Many people are often told, “Don’t marry for potential.”
I’ve heard this said many times and quite agree with it.
The idea is that entering marriage hoping someone will change can lead to disappointment, especially because those changes might never come.
It’s a fact that just because someone is now a husband or a wife does not mean they will magically become different.
An unaffectionate boyfriend won’t instantly transform into a romantic husband, and a woman who struggles with patience or grace won’t soften with a wedding band.
That’s why it’s amazing when you see a married person, especially a man, actively choosing to grow, adapt, and become better—not just because marriage “requires” it but out of a genuine desire to enrich his relationship with his woman.
Today, we’re talking about men who strive to be better husbands, whether they’re already doing well as husbands or making positive changes to their negative habits.
What inspires a man to do this?
10 Things That Make A Man Want To Be A Better Husband
1. A submissive wife
Before you come for my head, why not hear me out first?
Yes, a submissive wife can make a man want to be a better husband.
This is not some preaching or attempt to lure wives into submitting to their husbands.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and decisions and the principles they live by.
However, one thing I know for sure because I’ve seen it happen in many marriages is that when a woman is genuinely submissive to her husband, she touches certain depths within him.
He inadvertently responds by being a better person for her.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone and doesn’t work for every marriage, but it does for a significant number.
Generally, habits are contagious, and although we often say this in the context of negative habits, it also applies to positive ones.
When a woman chooses to honor her husband, respect his opinions even when airing her point of view, trust him as a leader, and include him in decision-making, she shows him that she values him, and most men would respond by wanting to do better as well.
2. A loving wife
Love is another compelling force that can make a man choose to be better in his marriage.
“The power of a woman’s love can melt the hardest heart, heal the deepest wounds, and inspire the most impossible dreams.” — Unknown.
When a man truly sees the depth of his wife’s love, he might feel an overwhelming desire to live worthy of it.
It’s like being given something special, and you naturally respond by wanting to act in ways that show that you deserve it.
When a husband notices his wife’s quiet sacrifices, her unwavering support, or the way she always tries to see the best in him, it stirs something deep within him.
Her love is like a mirror, reflecting the best parts of him, and he’s inspired to live up to that image.
Imagine a man coming home exhausted after a long day only to find his wife has prepared his favorite meal and set up a cozy movie night.
Her thoughtfulness moves and fills him with gratitude, making him want to reciprocate.
The average man will realize that the little ways she shows love deserve to be met with equal effort, fueling his desire to show up as her partner in every sense of the word.
When he sees her supporting him and believing in his potential, he is inspired to reach it.
3. Becoming a dad
Before we even talk about this, let me spell out this disclaimer: Do not under any circumstances choose to have kids for a man just for the sole purpose of trying to tug at his heartstrings.
Don’t do it, Sis; it might not play out the way it is in your head.
Parenthood can bring out a man’s protective instincts and deepen his commitment to being a strong, supportive husband.
Watching his wife nurture and care for their children can make him realize the importance of setting a good example for his family.
However, this shouldn’t be what motivates a wife to have kids.
She should do so because she wants to, and they’ve agreed to do it as a couple.
Having kids is a humongous responsibility, and doing it solely to change a man is not wise.
What if he doesn’t change?
What happens to the kid?
It reminds me of a funny conversation I once saw online in which a girl said, “If you want to see a man’s true colors, get pregnant and have his baby.”
Someone else responded, “And when I’m done seeing the colors, what do I do with the baby?”
Exactly.
4. A grateful wife
Gratitude never births anything negative.
Sometimes, a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” is enough to make a man want to be better.
When a husband feels genuinely appreciated, his desire to support and care for his wife grows tenfold.
Her acknowledgment becomes fuel that motivates him to do more and be more, knowing that his efforts matter to her.
When your efforts are valued and appreciated, you’re naturally encouraged to do more.
Perhaps he surprises his wife by fixing the broken sink she’s been mentioning.
When she notices and gives him a heartfelt thank-you, he will feel proud and eager to find other ways to contribute to the house.
Her appreciation becomes a subtle but powerful force, inspiring him to be the kind of husband who can make her life easier and happier.
A win-win situation if you ask me.
