If you have ever heard a cheater try to defend themselves and you are not grounded in knowledge, you may end up just thinking that cheating is a mistake.
I mean, everyone makes mistakes, right?
But cheating is never a mistake.
Stepping on a banana peel and falling down is a mistake.
Sending money to the wrong person is a mistake.
Ordering a shoe online and discovering it is too small is a mistake.
Adding too much salt while cooking dinner is a mistake.
Cheating doesn’t fall into any of these categories.
This is because cheating is usually preceded by a carefully constructed internal narrative.
Men have a way of rationalizing infidelity that makes them feel less guilty about cheating.
It is a way of convincing themselves that they are not actually the “bad guy” in the situation.
It’s not limited to only men.
Women do this too, but today we are focusing on the guys.
If you have ever wondered how cheaters can cheat on their spouses and still live with themselves for years without feeling any guilt, you will get your answer today.
The mind is quite powerful.
And sometimes, it can create a fictional narrative for you to believe, even when the reality is different.
So, how does the male mind twist cheating into something justifiable?
Let’s explore the common justifications men have for cheating.
8 Ways Men Justify Cheating In Their Heads
1. “My wife doesn’t satisfy me.”
This one has been around for ages.
There was even a time when cheating husbands were not held accountable for their actions because people felt that if their wives were satisfying them, they wouldn’t be looking outside.
I’m glad most of the world has evolved past that.
Just imagine blaming the victim for being victimized.
But some men still justify their cheating with this.
The logic is that “if my wife isn’t satisfying my emotional/sexual needs, then seeking it elsewhere isn’t actually cheating”.
It is an attempt to shift the blame to the partner instead of being accountable for their actions.
“If my wife could last longer, I wouldn’t be doing this.”
“If my wife doesn’t deny me sex all the time, I won’t be cheating.”
The excuses just go on and on.
And don’t get me wrong, some wives may deny their husbands sex and attention when it suits them, but it doesn’t make cheating the right thing to do.
Two wrongs can never make a right.
So, instead of seeking satisfaction outside your relationship and trying to justify it, you should try communicating.
If you feel like something is missing in your relationship, communicate.
And, communicating doesn’t mean abusing or shouting at your wife.
I mean, you should have a calm and open discussion with her about what is going on.
If she is ready to work on things, that’s great news.
However, if she’s not, cheating is still not the way to go.
If you feel that there is nothing more you can do to salvage that relationship, you can make a decision to exit it.
At the very least, you would be accused of being many things, but no one will accuse you of being a cheater.
2. “It’s just sex. I still love my wife.”
I have seen several men say this, and it’s quite surprising.
They think that claiming zero emotional attachment while cheating on their wives could save them from guilt.
Perhaps, it does, but it doesn’t lessen the hurt of discovery for the wife.
For me, it’s pretty simple.
If I catch my partner cheating, I don’t think I will be hanging around long enough to critically analyze and discover that no feelings were involved in the cheating.
The truth is that cheating is cheating, no matter how you try to spin it.
The fact that you have to hide the fact that you are cheating, even when feelings are not involved, reveals the actual truth.
Cheating is a terrible betrayal of trust, regardless of which form it takes, and your wife will most likely not see it as “just sex”.
3. “She’s probably cheating too.”
I didn’t know people held this sort of belief until I gained admission into the university.
There was this older guy who shared a room with us.
The dude was a habitual cheat and womanizer.
He would bring different girls every day to the room and have “carnal knowledge of them” in his corner of the room.
He had already barricaded his corner of the room with curtains.
So, think of it as a room within a room.
Of course, we could hear everything that went on.
In the evenings, he would call his fiancée and start telling her how much he loves and misses her.
One day, I challenged him on it, and he said, “She is probably cheating there too”.
I asked him what his proof was, but he didn’t have any.
He just had to think that she was cheating to make him feel good about himself.
Projection is a powerful thing.
What my university roommate did was project.
He was unfaithful, and so he assumed his fiancée was also unfaithful.
Some cheaters do the same thing.
They imagine that their wives are cheating without any evidence and use that imagination to justify their actions.
Sometimes, they may have actual suspicions, but the truth is that catching your partner cheating doesn’t justify cheating back.
Insecurity is not a free pass.
If you are suspicious, address your suspicion.
Don’t use it as an excuse to cheat.
