”My wife hurts me emotionally.”
Marriage is not a perfect union.
Arguments and differences are bound to arise, so it is not unusual to hear a married man say, “my wife hurt me emotionally.”
As long as it is not physical, emotional, or any other form of abuse, it is normal to hurt each other in marriage.
But in a healthy marriage, differences are managed well and not allowed to linger or happen often.
Both parties in a marriage deserve to be happy and feel loved, and their partner has a huge role to play in that.
If one party in a marriage constantly feels hurt or downcast, something is very wrong.
It’s somewhat worse if the man is the one getting hurt because unlike many women would easily do, he may not want to communicate his grievances loudly, especially if it happens consistently.
If your wife hurts you emotionally, it can create unpleasant feelings in you against her.
This post will address why she hurts you and what you can do about it.
My Wife Hurts Me Emotionally: Why Does Your Wife Hurt You?
1) It Is Unintentional
The reasons your wife hurt you can be broadly divided into two categories: intentional and unintentional.
When people often hurt each other, especially in a love relationship, it can be unintentional due to passive words or actions.
What hurts one person may not necessarily hurt the other, so they may not see it as an issue when they do it to their partner.
Some unintentional ways and reasons your wife may hurt you include:
- Ignoring you: This can actually be intentional or unintentional. But it is often unintentional, and it happens because your wife is busy or engrossed in other activities within or outside the home.
- Being forgetful: Another unintentional way your wife may hurt you is by forgetting important or significant information you tell her or expect her to remember. This can also be due to her busy schedule or poor memory.
- Insensitivity: Depending on their personalities, a spouse can act insensitively to their partner and think nothing of it. This could be through words or even actions.
- Silent treatment: It is quite common for wives to resort to silent treatment when they are unpleased or uncomfortable with certain actions of their husbands. This may hurt the husband, but that was not the intention.
- Hurtful teasing: In an attempt to joke with her husband, a wife may say certain things that do not sit well with him and end up being interpreted as her being thoughtless. Howbeit that is not the intention.
- Carelessness: Carelessness may seem insignificant until it begins to affect crucial and important things. Your wife may be careless in many areas, so you would have preferred that she be more careful.
- Lack of interest: Sometimes, couples are not interested in the same things. However, showing interest and care for your partner and their interest is important even when you don’t feel like it. Failure to do this can leave a husband hurt.
- Controlling behaviors: It is very easy for a wife to become controlling without even knowing it. Some women always want to be on top of situations, which may lead to them hurting their husbands.
- Selfishness: Acts of selfishness in different areas lead to hurt, even when not intentional.
- Unkindness: Sometimes, people have to be reminded to be kind. Unkindness hurts even when it isn’t intentional.
2) It Is Intentional
As much as I’d love to tell you that every time your wife hurts you, it is unintentional, but I’d be lying.
While some hurts are unintentional, sometimes, they are intentional, and your wife knows exactly what she is doing.
You may be wondering why she intentionally hurts you.
It can be because she does not love you anymore or because you hurt her first.
The more common reason wives hurt their husbands is that they feel hurt and need to regain their pound of flesh.
Here are some of the ways your wife is intentionally hurting you:
- Sabotaging your marriage: Your wife consistently putting your marriage in a position where it can be wrecked is not an accident. It is intentional, and the aim is to hurt you.
- Having an affair: Sleeping with someone else is not an accident; therefore, it can’t be unintentional.
- Prioritizing social media and work over her marriage.
- Lying about finances or any other important thing.
- Not willing to be helpful around the house or with the kids.
- Being mean to in-laws and friends.
- Being irresponsible
- Not keeping her promises
My Wife Hurts Me Emotionally: What To Do About It
Whether in the case of intentional or unintentional hurt, one thing is crucial in resolving it, and that is communication.
When you feel hurt by your partner due to something she did or said, do not hesitate to communicate and let her know what she did and how it made you feel.
In the case of unintentional hurt, your spouse will likely be surprised and, hopefully, apologize and make things right.
But in the case of intentional hurt, the apology may not come immediately.
However, it will open up the floor for conversation and hopefully make you see why she hurts you and make you both resolve it.
Either way, communication is important to prevent a build-up of anger or resentment or walking on eggshells around your spouse.
2. Listen To Her Perspective
While communicating, understand your wife’s perspective and what may be causing her behavior.
Maybe your wife is going through a difficult time at work, struggling with her emotional issues, or there is an underlying issue in your relationship that you both need to work through.
By listening to your wife’s perspective, you can gain insight into her thoughts and feelings and work together to find a resolution.
It also shows that you care about and value her feelings, and it’s not just about how much she hurts you emotionally.
This will help her to open up more to you because you create a safe space for her.
3. Set Boundaries
Communication is key, but what if your wife keeps hurting you still?
Then it’s time to set boundaries!
Let your wife know you will not tolerate behaviors that hurt you emotionally, such as name-calling, yelling, or belittling.
Be clear about what behavior you will and will not accept and the consequences if she crosses those boundaries.
Examples of boundaries:
“When you yell at me, it hurts me and is unacceptable. I need you to speak to me calmly and respectfully. If you continue to yell, I will leave the room until we calm down.”
“I need some time to process my emotions and care for myself. I will go for a walk and return in an hour.”
“Your behavior is emotionally abusive, and I cannot continue to tolerate it. I will be staying with my brother/in a hotel/a friend etc., for a few days while we work through these issues.”
“I don’t feel comfortable discussing this topic with you right now. Let’s change the subject.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me in that way. Please respect my personal boundaries.”
“If you continue to speak to me disrespectfully, I will end the conversation, and we can continue later when you are able to speak to me calmly.”
Believe me, when your wife sees you are serious about setting boundaries, she’ll consider changing her behavior towards you.
Setting boundaries is about protecting your emotional and physical well-being and maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship with your wife.
So be clear, consistent, and assertive in setting and enforcing your boundaries.
If setting boundaries doesn’t work, your marriage might require professional help.
No one should suffer indefinitely in a marriage or remain hurt continually.
It may take some time and effort for both parties to heal, or it may eventually end in a divorce if that is what it takes to be happy and healthy.
But ensure you do all you can to save your marriage instead of giving up on it.