Recently, I overheard a group of ladies speaking about marriage.
I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but we were in such close confines that I couldn’t help but overhear their discussions.
They were talking about how they wish to find the right man because of the scarcity of Mr Rights nowadays.
They all desired a happy marriage, but I noticed one thing…
They were so fixated on the man they would marry and didn’t think about themselves.
When you complain about the scarce supply of Mr Rights, you should also wonder if you are a Miss Right.
I noticed something else about them.
They were preoccupied with celebrity marriages, talking about the things certain married celebrities post on their social media pages and using those things as a yardstick to measure a successful marriage.
The truth is that those glossy pictures and grand gestures don’t determine the success of a marriage.
It is very easy to focus on these grand gestures like extravagant dates, public displays of affection, and perfectly curated Instagram posts.
But the real magic of a happy relationship often happens behind closed doors, in the private moments that no one talks about.
Today, we will be talking about these things because they are the things that matter.
Glitzy and glamorous Instagram photos are all good, but if you don’t focus on these things, you may only have pictures as evidence of your marriage in the next few years.
Here are the intimate practices of happy couples that no one talks about.
What Happy Couples Do in Private That No One Talks About– 9 Private Things Happy Couples Do
1. They have deep and meaningful conversations
Growing up, I watched several romantic movies, and they usually involved love at first sight.
A guy sees a lady for the first time and freezes in awe of her beauty…
Boom! He is in love with her, usually without a single conversation.
They had me thinking that reality was like that.
Now, I know better.
In all my many years on earth, I have never fallen in love with someone by just seeing them.
Don’t get me wrong…
You can feel attracted to someone at first sight, but that feeling is not love.
Anyway, my point is that love is nurtured by deep and meaningful conversations.
And deep conversations don’t just mean discussions about philosophy and world politics.
These sorts of conversations are the kind of soul-baring discussions that leave you feeling like you know the other person intimately.
They are conversations about dreams, fears, goals, and insecurities.
Happy couples have these conversations in private.
They discuss all these because they want to know and understand their partners.
I have seen many people claim to know all there is to know about their partners.
Well, it is possible to know your partner intimately, but happy couples know there is always something more to learn, so they don’t stop being vulnerable with each other.
These kinds of deep conversations build a foundation of understanding, intimacy, and trust that are essential for any happy marriage.
They don’t just stop with making it the foundation.
They continue having deep and meaningful conversations throughout their lives together.
2. They share inside jokes
A sign of intimate friendship is usually inside jokes.
One time, I hung out with a friend and her friends.
Jeez, I felt like a fish out of water that day.
I could hardly keep up with the conversations; sometimes, I didn’t even understand what they were discussing.
I understood that I was among people who knew each other intimately.
That’s how it is when you spend time with happy couples.
They have funny moments, and you can’t even fathom why they are laughing.
Every happy couple has their own inside jokes, playful banter, and silly nicknames.
Just like in very intimate friendships, these private jokes can only be understood by them.
It may seem silly, but the truth is that many couples have allowed marital responsibilities to rob them of their ability to be spontaneous and silly with themselves.
The inside jokes are a mark of their connection and intimacy.
Their playful banters ensure that they maintain that intimacy and rapport.
It is a sign that they still know how to have fun and connect with each other.
Apart from it being a sign of connection, it is also the way they maintain the connection.
We connect better with people when we share humorous experiences with them.
Laughter is the glue that keeps many happy couples together.
They have learned to find joy and humor in the simplest things.
I spent some time with an elderly couple recently, and it was such a great time.
They were fun to be with because they had a great sense of humor and often giggled like kids over silly jokes.
Happy couples don’t take themselves too seriously in private and love to make each other laugh, even in tough times.
3. They share comfortable silence
I have a female friend who seems to be the closest of all to me.
People usually wonder how we managed to maintain such a good relationship over several years, but the truth is not so farfetched.
She understands my silence.
There are periods when I don’t feel like talking to anyone.
She knows these periods, and we can always be around each other without talking much.
It is usually awkward for others to be around me during those periods.
But with her, it is natural and comfortable.
Happy couples are bound by shared silences as much as by vulnerable discussions and shared jokes.
They don’t always feel the need to speak when they are around each other.
They find comfort in shared silences when just being with each other is enough.
Whether reading books in the same room or focusing on different tasks, happy couples know how to do this.
It could even involve something as simple as sitting together and watching the sunset silently.
These moments of silence are just as important as those filled with words.
In fact, in such marriages, you may notice that no one needs to communicate a need for space because they automatically give each other space even though they love to spend time together as well.
So, next time you are in a silent room with your partner, relax and enjoy the silence.
You don’t need to talk all the time.
4. They enjoy physical intimacy
Growing up, older people would always say things like “Sex is not food” and “You will get tired of it when you marry” to discourage the youths from premarital sex.