5. Seeing his wife’s strength
One time, my uncle told me about how his wife had unknowingly motivated him to be a better person.
She was going through a very difficult crisis in her family, and it took a toll on her, and at that same time, she was dealing with issues at work, all while being a wife and juggling the needs of their young children.
He said he expected her to break down, and be a wreck and even take out some of her frustration on him.
But to his surprise, she showed so much strength.
She handled all situations well and remained a graceful and pleasant wife at home.
He said he learned so much from her in that season and was spurred to step up as a husband too.
When a man sees his wife stand strong during tough times, it challenges him.
Her resilience, whether in facing a family crisis or handling a challenging work situation, reveals her inner strength, and this strength makes him want to be someone she can lean on as well.
6. Admiring her patience and forgiveness
One thing about marriage is that it has the potential to bring out both the best and worst in people.
When a man sees his wife’s patience with his flaws or willingness to forgive easily and show compassion to outsiders, he’s inspired to work on himself.
Something is compelling about seeing someone show genuine kindness, displaying patience, forgiveness, and compassion.
Unless you have a heart of stone, you’d be touched and want to show the same kindness.
A woman who cares for others and can let go of offenses and move forward will likely make her husband want to be the kind of man who deserves that grace.
Sometimes, what nagging and criticism can’t fix can be fixed with patience and understanding.
Imagine a man who’s not the most organized person, constantly forgetting to pick up after himself.
Yet, his wife gently reminds him without making him feel bad.
Her patience can make him realize that he should be more thoughtful.
Granted, some men can take kindness for granted, but that’s not a reasonable person.
A reasonable husband will want to show that he’s learning and growing because of her gracefulness.
7. Seeing his wife becoming better
If there’s one salient but consistent message in most of the points we’ve discussed so far, it is that one change begets another.
A husband witnessing his wife’s commitment to becoming a better person can be the trigger for him, too.
When he sees her striving to grow—whether in her career, hobbies, or personal interests—it’s often a wake-up call for him.
It could also be how she’s getting better at balancing work, family, and personal time that inspires him to follow suit.
Or her selflessness and the little random acts of love she shows him.
It’s easy to change, or at least to make the decision to, when you have a good reference close to you, someone who consistently puts effort into being better.
The woman’s growth in these areas can encourage her husband to put more effort into their union.
My friend never stops talking about how her husband now constantly leaves love notes in her purse.
It all started after he noticed that she was consistently doing it for him when they got married.
Now, years down the line, he still does it even when she doesn’t.
He’s gotten better than her at her own game.
8. His desire to make her happy
We’ve said so much about the wife being the motivator for her husband’s desire to change.
But sometimes it’s none or that, it’s simply the man’s decision.
He wants to have a happy wife and he knows that when he’s a better husband, he’ll achieve that.
A happy wife is often a reflection of a happy marriage, and when a man sees how his efforts bring his wife joy, it encourages him to do more.
Her happiness becomes his happiness.
My husband is the classic example in this case.
He does so many kind and thoughtful things for me, both great and small, and seeing my excitement brings him immense joy.
It’s like my happiness further strengthens his desire to be a thoughtful husband, making him see that small gestures can make a big difference in our marriage.
9. He becomes religious
A man’s faith can be what spurs him unto good works.
When he’s a person of devotion to his beliefs and God, it will influence his marriage too.
Now and then, he might reflect on his wedding vows and feel a renewed sense of commitment.
Remembering those promises reminds him of the love he pledged to his wife and the fact that he’s accountable to God.
This reminder creates a desire in him to honor God and live by those words in everyday life.
He strives to create a lasting legacy of kindness and stability and a home that shows God’s love.
10. He sees other good husbands
We are all influenced by what we see and hear around us.
When a man consistently sees other men around him making more efforts to bring more value to their marriage, it influences him.
At first, he might not notice it, but with time, he begins to see himself either desiring to be better or doing better.
The way he sees the men around him speak highly of their wives or support and love them will leave deposits in his mind, and before long, he might start to do the same, making his marriage more beautiful.
When either party in a marriage chooses to do better and rise to responsibility, the union becomes sweeter.
However, it’s best when both parties are committed to being more devoted and being the best version of themselves.