reacting.
Take a deep breath before reacting, and if you feel some hesitation, that’s your brain telling you that you are about to do something unwise.
They also know how to apologize for their actions when they are wrong.
I saw a man saying that he has to apologize to his wife when he is wrong for being wrong, and when he is right for being right.
That’s a really toxic dynamic.
It shows a woman who never takes responsibility for her actions.
High-value women take responsibility for their actions.
That’s what makes them high value.
6. They prioritize intimacy
Intimacy is very important.
Intimacy is very important.
Repeat it until it sinks in.
I have seen several married women try to make intimacy seem insignificant, especially physical intimacy.
The truth is that it is very important.
High-value women prioritize intimacy in their relationships.
You know, when I said high-value women maintain independence?
Well, even then, they don’t relegate intimacy with their husbands.
They reject complacency and prioritize genuine connection with their husbands.
They do this by making time out for regular dates.
It doesn’t have to always be elaborate affairs.
Even an ice cream date with her husband is greatly appreciated.
High-value women are also not shy to initiate physical intimacy when they desire it.
And they don’t just communicate with signs alone.
They make elaborate plans and communicate clearly with their husbands.
Occasionally, they also surprise their husbands with gifts and love notes.
Yeah, men love surprise gifts too.
High-value women are intentional about their marriages, and this is what ensures the success of their relationship.
7. They invest in their own happiness
I know it is normal for you to expect your partner to be a source of happiness to you.
It is not a bad expectation to have.
But high-value women take things a step further.
They are not just intentional about their relationships.
They are also intentional about their happiness.
They don’t outsource their personal joy to their husbands.
Instead, they invest in their own happiness by focusing on their passions and also bringing positivity into the relationship instead of always complaining or nagging about something.
They know that you can’t pour from an empty cup.
So, they prioritize self-care.
They schedule “me-time” when they spend time alone, reflecting and doing things that they love.
They also know when to delegate household tasks and ask for their husbands’ help when they feel overwhelmed.
This is better than playing the martyr.
If you do all of these as well, you will realize that you will experience more happiness in your marriage.
8. They protect the privacy of their marriages
Your marriage is not something you should always share with online and onsite audiences.
High-value women know this, and they protect the privacy of their marriage to prevent unsolicited third-party interference.
They don’t air their grievances on social media or overshare with strangers.
Come to think of it, social media is not the right place to air your marital grievances.
High-value women always consider the usefulness of an action before performing the act.
They keep their conflicts private and work through their issues as a team.
I am close to several married people, and there are certain things I have noticed.
There are some who can’t help it.
Their WhatsApp status always has this unique way of reflecting the state of their home.
You will just know when something is wrong because of the things they post on their status.
And there are others who have never mentioned a conflict to anyone.
Does it mean that they don’t have conflicts?
No.
They have conflicts but know how to resolve them privately.
The truth is that while I may have spoken of high-value women like they bear the entire responsibility of ensuring the success of the marriage, the contributions of husbands are also important.
High-value women + high-value men= high-value marriage.
The equation is really simple.
An extraordinary marriage isn’t about luck—it’s about daily choices.
When both partners make the right choices every day, they are going to enjoy a successful marriage.
And of course, there will be days when they make the wrong choices, they should be able to acknowledge their mistakes and retrace their steps.