Well, while some have stopped having sex with their partners, several older couples seem to be still firing on all cylinders in the other room.
So, here’s the real deal.
Happy couples don’t really need sex to be happy.
They have spent so many years together and built their connection on far deeper things.
Even with this assertion, happy couples don’t play with physical intimacy.
They may not be into public displays, but happy couples privately love to express affection for each other with physical gestures.
Physical intimacy goes way beyond sexual intercourse.
It encompasses physical gestures like hugs, holding hands, kisses, and cuddles.
While they are at it, they also connect on a deep emotional level.
Their marriage is happy because they have created a safe space for emotional and physical intimacy, where they can express their feelings openly and honestly without any form of judgment.
5. They spend quality time together
Sometimes, I see young couples say they are spending quality time together, and they are mostly on their phones.
That’s not spending quality time with your partner.
A guy once complained on social media about the lady he went on a date with.
He said she was on her phone throughout the date, and many ladies made excuses for her behavior by citing how boring some guys can be.
I am not here to judge the matter, but I believe you shouldn’t spend the entire date on your phone.
It’s giving the “I only came for the food” vibe.
Also, it is not the man’s job to make a date enjoyable.
It is the responsibility of both of you.
So, don’t go on a date with someone if you are not ready to make that effort.
Anyway, happy couples know this and thus ensure that quality time spent together is truly quality.
In a world dominated by screens, happy couples carve out time to be present with each other without distractions.
They put away their phones, turn off the TV, and focus on each other.
This is the true meaning of spending quality time together.
Not going on fancy dates and spending the whole time on your phone, making videos for your Instagram followers.
It doesn’t matter what you choose to spend the time doing as long as you are both focused on each other.
Whether playing a board game, cooking a meal together, or just talking, these moments are precious and important in ensuring the marriage remains happy.
6. They support each other
This shouldn’t even come as a surprise.
If your spouse doesn’t support you, who will?
In public and behind closed doors, happy couples are each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
They are ready to support each other’s dreams and goals.
Truly, this is one of the perks of relationships.
You don’t have to do life on your own.
You don’t have to struggle alone to achieve your goals in a happy relationship with someone who truly loves you.
It is just natural that they support you and when you achieve your goals, it is only natural that they celebrate your wins like their own.
They are not in competition with each other.
This is the key to a happy relationship.
Never compete with your partner.
When you compete with people, you are never truly happy when they succeed…
People will say things like “healthy rivalry,” but that shouldn’t be found in a relationship.
7. They display thoughtful gestures
One time, a guy took a friend on a trip to Dubai and proposed to her there, on a yacht.
Everyone who saw the video of the proposal said it was such a romantic thing to do.
And I agree.
It is romantic.
The problem we have is that we live in a world where grand and ostentatious gestures are usually more romantic than thoughtful little gestures.
Well, it’s the little things that matter the most, and happy couples have proven this time and time again.
They show their love through thoughtful gestures that may seem insignificant to others but mean the world to their partners.
It could be something as simple as making their favorite breakfast, leaving a sweet note on the mirror, or getting them a little postcard that reminds them of their childhood.
It could be getting them books by their favorite authors or giving them a gentle back rub after a long day at work.
It’s not the actual action that is truly important.
It is the thoughtfulness that matters the most.
8. They perform acts of service
Acts of service are a love language that happy couples have mastered.
They have learned that there is no greater joy than doing things for someone you love.
They show love by doing things for each other.
They run errands, help with chores, or take care of responsibilities around the house without being asked.
One time, a lady was raising a lot of furor about men cooking.
She said it wasn’t the job of a woman to cook, and men should also cook.
My simple response to her was that by the time you are with someone you love, you realize that you don’t need to create rosters to share responsibilities in the house.
Happy couples are ready to help each other at all times.
This is what makes their relationship truly happy.
9. They create rituals
I know how I have always said that marriage should never become routine.
There should always be a little bit of spontaneity infused in your life to make it just a little exciting.
However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t create family rituals.
In the period since I graduated from school till now, I have lost contact with many friends because we didn’t have something concrete to do together.
A friend of mine and her inner circle instituted a ritual of hanging out at least once a year since leaving school.
This has helped them stay in touch with each other.
Rituals are even more important in marriage.
Happy couples often create their own little rituals that become a cherished part of their relationship.
It could be a Sunday morning pancake tradition, a nightly cuddle routine, movie night tohor a special handshake.
These rituals have a unique way of providing a sense of stability for the couples.
Ultimately, it’s the private moments that determine whether a relationship is happy or not.
Happy couples cherish these moments because they know that the true essence of love lies in small, everyday acts of kindness, understanding, and connection.
Next time you see a happy couple, remember that their joy likely stems from the unseen, unspoken moments they share in private.
And if you want a happy marriage, then you need to pay attention to these little secrets of happy couples that people don’t really talk about.