”Help! My husband has destroyed me emotionally!”
If this sounds like you, and you need some encouragement, comfort, and tips on how to cope when you feel emotionally destroyed by your husband, you’ve come to the right place.
Emotional abuse is one of the most common forms of domestic violence and happens behind closed doors, often without anyone else knowing about it.
Emotionally abusive relationships can be difficult to recognize because the abuser often does not show up as violent or aggressive outside of the relationship or home.
It can occur when someone tries to control another person through threats and intimidation.
It may also involve name-calling, insults, constant criticism or blame, isolation from friends and family members, withholding money or other resources needed to maintain independence, or limiting access to transportation.
If you have constantly experienced any of these, your husband may have emotionally destroyed you.
You might be afraid and confused.
Because you’ve been trying to be a good wife, but he treats you like garbage, and you are not ready to walk out of the marriage.
This post is for you.
Read what to do if your husband has destroyed you emotionally.
”My Husband Has Destroyed Me Emotionally!” Tips To Cope
1. Don’t take his abuse personally; it’s not about who you are but what he needs from the situation to feel better about himself
There are many reasons why husbands abuse their wives, but one of the main reasons is to feel better about themselves.
If they can make you feel like you are worthless, perhaps they will feel better about themselves.
This is not a conscious process; it happens without them being aware of it.
The first step in dealing with an abusive husband is to recognize the problem for what it is and not take it personally.
This means that you need to understand that what he does has nothing to do with who you are as a person but rather has everything to do with what he needs from the situation to feel better about himself.
In other words, if your husband is controlling and manipulative, it is not because there’s something wrong with you as a person; rather, it’s because he wants control over everything and everyone around him.
Once you understand this about abusive men, then it becomes easier for you to accept their behavior for what it is — destructive and hurtful — instead of blaming yourself or thinking that somehow your actions caused them to act in such ways.
If you can separate yourself from the situation, it will be easier for you to deal with him objectively and rationally.
2. Don’t give in to self-pity
I know it’s tough not to give in to self-pity, but if you feel sorry for yourself, you’ll only make things worse.
You’ll make yourself a victim, and you are a conqueror.
You are a strong woman who has survived years of emotional abuse.
Don’t wallow in self-pity; otherwise, you will not have the strength and motivation to make the changes you need to feel better.
3. Do not allow him to steer the ship of your emotions anymore
If your husband has emotionally destroyed you, you need to stop the cycle by not letting him control your emotions with his words.
If he has made you feel like you are worthless, replace those thoughts with positive ones.
This will take some time, but it can be done.
You can stop letting him steer the ship of your emotions.
Believe you are in control of how you feel and how you react.
And you won’t take his negative words to heart.
4. Pursue your goals and your passions; just get a life
One of the best ways to get over being emotionally ruined by your husband is to get a life.
I emphasize this on my blog every time.
You can’t let your life revolve around him.
This means you have to pursue your goals and your passions.
If you have always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, sign up for lessons.
If you’ve always wanted to start your own business, do some research and make a plan.
Get more education if that’s your goal.
Just find a purpose for living and something else to pour your affection on.
Getting a life outside of your relationship with your husband will make you feel better about yourself and give you something to focus on other than his abuse.
5. Work on your physical, mental, and emotional health
This is probably one of the most important things you can do if your husband has emotionally destroyed you.
If you’re not in a good place mentally, physically, or emotionally, it will be very difficult to move on from your pain.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself by eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
Also, ensure you are doing things to improve your mental and emotional health, such as reading self-help books, listening to podcasts, venting to a friend, etc.
Working on your physical, mental, and emotional health will help you feel better about yourself and give you the strength you need to deal with an emotionally abusive husband.
6. Seek support from family and friends
It’s important to seek support from family and friends when you’re going through a difficult time.
Your loved ones can help you feel less alone, give you advice and encouragement, and help you see the situation in a new light.
So, if you’re feeling isolated and alone, reach out to your trusted friends and family.
Let them know what’s going on and how they can help you.
They may not be able to do much to help you with your situation directly, but they can provide emotional support.
7. Go for therapy
Counseling can be a great way to work through some of the difficult emotions associated with being emotionally destroyed by your husband.
A counselor can help you identify the root cause of your pain and help you learn how to live a healthier life, and give you the tools to rebuild yourself.
I’m not saying this will be easy; it’s going to take time, effort, and commitment on your part. But it’s worth it.
Here are some tips for finding a good counselor:
Ask friends or family members for recommendations.
If someone has had a positive experience with counseling, they may be able to give you some names of therapists who have helped them in similar situations.
Research counselors online and read reviews from other clients who have worked with them before making an appointment.
8. Start making small changes in your life
Making small changes in your life can be a great way to start feeling better about yourself and your situation.
Start by doing things that make you happy, such as taking a yoga class, going for walks in nature, or spending time with friends and family.
Also, start making changes in your thinking.
If you’re constantly telling yourself negative things, start changing your self-talk to something more positive.
Try positive affirmations, such as “I am strong,” “I am worthy,” or “I am capable.”
Making small changes in your life will help you start to feel better about yourself and give you the strength to make bigger changes.
9. Set boundaries with your husband
Setting boundaries with your husband is important if you’re still in a relationship with him.
This means making it clear what you will and will not tolerate from him.
For example, you may want to set a boundary that he is not allowed to speak to you in a demeaning or disrespectful way.
If he does cross your boundaries, make it clear that there will be consequences, such as him having to leave the house for a period of time.
Setting boundaries with your husband will help you regain control of your life and start rebuilding yourself.
10. Forgive him and let go of bitterness
This one is hard, but it’s important.
If you’re going to move on from your husband emotionally destroying you, you need to let go of the bitterness and anger you feel towards him.
This doesn’t mean that what he did was okay.
It just means that you’re choosing to let go of the negativity so that you can focus on rebuilding your life.
Remember, forgiveness is for you, not for him. It’s a way to release yourself from the past and start fresh.
11. Focus on your future
It’s important to focus on your future and not dwell on the past.
Yes, what happened to you was terrible, but it doesn’t have to define your future.
You can choose to rise above it and create the life you want for yourself.
Start by setting some goals for yourself, both short-term and long-term.
Then, make a plan of action for how you’re going to achieve those goals.
Finally, take action and don’t let anything or anyone stop you from reaching your goals.
Emotional abuse is an insidious and destructive form of abuse and can be more difficult to spot than physical or sexual abuse.
Emotional abuse may not leave marks on your body, but it can have lasting effects on your psyche.
Even if you’re not sure whether something qualifies as emotional abuse, remember that if someone is treating you poorly, it’s never okay.