I’m sure we all wish it were, but unfortunately, marriage isn’t always sunshine and roses.
Sometimes, it gets messy, and you find yourself wondering where things went wrong.
Sometimes, those “things that went wrong” can seem completely out of control, and one may feel that nothing can be done to redeem the situation.
But the first thing I want you to take away from this post is that no marriage is beyond saving if both partners are willing to make the effort.
Yes, it’s not easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but with the right steps, you can turn things around.
So, if you’re on the verge of giving up or looking to reconnect with your spouse, this post is for you.
Let’s look at the ways to rebuild your marriage again.
9 Things It Takes To Fix A Marriage That’s Falling Apart
1. Open And Honest Communication
The first step to solving a problem is identifying it.
But it’s not enough to know that your marriage is falling apart – that’s obvious already.
What you need is more details – why, how, when.
You need to know why things are falling apart, how things fell apart, and when things began to fall apart.
The best way to answer these questions is to talk openly and honestly.
If you or your partner bottle up feelings, the misunderstandings will compound.
Besides that, it shows one or both of you are not ready to rebuild the marriage.
If you are, you need to be intentional about honest conversations.
Take time to listen to each other without judgment.
Share how you feel, even if it’s hard, and make sure to validate your partner’s emotions.
You must ensure to hear each other out and understand where your spouse is coming from.
This will require some vulnerability.
I know it can be difficult for some people, but try to remember that fixing the marriage is a priority when you are tempted to hide in your shell.
Additionally, try not to accuse each other as much as you can.
Although one person may indeed have a bigger blame, it still takes two to tango, so both parties are at fault.
Plus, blaming each other serves no purpose because you want to solve the problem, not compound it.
So, speak more about your feelings rather than throwing accusing fingers.
Again, don’t sweep anything under the rug; talk about underlying issues and address the difficult topics.
That’s the only way you can begin to heal and fix your marriage.
2. Rebuild Trust
No marriage can survive without trust.
For a marriage to be falling apart, most likely, trust would have been shattered, and the sad thing is that it takes time to rebuild.
But again, it’s not impossible with sincere effort.
This effort would largely be the responsibility of the party who broke the trust, but the principle would remain the same even if both parties broke trust.
That said, start by being consistent in your actions so that your partner will begin to trust you.
Say what you mean and follow through on promises, no matter how small.
You also need to avoid lying, even about little things, because it can create doubt.
Remember that your spouse doesn’t trust you, so you won’t get away with the lies you used to get away with now.
Right now, they analyze everything you say and you wouldn’t want to be caught in a lie as it could destroy the trust you are building.
You must show your partner they can rely on you again by being dependable and transparent.
3. Seek Professional Counseling Or Therapy
Sometimes, you need a neutral third party to step into the situation.
Although I spoke about honest and open conversation earlier, it might be challenging with just the two of you.
Here is where a therapist or counselor comes in.
They can help you and your partner understand each other better and provide tools to navigate the tough spots.
They will help you both open up and get to the root of the issue.
I understand that it can feel awkward at first – after all, opening up to a stranger can feel like washing your dirty linen outside.
But having a safe space to express feelings can work wonders.
So, consider it, especially when you both struggle with talking through the issue.
4. Forgive And Let Go Of Grudges
I read somewhere that a good marriage consists of two forgivers, and I completely agree.
This is because there is no way two people in any form of relationship won’t offend each other.
So, you must be willing to forgive each other much more as you are trying to fix your marriage.
I understand that what your partner did was probably very hurtful, but holding on to past hurts keeps your marriage stuck in resentment.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget what happened, but it does mean releasing the pain so you can move forward.
Talk about what hurt you, but don’t dwell on it.
Instead, work on healing together.
You might think it’s a cliché when people say forgiveness is for you, but it really is; it frees you.
In addition to that, don’t rush the process because it doesn’t happen overnight.
All you need is a willingness to let it go and to take it one step at a time.
5. Prioritize Quality Time
Life gets busy, yes, but a marriage that’s falling apart needs undivided attention.
You need time to bond, time to just exist and talk without necessarily doing anything.
So, schedule a time to reconnect.
It doesn’t have to be something big all the time, even though that’s still important.
So, definitely schedule date nights, but you can also go for walks, watch movies, cuddle, or just sit together to talk.
Turn off the distractions – phones, TVs, and work emails – and focus on each other.
Doing things you both enjoy reminds you why you fell in love in the first place.
Like I said, it doesn’t have to be elaborate; just make sure it is consistent.
6. Set Realistic Expectations And Boundaries
Before I got married, I had fairy tale ideas of love and marriage.
Thankfully, I was able to set my expectations in order before marriage.
If I had gotten married with those rose-colored glasses, I don’t know if my home would have survived it.
I say that to say that sometimes, unrealistic expectations can strain a marriage.
Be honest about what you both need and what you can realistically give.
Discuss boundaries, too; talk about what’s okay and what’s not in your relationship.
Some people might be averse to the thought of boundaries in marriage, but it’s not about being completely excluded from your partner’s life.
What it means is to create a safe, respectful space where both of you feel valued.
When you align expectations and set clear boundaries, it minimizes conflicts and helps you focus on rebuilding what matters most.
7. Rekindle Intimacy And Emotional Connection
A marriage thrives on intimacy, both physical and emotional.
If the spark has faded, try to reignite it.
Start with small gestures like holding hands, hugging, or even saying “I love you” more often.
You can also get creative by writing letters to each other, sending each other lunch when they least expect it, setting up spontaneous dates, and so on.
Also, create a closer bond by sharing your fears, hopes, and dreams with each other.
Be intentional about creating moments of closeness and making each other feel seen, loved, and desired again.
8. Appreciate Each Other More
We often take appreciation for granted, but it goes a long way in making your spouse feel good about themselves, which can encourage them to do more.
When marriages struggle, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong, and I get it.
After all, so much is going wrong, so we feel validated by focusing on it.
But when you want to fix your marriage, you must learn to now focus on the good.
Pay attention to the things your partner does well and appreciate them for it, no matter how small.
Trust me, a simple “thank you” can do magic; no wonder it is called a magic phrase.
Also, compliment each other regularly and make each other feel valued and appreciated.
9. Commit To Mutual Growth And Effort In Your Marriage
Your marriage won’t fix itself; it will take effort from both of you.
So, commit to growing individually and as a couple.
For instance, read books and/or attend workshops where you learn self-development as well as tips to become a better person and spouse.
You should also have deep conversations about your goals as partners – that’s sure to strengthen your bond.
A marriage that is falling apart doesn’t get fixed overnight, so be ready to be patient, show up, and be there for each other.
When both of you are equally invested, it is only a matter of time before you have a thriving marriage again.