After nearly two decades of marriage, I’ve come to appreciate the beautiful, ever-changing experience that is life with my husband.
It’s a journey marked by laughter, love, and yes, the occasional eye roll over who forgot to take out the trash.
But some years ago, I decided to look deeper into our daily routine, and I realized that certain habits of mine were holding us back from truly thriving as a couple.
Determined to honor our union and make space for a better atmosphere in our home, I set out to let go of behaviors that no longer served us.
With feelings that are a mix of humor, soberness, and heartfelt reflection, I’m excited to share the twelve things I stopped doing that not only honored my husband but also helped restore the beautiful connection between us.
12 Things I Stopped Doing To Honor My Husband
1. Trying to change him
The temptation to change people is always there in us, whether we admit it or not.
Whether it is that friend who talks too much, the sibling who never speaks up and expresses themselves, or your coworker who has very weird ideologies about life that you wish to just change.
There’s always something we want to change in the people around us, and that’s because they’re not us, so they can never be hundred percent the way we expect them to be.
I used to believe that if I just nudged my husband in the right direction, he would morph into the perfect partner I had in my head.
From suggesting he eat healthier to changing his sleep habits to influencing his accent when speaking, I was relentless.
One evening, while trying to convince him to join a new fitness class, I noticed his eyes looking
tired.
That was when it hit me: I wasn’t honoring him; instead, I was trying to mold him into someone he wasn’t.
Nobody had to tell me to change; I automatically did, and it was quite liberating.
I started to celebrate who he was instead.
I even joined him in his favorite activities, like watching sports or diving into his favorite books.
I realized how frustrated I’d be if he were always on a quest to change something about me.
This little change not only made us both appreciate each other more, but it also made him feel more valued by me as his wife.
2. Making assumptions
I used to have a thing for jumping to conclusions, often assuming what my husband was thinking or feeling without asking him or hearing him speak.
If he seemed distant, I’d immediately conclude he was upset with me.
I’d never forget the evening I spent an hour stewing over an imagined argument, only to find out he was merely tired from work.
It dawned on me that assumptions only fueled misunderstandings.
When you let go of this habit and stop being the athlete whose only specialty is jumping to conclusions, your marriage gets better.
I learned to ask questions instead of assuming, and this opened up more honest conversations for us.
Sometimes, a simple “Hey, you seem a bit off today. Is everything okay?” can be the door to deeper conversations.
3. Being distracted by my phone
Not just phones, laptops, tablets, and other technological devices.
It’s almost unbelievable the way these devices have taken over our lives and will take over our marriages and homes if we let them.
Multitasking had become the norm, and it wouldn’t have been an issue if not that it often left him feeling sidelined.
When I saw him pause mid-sentence one day, looking disheartened, I realized that I was not respecting this man and I was missing the moments that mattered.
Both parties must be present in communication and interactions.
Now, I put my phone away during meals and conversations, making it easy for us to connect.
Our discussions have become more meaningful and filled with genuine laughter and precious moments.
4. Avoiding difficult conversations
We’ve had our share of disagreements over the years, but I often found myself avoiding difficult topics to keep the peace.
I hate confrontations and uncomfortable discussions, so I’d rather sweep issues under the rug, thinking it would prevent conflict.
But I soon realized that unresolved feelings were persistent, like a sore that wouldn’t heal.
One night, while watching a show, my husband brought up a topic I’d been avoiding, and I could see the frustration on his face.
I learned that honesty is a form of respect, and it communicates honor.
So, I started embracing difficult conversations with openness and a willingness to listen.
Instead of avoiding issues, we began to address them together, helping us understand each other better.
This change wasn’t just for him, honestly, because when I did it, it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I needed it too.
5. Criticizing his decisions
I’m a first daughter, so perhaps that’s why, in the past, I found myself nitpicking my husband’s choices, from what to wear to where to eat, just like I’d do for my younger siblings when we lived with our parents.
“Are you going to wear that shirt again?” I’d playfully tell him, but sometimes, it felt more like a jab than a lighthearted comment.
I didn’t realize that my words were affecting him negatively.
Thankfully, it didn’t take long for me to recognize the impact my criticism had on him.
I now appreciate his choices, whether it’s a wild Hawaiian shirt, a weird combination of our traditional meals, or an unexpected dinner spot.
By validating and appreciating his decisions instead of undermining them, I watched my husband’s confidence blossom, and our evenings became filled with laughter instead of second-guessing.
6. Ignoring his love language
In the early years, I didn’t fully grasp the concept of love languages.
It wasn’t as popular then as it is now.