It is a very flimsy excuse.
4. “I deserve this.”
Now, this is among the weirdest justifications for cheating I have ever seen.
One time, I was attending a training academy.
Some of my classmates were older guys.
In fact, I believe I was the youngest at the time.
One of the guys was a certified big boy.
He had cars and houses.
Plus, he was also married.
After a particularly stressful week, we were heading home when he invited me and some of the guys to a party at his place.
He said he had sent his wife and son on a two-week trip abroad to ensure the coast would be clear, as there would be girls at the party.
He mentioned that the only rule was “no violence”.
Well, I declined the invitation.
Some of the other guys went and “had the time of their lives”.
Now, his excuse for organizing the party was that he was going through a particularly stressful week.
Whether it’s stress, midlife crisis, or a sense of unappreciated effort, some men tell themselves they have “earned” a little side action as a reward for their struggles.
They convince themselves that cheating is just them having a little harmless fun to unwind.
Well, I would love to break it to you, cheating isn’t self-care.
If you want to take care of yourself and relax, there are many activities that you can be involved in.
You could just sleep and relax.
You could see movies or play video games.
You could take a stroll and enjoy the evening air.
Cheating is not a relaxation technique!!
5. “It’s not cheating if we are on a break.”
We have Ross Geller to thank for this catchphrase.
He famously used “We were on a break” to justify his actions during a rough patch with his ex-wife.
In his defense, these all happened in a show.
In any case, some men exploit vague relationship statuses to engage in inappropriate actions.
This is why I always advise women to never stay in a relationship that is not clearly defined and labeled.
I also don’t understand things like taking a break from a marriage.
Marriage is not like a job that you can take paid leave from.
Marriage is bigger than all that.
People really shouldn’t take breaks from marriage.
They may be working through many issues, but it is better that they stay together and work through them than take a break, expecting some kind of magic to resolve the issues.
Well, the truth is that if you have to use semantics to justify your actions, then you are probably wrong.
So, whether you are on a break or vacation from marriage, it still doesn’t justify cheating.
6. “I was drunk.”
Growing up, the usual thing people did when caught in a terrible act was to blame the devil.
It used to be really funny when someone said something was the devil’s work.
Excuse me, I see no devil, just you.
Anyway, people usually need a scapegoat for their terrible acts.
For cheating men, alcohol is usually the ultimate scapegoat.
It is also the perfect justification for them.
They tell themselves, “I wasn’t really in control, so it’s not my fault,” and they make themselves believe this.
Well, being drunk can affect your control and lower your inhibitions, but it doesn’t implant new desires.
If you cheated while you were drunk, the desire was already there.
Being drunk just reduces your ability to control yourself.
Don’t use drunkenness as an excuse to cheat, and most importantly, don’t drink excessively for your own health.
7. “Men are polygamous in nature.”
The first day I heard this from a guy, I laughed and told him that wasn’t true.
No one is created with polygamous tendencies.
You can be satisfied with one woman, but the problem is you just don’t know how to stop looking at other women.
I know a guy who could be dating a slim girl and cheating on her with a thick girl.
When I asked him why he was doing it, he said he couldn’t control himself.
So, here’s the real deal: you are not polygamous in nature.
You just don’t have self-control.
If monogamy were impossible for men, then every man would be cheating.
However, since there are still faithful men, it is a “you” problem.
Stop generalizing it and justifying terrible behaviors.
8. “It will never happen again.”
I know this feeling.
It’s the feeling best friends get after “mistakenly” having sex with each other, even though they are in different relationships.
It’s the feeling a cheating man gets after cheating on his wife.
It’s also the justification that several men use to justify cheating on their wives.
He promises himself that it will never happen again.
“If I do it just once and never do it again, then it is like I never did it.”
He just wants to do it once to see what it feels like.
Nothing more.
The truth is that cheating just once or cheating many times doesn’t really matter.
It’s the betrayal that matters.
Cheating isn’t a mistake.
It is a series of choices, and when trust is broken, it may be hard to rebuild it.
The mind is adept at crafting excuses, but it doesn’t alter the fact that cheating is a deliberate choice.
It is not an inevitable occurrence.
If any of these thoughts sound familiar, it might be time for some brutal self-honesty before your actions lead to irreversible damage.
Be intentional about your thoughts, choices, and actions!