Too often, we fall into the trap of thinking that we know what our partners want more than they do just because we love them.
This could cause a lot of strain in your relationship if it isn’t dealt with quickly enough.
The truth is that it happens to us all, but we will be more focused on women in this article.
I am sure many women have been there– trying to surprise, impress, or pamper the men in their lives, only to realize that their well-intentioned efforts and grand gestures are met with resistance and, in most cases, silent endurance.
The reality is that some of the things women think men love are actually things they totally hate.
You may wonder why such beliefs are still widespread if men hate them so much.
Well, most men may actually choose to endure in silence rather than brave the conflict that could come of complaining.
At the end of the day, being silent does no one any good.
I actually advise men to speak up.
But if they won’t, I will do it for them.
So, to save you from future misunderstandings (and possibly an eye-roll or two), here are some things women think men love—but men actually hate.
6 Things Women Think Men Love (But Men Actually Hate)
1. The “fix him” mentality
I don’t think it’s all women who have this urge to mother their husbands.
However, I think many women fall into this category.
They think that they can fix their husbands, and that is just half of the problem.
They also expect him to appreciate their efforts at fixing him.
“If I help him dress better, organize his life, and give constant advice, he’ll appreciate it.”
It is not uncommon to see a woman who thinks like this.
The reality of it is that only a few men like this.
Most men think that the pride of masculinity is being mostly self-sufficient.
They like to think that they are efficient and competent.
It could be an ego thing if he never asks for help, but if he asks for help when he needs it, it is just a normal thing.
Men don’t want to be treated like a project.
They don’t like it when their wives try to fix them, especially when they feel they are doing perfectly well.
As a teenager, I had already started manifesting this tendency.
I hate it when I obviously know what to do and you are still telling me what to do.
It makes me wonder what you really think of me.
Do you think I am such a bumbling fool who has no idea of the right things to do?
This is the exact same thing men wonder when their wives are always trying to fix them.
Your unsolicited advice can sometimes feel like criticism– an unfair criticism because he most likely already knows what to do.
Unless he asks for help, all he wants from you is support.
You are his wife, not his life coach.
Don’t give yourself that role.
Men’s responses to this differ, but the common reactions are eye rolls and slight frostiness as he goes about his activities.
However, for some others, it could be full-blown anger.
Ladies, your man loves it when you help him because he asked.
They even love it more when you tell them you are available when they need you.
What they don’t like is you trying to fix them and tell them what to do all the time.
2. Talking about the relationship non-stop
I love to talk to my partner all the time, but I don’t want to talk about our relationship all the time.
We can talk about other things instead of talking about the relationship and analyzing our feelings every day.
I know that when a relationship is serious, especially if it’s long term and you may feel the urge to always talk about the relationship.
But try to resist that urge.
Asking your man constantly about where your relationship is going or how he feels about the relationship could be counterproductive.
I understand that the goal is to plan for the future and get some clarity on the trajectory of the relationship.
But when this becomes the daily conversation, it makes spending quality time with you feel like an interrogation session.
I used to date this lady who always felt the urge to analyze the relationship.
Sometimes, she would overanalyze and overthink things so much.
It was so stressful for me.
The reality is that men often express their love through actions.
If his actions show that he loves and cherishes you, always talking about the relationship could actually mean that you don’t truly trust him.
Let your relationship breathe a little.
Have fun.
Talk about casual things.
Joke around with each other.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have meaningful conversations, but they don’t always have to be nonstop analysis of the relationship.
3. The mysterious hard-to-get vibe
“Men like to chase, so don’t accept his proposal easily. Let him chase you.”
I was in secondary school when I first heard this sentiment, and even then, it sounded laughable.
They say men are hunters who like the challenge of a hard chase.
Well, I don’t like the challenge of getting a hard-to-get woman.
I mean, life is already challenging enough.
Why would I go out of my way to look for additional challenges in my dating life?
I have even seen several blogs that advise women to act mysteriously and hard to get even when they are already in a relationship with their man because men love intrigue and mystery.
