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Physical intimacy is one of the pillars of a strong marriage.

Even though married couples can establish intimacy in different ways apart from being physically intimate, physical intimacy is still one of the most important ways to establish intimacy.

The fact that some couples no longer enjoy being physically intimate doesn’t change this fact.

Getting creative with making the first move is one of the ways to make physical intimacy fun in marriage.

However, most of us can relate to either being raised to be conservative and are shy to come out boldly to claim what is rightfully ours or we don’t want to look desperate.

For women, it is even more difficult because of societal values that shame a woman who is in tune with her body and takes the lead in this matter.

Besides that, many marriages are becoming monotonous, they get on the bed, get on with it and go to sleep.

It is understandable, to be honest when couples fall into a habit when it comes to physical intimacy because life gets in the way, especially when children get in the way and intimacy becomes a duty or chore to be done with.

It is not realistic to always expect creative and fun ways to approach physical intimacy but creativity should not also be totally done away with in your marriage. It is not healthy.

So, how can you switch things up and get your partner ready for you through your approach?

Below are creative and fun ways to make the first move on your spouse:

1. Have a Secret Code

Both of you can find a very hilarious way to communicate your needs that nobody understands beside you.

Imagine how fun it’d be if you are among friends and you mention your “code” word to your spouse; your friends are looking on cluelessly but both of you are laughing at your inside joke.

You not only tell your spouse what you want, but there also awaits you a great session together because the secrecy adds some spice to it.

For example, a couple’s secret code might be SUSHI.

You could say to your spouse, ”I feel like some sushi,” and others will have no idea what you mean exactly.

Reply could be, ”Oh, me too! Then we’ll grab some sushi on our way home.”

This can also be done via phone call, text messages or chats.

Another thing my husband and I do which I find so much fun is talking about physical intimacy in our dialect in public.

We both come from the southwestern part of Nigeria and we live in Europe.

We sometimes communicate in our dialect when we don’t want others to have an idea of what we are talking about including physical intimacy.

Of course, we don’t do this when we are discussing with others in a group because it’d be rude to communicate in a language others don’t understand. They’d feel left out.

But when it’s just us anywhere, we talk freely about physical intimacy and laugh our hearts out if necessary.

Not only is this fun, I realise it increases our intimacy physically and emotionally as well.

So yes, you and your spouse can agree on a code or different codes only the two of you can decipher.

Some other couples who do this reported that it adds some spice to their marriage.


2. Flirt with your partner

You have to channel your inner flirt or learn to.

You could communicate with your eyes, your words and even your body.

Now, the trick is not to tell your partner what you want outright but to provide hints.

For instance, if your partner says, “are you hungry?”, instead of saying “yes” to food, you can say, “definitely, but not for food” while giving them a wink or a “come to me” look.


3. Dress the way you feel

You could also entice your spouse by walking around the house in an irresistible outfit.

This applies to both men and women.

I love seeing my husband in a pair of boxers. I sometimes also wear clothes that leave little to the imagination and walk past him without even looking at him but I know what I’m doing. Lol.

Before I buy underwear gifts for my man, I imagine him in them, and if the picture looks good to me, I buy them!

This is another reason I love summer. The hot weather affords me the opportunity to see my spouse in (almost) all his glory.

Oh yeah.

Apart from wearing attractive outfits to entice your spouse, make it a habit to buy for them as well.

Buy for them what you’d like to see them in.


4. Touching 

Touching is another great way to announce your intentions to your spouse without coming out outright.

This is more effective if you know your partner’s soft spots that are not necessarily private parts but turn them on, nonetheless.

It could be under their feet, their ears, their neck, their upper arm; whatever it is, it is up to you to discover it.


5. Messages

You could do this if both of you don’t spend the day together if you are in a long-distance marriage or even when you are together at home.

You can create anticipation for a great time with your spouse by sending them messages on what you desire to do to and with them.

Building anticipation is a fun way to spice things up in between the sheets.


6. Give suggestive compliments

Compliments can go a long way in helping you to make the first move on your spouse.

Now, since what you want is some steamy business between the sheets, make sure your compliments subtly communicate that.

For instance, instead of saying, “you look beautiful,” you could instead say, “you look incredibly sexy, I feel like doing many unspeakable things to you” or “you look good enough to eat.”

Compliments like that will definitely make your partner not just to feel attractive but also show that your intentions are far from honorable.


7. Treat your spouse nicely

Do not underestimate what a nice deed can do to make your partner hot for you.

You could do this by getting them a gift, doing something they love with them, or relieve them of a certain chore that is stressing them out.

Many marriages deteriorate because the partners do not go out of their way to be nice to their spouse and as a result of this, there is no desire to get intimate with them.

Even though physical intimacy is a physical act, our willingness sometimes connects to how we are feeling. So you might consider being nice to them and see them find you irresistible.

One of the reasons a lot of couples don’t enjoy being physically intimate is stress, especially from the woman. Stress from doing household chores with little or no support from the husband.

There’s no way a stressed woman will get creative with making the first move when all she wants to do is just hit the bed and sleep after a long day.

What about emotional stress? This could be experienced by the wife or husband.

How do you talk to your spouse? Do you hurt them with your words or do your words edify them?

Do you appreciate them for all they are to you and do for you or do you nag them to exhaustion? 

You can’t get the best of your partner if you’re not kind to them.


8. Go for it

A quick one could just be as sweet as a drawn-out act.

Sometimes, just reach for them and have your way with them (with their consent, of course).

We cannot always time these things and if you are in the mood, sometimes, you should definitely not hold back; just go for it.

Also, you can simply ask.

Being bold about it is also super-fun and irresistible.

Sometimes I tell my husband, “Meet me in the bedroom” or I go upfront about it.

He’s my man, there’s nothing to be shy about.

There are really no specific rules to these things but one rule is to ensure you don’t make physical intimacy monotonous; it is meant to be enjoyed in marriage, don’t settle for less.


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Wednesday 27th of March 2024

Thank u for sharing! I feel that having sex is often not placed as high as it ought to be in marriage. It’s very important for both men and women and needs to be a priority.

Mabel's Blog

Wednesday 27th of March 2024

I agree!

shyam lal dabi

Tuesday 21st of July 2020

Very good tips Thanks.


Tuesday 21st of July 2020

Thank you for reading!