”My husband repulses me sexually!”
What could make a wife get to the point of saying or thinking the above?
Can you recall when you were in the honeymoon stage of your marriage with your husband?
Your libido was high, and lovemaking with your husband was normal.
From car sex to shower sex, you got easily aroused for your man and had no problems getting down with him.
Because your marriage was still new, it was understandable.
You and your husband shared a strong sexual chemistry and attraction that no repulsion could stand.
But then, after years of marriage and with some children in the picture, things have changed in your bedroom.
Apart from kids, maybe you are unhappy with your life or irritated by some of your husband’s habits or behaviors towards you.
You just get repulsed whenever your husband sexually approaches you.
It shouldn’t be too surprising to you and is called sexual frustration.
Sexual frustration occurs when your sexual expectations are not met.
Your inherent response to sexual disappointments is sexual repulsion.
It’s not a case of not loving your husband; you love him, but you recoil at the thought of having anything sexual to do with him.
You may feel guilty for the way you feel about your husband sexually.
We’ll see some ways you can handle the situation if you’re in the league of women who say, “my husband repulses me sexually”.
Enjoy the read!
My Husband Repulses Me Sexually: What To Do
1. Ask yourself why you find your husband repulsive sexually
It’s hard to imagine a marriage where both partners aren’t fulfilled in the bedroom, but it happens.
As a married woman, I know how important physical intimacy is in marriage.
So if your husband disgusts you sexually, it’s a huge problem.
You may have tried everything to get things going again — new sexy lingerie, sexy music, and even sexting — but nothing seems to work.
When your husband repulses you sexually, it’s normal for you to feel angry and frustrated that he can’t turn you on anymore.
You may even blame yourself for his lack of interest in sex.
But before you start pointing fingers at each other or blaming yourselves, it’s important to ask yourself why your husband repulses you sexually so that you can address the root problem instead of just hiding from this issue by avoiding sex altogether.
Does your husband repulse you sexually because:
You’re angry or resentful toward him?
You’re stressed out and exhausted from taking care of the kids and maintaining the house?
He’s been acting like a jerk lately (and you’ve been treating him like one too)?
You have unresolved personal issues that are affecting your feelings about sex?
You don’t feel attracted to him anymore because he doesn’t take good care of his body, or you were never attracted to him?
Your hormones are off?
Find out what it is.
2. Effective communication
Communication isn’t just about talking; it also entails mutual understanding with your spouse.
While speaking with your spouse about the sexual repulsion you have developed for him, create room for understanding.
Never make it look like it’s his fault; playing the blame game will get you nowhere and solve nothing.
Open up to him and tell him the whole truth about what you’re going through.
That way, you both can find a way out of the situation quickly.
Whatever may have caused it, communicating effectively with your husband is the beginning of your journey to dealing with your repulsion toward him.
Let him know that you still love him and want to be intimate with him, but that there’s something wrong between the two of you, and that’s why it feels so weird.
3. Change your view of sex
Changing your sex view is a conscious but difficult step you must take towards sending sexual repulsion packing from your marriage.
Sex isn’t just about having orgasms or being able to perform sexually — it’s about having fun together and sharing intimacy with your partner.
Think back to when you first got together and try to recreate the excitement and love that drove you crazy for each other then.
4. Don’t let past experiences ruin your future
If there was a time when your husband made you feel uncomfortable during sex or hurt you physically or emotionally, chances are that experience still haunts you today.
But don’t let those bad memories dictate how you feel about having sex with him now.
If he apologized for what happened in the past, forgive him and move on from there.
There can’t be marriage without forgiveness.
5. Prioritize self-care
Health is wealth, and when we are healthy and happy, we are more attractive and confident people who can attract others easily.
Start by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and taking time for yourself to feel good about yourself.
Your health can deteriorate when you feel bad because your husband repulses you sexually.
Sex is very important in marriages, and you might be afraid that your marriage is about to end because of the absence of sex.
But you need to know that your health is as important as your search for solutions to your sexual repulsion.
Taking proper care of yourself should be your paramount concern, as anxiety or stress can take a toll on you and invariably affect your sexual performance.
Women who are not in a perfect state of mind usually have low libido.
It means you won’t be aroused most of the time, which may be part of why your husband repulses you sexually.
Take care of yourself, sis.
6. Fix the problems in your marriage
It could be that there are existing problems between you and your husband.
If that’s the case, your husband’s hands on your body will be the last thing you want when you are mad at him.
Try to talk to him about your problems with him to restore peace and normalcy in your marriage.
7. Adjust to being comfortable with physical contact
It’ll also help if you condition your mind to get comfortable with physical contact, like touching and hugs with your spouse.
Connection is very important in every relationship because it strengthens the bond of love and gives you a sense of belonging.
When you’re open-minded to physical contact with your husband, you’ll loosen up around him, and very soon, you’ll notice that you’re warming up to him sexually with the absence of the sexual repulsion you used to feel.
Apart from that, it’s good to know that being intimate doesn’t always have to be sexual.
Intimacy sometimes lies in the non-sexual things you engage in with your spouse.
It’s advisable to explore various choices if your husband repulses you sexually, and as such, you need to start small.
Discover if you like it when your husband touches you or hugs you.
Do you prefer him to hold your hands?
Also, let him know your preferences after exploring the options available.
Choose the ones you’re most comfortable with and act it out with your husband as if it’s your first time doing such.
It can help you discover your erogenous zones afresh and help improve sexual encounters with your husband.
8. Get counseling together
Counseling can help you understand what’s going on and get back on track with each other sexually.
Couples counseling usually involves both partners sitting down with a counselor who asks them questions about their relationship and how they communicate and resolve conflicts.
With the help of a therapist, you can learn how to improve your communication skills to have better conversations about sex without getting defensive or angry.
9. Avoid pornography
Pornography destroys intimacy in a marriage because it creates unrealistic expectations for men and women alike.
Pornography distorts the human body into unnatural shapes and sizes, making it hard for couples to have any sexual connection without feeling self-conscious or awkward around each other.
If you have been consuming sexual content and making comparisons between your husband and the actors, it’s time to stop.
And if your husband is the guilty one, read about what you can do here.
If you enjoyed this article (I’m hoping you did), don’t hesitate to share it with your loved ones.
It may help save a marriage in the nick of time.