Well, I am a guy, and I know many guys.
I can categorically say that I haven’t met any who love this sort of mystery.
“Playing a little hard to keep keeps him interested and chasing me.”
This mentality could cause a lot of problems in your relationship.
While a little teasing can be fun, prolonged mind games get exhausting.
Men (just like women) appreciate clarity and honesty.
If he is into you, he would rather know you are into him too—without decoding mixed signals for weeks.
And when you are in a relationship, you should try to go easy on the mystery part.
Being secretive has no place in a relationship.
Men actually love it when they know their wives.
He may brag about it and make it seem like you are predictable but the fact that he knows you is a comfort to him.
4. Clinginess
I know only a few men who love an overly clingy partner.
So, it’s quite surprising how so many females think that men actually love it when their women are clingy.
The truth is that when a man loves his woman, he definitely wants to spend a lot of time with her.
It’s normal to expect this.
However, what he doesn’t want to do is spend ALL his time with her.
And here’s the issue with some ladies ( I won’t generalize because I know many ladies who don’t behave like this).
They love to spend all their time with their man and when they can’t spend all their time with their man, they love to check in all the time.
While staying connected is important, excessive texting, or several calls in a day can seem very overwhelming.
Men value a sense of independence and trust in their relationships.
I used to date a lady who would get angry every time she called and I didn’t pick up.
She would also get angry whenever I tried to end calls that had gone for hours because I had other things to do.
At some point, it just became too much for me to handle.
I couldn’t continue living that way.
The relationship was draining me.
Being overly clingy only makes your partner more stressed in the relationship.
I know you love to spend time with your man, but you must also learn to give him some personal space occasionally.
5. Over-the-top makeup
Makeup is great.
I think it is nice when it is applied by a skillful hand.
Inasmuch as I believe that makeup is nice, I think it is nicer to see your woman in her natural good looks.
Some women think their man wants them to be perfectly polished—flawless makeup, manicured nails, and hairless everywhere.
Because of this, they go the extra mile to always look polished for him.
Some married women even wear makeup around the house even when they have no plans of going out.
And while this is not something that men hate, I think many men prefer to see their woman looking natural.
Many men genuinely don’t care (or even notice) if your nails are done or if you skipped shaving for a week.
In fact, some find the “Instagram-perfect” look less relatable than a natural, relaxed version of you.
While it is not bad to apply makeup, I think most men prefer it to be subtle.
They won’t necessarily complain about your tendency to apply deep and bold makeup styles.
But sometimes, they just want to see their woman without layers of anything on her face.
Just her face.
They want you to attend events with them like these sometimes.
The truth is they find your natural looks more comforting.
To determine if your husband is that kind of man, you can talk to him about it.
Ask him what he thinks about it.
He may want to deflect but keep at it.
I am sure you will know what to do when you get an honest answer from him.
6. Pretending to love his hobbies
I know that having shared interests and hobbies with your partner can be so cute.
It is a way of bonding.
But the truth is you can’t like all his hobbies.
That’s just reality.
However, some women think that if they pretend to enjoy their hobbies, they will be impressed with them.
It doesn’t really work that way.
While men love it when their woman does something with them, they can feel it when she pretends to love the activity.
For instance, I love football, but I have never dated a girl who loves football.
And that’s not a bad thing.
During our relationship, they watched a couple of matches with me, and I had to explain many things.
But one thing they didn’t do was pretend to love football.
They only watched it with me occasionally because they knew I loved it.
Now, don’t get me wrong- you can fall in love with a new hobby.
But if you don’t really love his hobbies, don’t pretend to.
It can backfire.
Authenticity is key, and he’ll likely appreciate your unique passions more than feigned enthusiasm for his.
Ultimately, men are not as complicated as women sometimes make them out to be.
What do they really want?
Honesty, laughter, good food, and someone who enjoys their company without overthinking every little thing.
So ladies, take a deep breath.
He probably likes you just the way you are—no rose petals required.