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”My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy”: Here’s Why & What To Do

”My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy”: Here’s Why & What To Do

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There are those chilly nights when the atmosphere is perfect for romance.

The fire between your body begs to be quenched, but when you turn to your darling wife, you find her… sleeping.

You frown, wondering, “My wife never initiates intimacy! Why doesn’t she ever make the first move toward me? Doesn’t she find me attractive?”

She never seems to read the room and take steps toward you.

For once, you want her to wake you up from sleep in the middle of the night or sexually touch you during the day.

Perhaps your wife seldom initiates sex, and all thoughts run through your mind.

First of all, do not panic.

You have every right to know why your wife does not initiate sex.

But it is also important to know the proper time, place, and manner to ask her questions about it.

You can talk about it over a snack or during a time of relaxation in the living room (when she feels less exposed and not vulnerable).

Why do many women find it hard to initiate intimacy?

This subject is sensitive, and while it is reasonable to be curious about it, you should be wise when communicating with your wife about it.

Why do most women not make the first move?


”My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy”

1. She Is Unhappy

My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

It can be the case if she used to initiate intimacy before now and suddenly stopped.

Generally, women tend to be more reserved when it’s sex, but a happy woman is likely to be more sexually expressive.

If your wife suddenly stops initiating intimacy, she may be sad or bothered about something.

She may be upset about something you probably did or did not do.

She may generally be unhappy in your marriage.



2. She Is Shy

My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

Another reason why your wife may not initiate intimacy is shyness.

Women have different sexual mindsets, having had exposure to varying ideas about sex.

Many women grew up in conservative homes and are not expressive when it involves sex.

Being with such a woman and expecting her to become a seductress is unrealistic.

She may still be shy about things like that. 

She will need time, encouragement, and a change of mindset to get to a place where she is confident enough to initiate intimacy. 



3. She Is Insecure About Her Body

My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

Another reason your wife may not be initiating intimacy is her insecurities.

Women tend to be more conscious of their bodies than most men are.

When their bodies do not look or feel pleasing to them, they tend to stay away from anything that makes them open and vulnerable.

You, as the husband, may worsen this situation if you are judgmental and do not make her feel confident.

So, if you wife has lost or gained weight, had a baby, or experienced some form of body change or other, that may be her reason for not initiating sex.

It is easier for a woman who is insecure about her body to wait to be approached for intimacy than to make the move herself.


4. You Give Her The Impression That You’re Not In The Mood

My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

Just like men, women can have delicate egos regarding sexually assertive behavior.

Early in life, many girls are taught that if they’re the ones to initiate a date, they’re slutty skanks.

If a man isn’t the one to make the first move, they must be doing something wrong: they’re either not sexy or attractive enough, or they’ve made a mistake.

It gets worse if something about your action or response to her makes her believe that you are not interested in intimacy.

She doesn’t want to put herself out there and risk rejection, so she doesn’t try to start anything sexual.



5. You Always Do The Initiating


My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

Weird but true.

If you always initiate intimacy, you will never allow her to do so.

So, it may not be that your wife has any issues.

The issue may be that you have initiated intimacy too many times, enough times for both of you.

Try to give her avoid initiation for a while.

Who knows, she might seize those moments to initiate.



6. She Is Fed Up With Your Selfishness


Having one-sided sex where a partner seeks their pleasure alone can be frustrating.

Most women will not be thrilled with a man who seeks to satisfy himself alone every time.

Women want some form of foreplay, buildup, and desire.

Ideally, sex for her should be like a deeply satisfying conversation between two bodies, not a quick and fast contact that satisfies only you.

Having sex with a selfish partner erases intimacy.

Nobody likes to be on the receiving end of a monologue, and if this is what she has to face throughout her life, she won’t want to make the first move.



7. She Doesn’t Know How To Express Her Desires

My Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

Women know they must make the first sexual move just as much as any man (or at least, they should).

However, the challenge lies in figuring out how to achieve this.

She may have extended an invitation, but what if her man misses the cues?

The first step can feel like the most difficult.

It’s natural to feel anxious about re-initiating sexual contact and maintaining pursuit. 

As her husband, you need to be extra sensitive to your wife.

Get her to vocalize her need for sex, and respond with speed when she does.


So what can you do?

Here are a few suggestions:

What To Do If Your Wife Never Initiates Intimacy

1. Don’t assume that just because your wife never initiates intimacy, she doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore or isn’t attracted to you anymore.

This might not the case at all.


2. If you haven’t talked about this with your wife yet, then do so now!

Ask her why she doesn’t initiate intimacy and see if there’s anything she needs from you in order to feel more comfortable initiating intimacy on her own (i.e., affection or romance).

Encourage her to talk about what she needs from you, sexually and emotionally.

Don’t assume you know what the problem is or how to fix it.

Ask her specifically for her input on what you could do differently or what she would like more of from you.

Because in many cases like this, there are usually deeper issues going on inside the woman’s heart are causing her to avoid intimacy with her husband.

In other words, it isn’t as simple as just not wanting to have sex anymore; there are deeper issues at work here that need to be addressed before any true healing can take place in a marriage.

If there isn’t anything specific she needs from you right now, talk about how important it is for both of you to be able to initiate when either of you wants sexual intimacy with each other.


3. Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t give specific answers right away or if she doesn’t seem eager to discuss the topic with you right away.

Just continue asking questions until she feels comfortable opening up to you, even if it takes several conversations before all the pieces come together in her mind.

Sometimes, women need time and space before they feel ready to answer such personal questions.

Let her know that she doesn’t have to answer right away if she isn’t ready yet and that you’ll keep asking until she is ready (and then stop asking so much).

Just strike a balance.


As a man, you’re naturally under pressure to be the chief initiator of intimacy.

But you can encourage your wife to be more assertive, especially now that you know the possible problems and what to do about it.

Your wife must feel that you love and want all of her, not just her body.

She has to be emotionally connected to you.

Don’t always be concerned about just getting your rocks off.

Make her feel comfortable and vulnerable with you.

Intimacy is a product of respect, honesty, trust, and communication.

If you want a healthy sex life, you need these four things.

Learn how to talk to her and make her feel at ease.

If you do these things, you’ll see the change you desire.

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