Honesty and transparency are important in any healthy marriage – at least, they are vital if you want it to last.
But let’s be real; even in the most open relationships, some topics are uncomfortable for everybody.
I know I have been guilty of avoiding some conversations because they were difficult; it just seemed easier to pretend it wasn’t happening than to open the can of worms.
I wouldn’t recommend it as it is always better to communicate, but sometimes, it is easier said than done.
It is even more challenging for men to talk about some things, especially because they love to enjoy peace – even if it’s false – so they are used to locking their emotions in because they fear judgment from their women whom they want to always consider them heroes.
If you don’t have this challenge, you might think that’s just an excuse to hide things, but it really isn’t always the case.
Sometimes, it’s about self-preservation, and other times; they think it’s a way to protect their partner.
Whatever the case, reading this will help wives understand why these topics are sensitive for men so they can approach discussing them with more sensitivity.
Let’s get into it.
8 Things Men Avoid Discussing With Their Wives
1. Financial Struggles or Insecurities
For many men, discussing financial struggles feels like admitting failure.
Society often paints men as the providers.
All his life, he’s been made to feel like being the provider is what makes him a man.
So, he unconsciously ties his self-worth to money.
When he has money, he is a man; when he doesn’t, he is less than a man.
If someone has spent all his life thinking this way, it will be difficult to open up when money is tight.
Instead, they might try to fix things quietly or hope the issue resolves itself.
As a wife, you need to understand that it’s not so much that he doesn’t trust you; he’s just afraid of being judged or letting you down.
2. Sexual Dissatisfaction or Desires
Talking about sex isn’t always easy, especially when it involves dissatisfaction with sex or unspoken desires.
Also, it is a lot more difficult when you care about the person involved.
Imagine someone you love coming to tell you they are not satisfied with sex.
I know you might say, “I’d rather know than not know,” and I believe you.
However, it will still hurt because you will feel bad that you are unable to satisfy your husband, even if you understand where he is coming from.
Therefore, many men shy away from this conversation because they fear hurting their partner’s feelings.
They might not want her to carry that blame around.
So, instead, they keep quiet and hope things improve naturally.
They may also avoid talking about certain desires, especially when they are not conventional, or they feel their wife might not be open to them.
Of course, this is an assumption they shouldn’t have as they might be surprised by how open she is to exploring.
But that doesn’t change the fact that they would rather keep it to themselves than risk rejection or her seeing them as freaks.
3. Past Relationships
Past relationships are not the issue on their own, as men can speak about this freely if they have those kinds of conversations with their wives.
But we all know relationships differ; some are more sensitive than others.
For instance, a relationship of three months might be different from one’s first love that you dated for five years.
With the latter, there are more emotions involved and they must have shared many memories that could raise insecurities in his wife.
So, he might avoid speaking too much about that kind of relationship because he wouldn’t want you feeling insecure or feeling like he is comparing you with her.
He will particularly avoid it if he notices you are touchy when her name comes up.
So, if you want him to open up about this, he has to be assured that you will handle hearing about her with less emotion.
But I’d say, it’s not something you need to talk about in detail except the past relationship has an impact on yours.
For instance, if there is a child involved or he developed trust issues because of it.
If not, you can do without the details.
4. Fear of Failure or Inadequacy
This is similar to the point about being the provider.
Apart from this incessant need to be the provider, men are also often pressured to have it all together in all areas of their lives—careers, relationships, and life in general.
So, like having money, he feels he must be strong at all times.
Therefore, admitting fear of failure can feel like admitting they’re not good enough.
They are afraid their wives will lose respect for them if they voice out their fears.
So, they keep them locked away, putting on a brave face instead of being vulnerable.
5. Emotional Struggles or Mental Health
We go through emotional struggles of one sort or the other.
What keeps us strong in those moments are people serving as our succor and lending us a shoulder to cry.
But, as I established above, many men see any form of vulnerability as a weakness.
Therefore, even when they’re struggling, they might shrug it off with an “I’m fine” or distract themselves with work or hobbies.
Rather than talk about it and get the help they need from their wives, they struggle to have those kinds of discussions because keeping face is more important.
Note I’m not trying to bash them because I understand that conditioning can be difficult to overcome.
6. Her Weight
You have probably come across one of those TikTok videos where women ask men a bunch of questions like, “Would you still love me if I were an ant?”
It’s usually funny how some men fumble through those kinds of questions.
Well, weight is one of those questions, except that it can be more serious than being an ant.
The only thing the two types of questions have in common is that men fumble them.
As it relates to weight, they avoid it like a plague.
When you ask your husband if you have added weight, he will likely tell you he thinks you look fine.
And when he notices obvious changes, he’ll likely keep quiet to avoid hurting your feelings or causing a blowout argument.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell you the truth, but he doesn’t want you to think he is criticizing you.
So if you want honesty from him, you will need to really assure him that you won’t get upset.
7. His Dislike for Her Family
If your husband dislikes your family, you better believe that’s not a topic he will likely ever bring up, not if he wants peace in his home.
Even if he doesn’t like specific things, for instance, you have a meddling mother or a sibling who is overly dependent on you, he’s likely to avoid talking about it when it happens.
I honestly understand this because how can he address something like this without sounding like he’s attacking your loved ones?
He knows you love them despite their shortcomings, so he will simply let it be and even learn to tolerate them.
Of course, if you encourage comments, he might make them.
But if you get defensive whenever they come up, chances are he will say nothing about it.
8. His Attraction to Another Woman
This one’s a minefield, and most men would rather die than ever broach this topic with their wives.
Now, before you go for the jugular, understand that just because people are attracted to others besides their spouse doesn’t mean they don’t love their spouse.
Rather, the love they have for their spouse will compel them to stay committed.
Love will prevent them from acting on it because they know acting on it will hurt their partner.
And when you love someone, you won’t want to hurt them.
Ultimately, it is what he does with those feelings that matter.
Plus, speaking about it with you might help him keep the attraction in check until it fades away.
Still, many will rather suppress it than bring it up because he is afraid you will not be able to handle it.
He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and will keep it to himself, hoping it eventually passes.
In conclusion, whatever your husband’s motive for keeping these things to himself, you can still get him to discuss them if you approach him without judgment and encourage him to open up.
Make sure your reaction is not out of place.
If it is, he might never open up again.
So, only encourage a discussion when you are sure you can handle the truth.