Marriage is a place of so much learning, and I’ve had a share of my lessons, and I’m still learning.
And one of the things I’ve learned is that to be a happy wife, there are some things I need to stop doing, and I’m gonna share them with you.
8 Things I Stopped Doing in My Marriage to Become a Happier Wife
1. I stopped ignoring my husband when he hurt me. Instead, I communicate with him
I used to ignore my husband when he hurt me.
I don’t mean that I would ignore him for a few minutes—I mean that I would literally ignore him for days.
I’m not a controversial person, so I’d rather snub you than engage in a tussle.
But then, one day, it hit me like, why was I doing this?
Why was I choosing to be unhappy when there were so many other options?
I realized that if I wanted to be happy in my marriage, then I’d have to take responsibility for how I choose to react and deal with conflict.
So instead of ignoring my husband when he hurts me or refusing to talk, I will still be upset, but instead of avoiding him or shutting down, I will tell him what’s bothering me, and we’d talk about it.
It takes more effort than just being upset on my own, but it helps us get through issues quicker by communicating about them instead of ignoring them or fighting about them later when emotions are flying high.
2. I stopped expecting my husband to be perfect
This is a big one because I used to think that if my husband were perfect, then I wouldn’t have any problems in our marriage.
But the truth is that perfection doesn’t exist—not even in marriage.
And expecting someone to be perfect will only lead you down a path of disappointment and frustration.
I realized that there’s no such thing as “perfect” when it comes to marriage; there will always be things you might not like about your partner, and there are going to be times when you don’t get along.
That’s just the nature of being married.
If you expect perfection from your spouse and yourself all the time, you’ll never be happy with yourself or each other.
So instead of trying to make things perfect all the time (which we can’t do), I focus on making our relationship as healthy as possible.
3. I stopped expecting my husband to read my mind
I realized that I was becoming a hard-to-please wife because I expected him to know what I wanted, needed, and felt.
He’s not a mind reader, so it didn’t make sense for me to expect him to be one.
I also realized that if I wanted something from him, instead of just assuming he would know what it was, I should just ask for it.
For instance, a lot of women expect their husbands to give them best postpartum gifts, but not many husbands know this.
If your husband is like this, just let him know.
Don’t expect him to read your mind and know your heart desire.
4. I stopped thinking vulnerability is weakness
I used to think that being vulnerable made me weak and that I should always put up walls in my relationships because they were safer.
But now that I’ve started accepting my own vulnerability, I understand that it’s actually the opposite—being vulnerable is actually the strongest thing you can do in your relationship.
When you’re vulnerable with your partner, you’re letting them see who you really are and opening yourself up to them.
They get to see all of your flaws, quirks, and imperfections, as well as what makes you special—and they’re still there with you.
They love you anyway, and that’s just incredible to me.
5. I stopped comparing my husband to other husbands
This is a big one, people.
We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s so easy to do it in our marriages.
Especially when we’re feeling down or lonely or when our spouse isn’t acting like the perfect spouse.
I used to compare my husband to other husbands.
He’s helpful, smart, and humble.
But sometimes, I would find myself comparing him to other husbands and feeling like he wasn’t as good as they were.
And then I realized that if I was going to be happy with him, I had to stop comparing him to other people.
Even though we all have our own unique set of skills and strengths, there will always be someone who is better than us at something—and there are plenty of things that we’re better at than them.
As wives, it’s really tempting to compare our husband’s behavior with someone else’s and decide that his behavior is lacking—or even worse, that he doesn’t care as much as someone else’s husband might care.
But here’s the thing: your husband loves you in a way that nobody else can love you.
And if you stop comparing him to others and focus on what he does for you instead of what he doesn’t do for you or how he compares to another person, then you’ll find yourself happier and more content in your marriage than ever before.
6. I stopped comparing my marriage to others
You know what I’m talking about.
You see your friend’s marriage or couple on social media and think, “Wow! They’re so happy! Their relationship is amazing.”
Then you compare your own relationship to theirs, and it just doesn’t measure up.
No matter how much you try to be happy in your own marriage, you can’t help but feel like something is missing.
I’ve learned that there are always going to be couples out there who seem happier than you are.
It’ll never change.
And if you keep trying to measure yourself against them, it will never get better.
I realize comparing your marriage to other people’s is not only pointless (because you can’t possibly compare your life to theirs), but it also leads you down a rabbit hole of “what ifs.”
What if they have a better house?
What if they have cooler jobs?
What if they have more money than us?
And suddenly, you’re spending all day thinking about what you don’t have instead of appreciating what you do have.
You have to stop comparing your marriage to others—and instead focus on what makes your relationship unique and special, even if it doesn’t seem as exciting as someone else’s might be.
7. I’m learning to stop interrupting my husband
I used to interrupt my husband all the time, and I still do, I must confess, but I am still learning.
I would butt in before he could finish a thought and make him feel like what he said didn’t matter.
Then I realized that it wasn’t just hurting his feelings—it was hurting our marriage too. I
t made me seem like I didn’t care about what he was saying, which made him feel unimportant and unvalued in our relationship.
And that’s not what I want for us.
So I’ve started learning to stop interrupting him, and it’s made such a difference in our relationship.
He feels listened to, respected, and loved—and those are the things that matter most when it comes down to it.
8. I stopped being unforgiving
This was a big one for me because I’m a bit of a perfectionist.
If you mess up, I’m going to let you know about it.
But the thing is, when we’re married, and we’re building our lives together, there are going to be mistakes made and things that go wrong.
It’s not always going to be pretty and perfect—which is why we need each other.
I mean, If you can’t accept your partner’s flaws, why would they want to stick around?
I’ve learned that it’s okay for us to make mistakes—to disappoint each other sometimes or even hurt each other by accident.
That doesn’t mean that we’re not worth sticking around for—it just means that we’re human.
We all make mistakes because that’s how we learn and grow as people.
I hope this helps.
What about you?
Anything you learned to stop doing in your marriage to be a happier spouse?