I’d just express my love to him in ways that felt natural to me but overlooked how my husband needed to feel cherished.
For him, words of affirmation were crucial, yet I often got caught up in daily routines and acts of service that I forgot to offer praise.
I’ll never forget the day he shared a work achievement with me, and I responded with a half-hearted “That’s nice” while I scrolled through my phone.
I could almost physically see his heartbreak.
I realized I needed to honor his love language by making a conscious effort to speak it.
I started showering him with compliments and expressing my appreciation for his hard work.
The joy on his face was worth every word, and I knew he felt more valued.
7. Overcommitting to other people and undercommitting to him
If I had to advise any young wife, it’d be in this area.
I’d tell her to avoid overcommitting to other people and undercommiting to her husband.
I was the yes-woman in our social circle, always agreeing to host dinner parties or volunteer for every committee.
My husband would often come home to find me juggling plans with friends, family, and community obligations.
With time, he was always slumping on the couch, overwhelmed by the busy schedule I had created.
It dawned on me that my desire to please everyone was pushing us apart.
I decided to draw boundaries and prioritize our time together.
By scaling back on the extra and unnecessary commitments to other people, I created space for cozy nights and spontaneous adventures for my sweet man and me.
We discovered the joy of simply being together with no distractions or obligations, allowing our relationship to flourish even when life is chaotic.
I no longer allowed date nights to slip from our calendars like sand through our fingers; we became more intentional about them.
8. Taking him for granted
After nearly two decades, it was easy to forget the little things that made our relationship special.
I’d come to expect my husband to handle household tasks or take care of the kids without acknowledging his efforts.
I could be watching my husband wash the dishes, and instead of a thank you, I’d be silently judging the way he scrubbed the plates.
Bad behavior.
When I chose to start expressing gratitude more openly and celebrating the little things he did daily, like saying, “Thank you for washing the dishes, love. It means a lot!” the smile on his face was priceless.
9. Hiding from him
You wouldn’t think that being guarded is a dishonor to your spouse, but it is.
Particularly if they create a safe place for you to be open and vulnerable, but you still choose to hide.
For years, I built walls around my feelings, convinced that vulnerability would only lead to hurt.
I was that woman who’d put on a brave face even when I struggled.
My husband would look at me with concern, sensing my emotional distance, but I wasn’t willing to let those walls down.
Until we had to go through an experience together that shattered my walls.
It was time to let go of my fears and open up about my feelings.
I began to share my fears, dreams, and even insecurities, inviting my husband to do the same.
Our gists became richer, filled with empathy and love.
My husband felt honored that I granted him access to my inward parts that much, and he shows me so much support.
10. Revisiting the past and overthinking
Overanalyzing and overthinking hardly do any good.
I know because I used to do both so well.
I had a habit of overthinking stuff, revisiting past grievances, and bringing up old arguments during new discussions.
“Remember that time you forgot our anniversary? Maybe it doesn’t mean much to you,” I’d say, and it would feel like opening old wounds.
I didn’t realize how much I was dragging us both down by holding onto resentment.
It was time to let go of the past and focus on the present.
Both for the sake of our relationship and my mental health.
11. Making everything about me
One quote I think everyone needs to constantly remember is, “Always remember that it’s about you but not all about you.”
I think that quote helps bring the balance between caring about yourself and others.
In the hustle and bustle of life, I occasionally found myself making our conversations more about my feelings and experiences rather than listening to my husband.
I’d nod while he spoke but would quickly pilot the conversation back to my day or challenges.
It was terrible. Self-centered.
But I changed and began to actively listen, asking questions and showing genuine interest in his thoughts and feelings.
And boy, did this upgrade our friendship!
12. Forgetting myself
You’d think just because I said I was wrong for making everything about me, I should not promote self-care.
Far from it.
Neglecting my needs and interests did not in any way help.
Especially because my husband was encouraging me to pay attention to my passions, but I wasn’t listening.
I, at some point, believed that being a supportive wife meant putting my needs on the back burner.
I’d suffer in silence, thinking it was noble to prioritize his needs first.
One day, while feeling utterly drained after a busy week, I realized I was neglecting my well-being, and that was making me resent my husband subtly because I felt cheated.
My husband could sense my exhaustion and gently urged me to share what I needed.
I learned that honoring my needs didn’t mean neglecting his; rather, it enhanced our relationship.
My husband was more than willing to support me when I communicated my needs and desires.
We could both thrive; we just needed to establish the balance.
Marriage is a truly beautiful journey, and I’m thoroughly enjoying mine.
When I decided that it was time to let go of these things to truly honor my husband and enrich our marriage, our home was much better!