“My husband is mean to me and nice to everyone else.”
If you’re in these shoes, this article is for you.
If your partner, who should prioritize and love you above everyone else, is being mean and unpleasant to you, your frustration is justified.
A dozen things may be running through your mind on why your partner is treating you this way.
Most likely, your self-esteem may even be getting affected already.
Stay on this article, and we will help you make sense of the situation.
In times like this, it’s easy to begin to feel worthless and unworthy of love, especially since the person who means the most to you is treating you in unpleasant ways.
We are about to give you some possible reasons why this is happening.
However, let’s reiterate that you are the source of your happiness, and your partner’s behavior should not be your primary source of joy.
One or more of the 12 reasons below is why your husband is being mean to you while being kind to everyone else.
Why Is My Husband So Mean To Me And Nice To Everyone Else?
1) He Doesn’t Like You
Yes, you read that right.
It is easy to assume that because he loved you enough to marry you, he must like you too.
This is not true.
Sometimes, people don’t even love the people they marry.
There are many reasons people get married, and unfortunately, sometimes, love is not one of the reasons.
Furthermore, someone can claim to love you or think they love you but not really like you, the person.
It may be your personality, something you do, or your way of thinking.
This is an unfortunate state to be in, especially if the reason they don’t like you is not a valid one.
If they do not like you because of some of your toxic traits, then, this is valid.
Unfortunately, it can be a shallow reason, for instance, your sleep habit.
2) He’s Cheating On You
This is another possible reason for your husband’s meanness to you alone.
He may be mean to you because he is cheating and trying to turn the tables.
Instead of admitting his wrong and making things right, he may choose to put up a bold or aggressive front with you.
This may be aimed at distracting you so you do not suspect him, scaring you so you don’t confront him, or simply just turning the tables on you.
This is a sad reason but a possible answer to your question, why is my husband is mean to me?
3) He’s Hurting
Another possible reason your husband is mean to you and nice to everyone else is that he is hurt.
He may feel hurt by someone or something else, and he chooses to take it out on you.
Or it could even be you who hurt him.
He may be expressing this hurt by being mean to you instead of communicating his feeling.
Think back and think deeply: have you done something recently or a while ago that may have deeply hurt or offended him?
You could gently take it up with him and reconcile.
4) He’s Dealing With Trauma
If he was mean to everyone generally, you could say that is just how he is.
But the fact that his unpleasant behavior is strict to you shows that something else is wrong, and one likely issue is trauma.
Your husband may have trauma from past experiences like abuse.
He may have suffered while growing up or even as an adult from women who did unpleasant things to him.
The pain from the past may still be lingering and causing him to want to lash out at his wife and establish dominance over his wife.
Since a woman caused the trauma, he will take it out on you and not other people.
5) He Has Anger Issues
Getting angry is normal, but frequent and excessive fits of anger are a sign that a person has anger issues.
A man with anger issues will get angry at little and big issues and extend it unnecessarily.
So it may not be about you or what you did to him.
It may just be his anger issues and excessive reaction to things.
6) He Is A Narcissist
One of the signs of a male narcissist is he makes his woman feel small and insignificant.
They constantly demean their women for no reason and without any sense of pity, guilt, or remorse.
If your husband is mean to you and doesn’t care about your feelings but is nice and acts normal to others- you might be dealing with a narcissist.
7) He Has Low Self-esteem
Low self-esteem can be the reason for this unpleasant behavior of his.
He may be putting on a bold face to people outside, and acting pleasantly to them because he is trying to mask his low self-esteem.
And to build his fragile esteem, he lashes out at you and makes you feel terrible.
8) He Is Trying To Get Your Attention
As funny and petty as this reason is, it is a possibility.
Your husband being mean to you may be a tactic to get your attention.
He may just be seeking attention, and although this is an unhealthy way to communicate that, some men can choose to adopt it.
So, while you’re thinking about other deep and far reasons, think about this one too.
9) He Is Insecure
Some men are insecure and do not know how to handle themselves.
He may be insecure about some things in his life, or his wife’s success in one area or another.
Insecure men do not know how to handle their wife’s success, so when she begins to thrive in life, they resort to pulling her down by doing unpleasant things to her.
10) He Is Traditional
Sometimes, mindsets and culture fuel things like this.
Some traditions believe in suppressing wives and establishing dominance over them.
A husband can be nice to everyone, but when it comes to his wife, he has to be stern.
This is not a healthy husband-wife relationship as both parties should love and submit to each other.
It is a mindset that promotes subjugation and suppression.
Your husband may just be acting based on a toxic-traditional mindset.
11) He Doesn’t Respect You
Your husband may be mean to you because he does not respect you.
There are many different reasons for this, but the fact remains that he does not respect and value the wife he married.
This is sad, but you must not let it affect how you see yourself.
12) You Are Mean To Him
Have you ever thought about this?
It’s easy to see other people’s behavior but be blinded by yours.
Your husband may be nice to everyone and mean to you because you are also mean to him.
This is a reason you want to consider and watch your behavior towards your man.
Are you unnecessarily brash and abrasive to him?
Do you say and do mean things to him at home or even in public?
This may be the reason for his attitude towards you.
So what do you do?
1. Talk to your husband
Communication is key to marital success.
So, try to have a calm and honest conversation with your husband about how his behavior is affecting you.
He might not be aware of how he’s making you feel.
You know clueless men can be at times.
Express your feelings and concerns in a non-accusatory way and to try to listen to his perspective as well.
2. Set boundaries
It is not healthy for anyone to be consistently treated poorly or disrespectfully by their partner.
If your husband is mean to you but nice to others, it is set boundaries to protect yourself from further emotional harm.
Clearly define what behaviors are not acceptable and let your husband know that you expect him to respect these boundaries.
For example, you share boundaries such as,
”no yelling at me anywhere especially in the public”
”I won’t tolerate being called names”
Let your husband know what you can tolerate and what would happen if he crossed those boundaries.
You need to stand up for yourself.
3. Seek support
You may not feel like talking about your situation with anyone, but reaching out can help build up your confidence and get you the support you need to make changes in your life.
Seek out friends and family who will listen and offer advice if needed.
If this isn’t possible, reach out online by joining an online support group or anonymously posting your story on a website like spilleet.com.
It may help others who are going through similar situations as well as give you courage knowing that you aren’t alone in this struggle.
4. Make a plan
If you are concerned about your safety or well-being, it may be necessary to consider a trial separation.
This might include reaching out to domestic violence hotlines or shelters, or making arrangements with friends or family to stay with them.
Marriage is important but your life/staying alive and happy is more important.