You have never had a relationship with a guy who didn’t end up hurting you, and you are bothered about it.
You wonder why the guys hurt you even when they claim to love you.
Is it possible for a guy to love you yet purposely hurt you?
Word on the street is that it is possible.
I don’t believe hurting someone you love consistently or intentionally is possible.
That’s my opinion, anyway.
However, just like every other victim of intentional cruelty, you may have wondered why guys seem to purposely hurt you.
It is a confusing state of mind because you usually can’t decide whom to blame – yourself or the guy.
Come along with me as I attempt to shed some light on why guys purposely hurt you.
“Why Do Guys Purposely Hurt You?” – 6 Reasons
1. They want to control you
Relationships shouldn’t be about a partner being in control.
It should be a union between partners and not a battle for control.
The moment it becomes a tug of war for control over the relationship, it becomes very difficult to maintain peace.
This is a sad thing to consider, but the reason guys hurt you purposely may be because they want to have control over you.
Some guys are manipulative and will resort to purposely hurting you to make you doubt yourself and become more pliable to their whims.
Being hurt purposely by someone you love messes with your mental health in more ways than you can consider and can make you feel inferior.
If he seems to hurt you so casually without any reason or in a bid to degrade you, it is a sign that you are in a relationship with a control freak who will resort to toxic methods to gain more control over your life.
So, if he constantly hurts you by making you feel like you are not good enough for him, you are in a toxic relationship and you may need to consider exiting it if things don’t get better.
2. He has a self-sabotaging streak
It may surprise you, but self-sabotage is a thing.
You are wondering how someone can have a good thing and just decide to spoil it, right?
The truth is, many people have this self-sabotage streak going on for them.
When guys purposely hurt you, it may be an attempt to sabotage the relationship.
They may be hurting you because they feel a need to hurt themselves, and that’s the best way to do it in their minds.
Why would guys do this?
Well, it’s because sometimes people tend to feel inadequate.
They ruin anything good for them when they believe they are unworthy of love and happiness and are unlovable.
3. He is stressed
When a person is under a lot of stress, they may purposely hurt someone they love.
This is not because they actually mean to hurt them.
It may be a reaction caused by the stress and pressure they are under.
I remember the first time I was so busy that I didn’t sleep for more than two days straight.
The sleeplessness took its toll, and on the third day, I was ready to tear into anybody for the slightest offense.
I hurt a female friend of mine during that period, and while I knew that I was hurting her.
I was under so much pressure that I couldn’t stop myself.
After a long, refreshing sleep, I woke up feeling guilty.
Apologizing to her was easy because she understood that I was stressed at the time.
In the last six years since then, I haven’t had another occasion that I purposely hurt her.
It is important to note that a guy can’t always be perfect, regardless of how much he loves you, and there are times that he will be going through so much that he may hurt you.
The point is that if it is caused by stress, then such occurrences are far between, and it is obvious to you that he didn’t try to hurt you because he wanted to gain some perceived advantage.
4. He may be suffering from insecurity
One of the major building blocks of a relationship is trust.
When trust is absent from a relationship, it suffers.
Similarly, if a guy is in a relationship with a lady he doesn’t trust, he gets insecure, and I must point this out: no one is nastier than a man who feels insecure in his relationship.
He would go to ridiculous extents just to assault the lady’s sense of self-worth.
You may ask yourself what his goal is in doing this.
Maybe he wants to make her experience the same thing he is feeling.
It’s hard being in a relationship with an insecure man.
He second-guesses every one of your actions and makes you do the same.
5. He has a short temper
If a guy has a short fuse and gets angry quickly, he may have an anger management problem.
Some guys are aggressive and find it hard to control what they say or do.
This kind of guy may hurt you purposely because they are angry at something you did.
If he is frequently irritable with you, his short temper may be why he purposely seems to hurt you.
This sort of situation may not end with verbal abuse.
It may result in physical abuse.
While everyone has occasions when they lose their tempers, if a guy constantly loses his temper and hurts you purposely, then you are in a toxic relationship.
6. He has poor conflict-resolution ability
Relationships are not just about good vibes and marvelous times.
Every relationship has its conflicts, and one of the major factors that contribute to the success of a relationship is the ability of both partners to resolve conflicts effectively.
If a guy has never learned to resolve conflicts effectively, he may hurt you purposely sometimes.
Love without top-notch conflict resolution skills will only cause you a bundle of pain and nothing more.
A guy who claims to love you is never justified in hurting you purposely.
“Why Do Guys Purposely Hurt You?” – 3 Things To Do
It’s not just enough to know why guys hurt you purposely; it is also important to know what to do in such situations.
Here are some actions you can take if guys hurt you purposely;
1. Make him know how much he hurt you
Sometimes, the mistake we make is absorbing all the hurt and pain our loved ones dish out without letting them know how hurt we are.
When you confront them about how they hurt you, you should be prepared also to let them know that you won’t tolerate such actions in the future.
2. Set boundaries
There must be boundaries in every relationship.
This is one of the major things that separate successful relationships from unsuccessful ones.
If guys seem to constantly hurt you purposely, it may be a sign that you need to set boundaries.
It is not just enough to set boundaries; you must ensure your boundaries are respected.
This is key to being treated with the exact level of dignity that you deserve in your relationships.
3. Consider exiting the relationship
You must never forget that you deserve to be treated with love and care in your relationship.
When you are not getting what you deserve, you may need to call your partner’s attention to it.
If this doesn’t seem to lead to the desired results, you may need to consider exiting the relationship.
Any relationship that takes away your peace of mind isn’t worth the stress.
To sum it all up nicely, I leave you with the words of Mia Asher and Arsen.
“Love is never supposed to hurt. Love is supposed to heal, to be your haven from misery, to make living worthwhile.”
Mia Asher, Arsen: A Broken Love Story
A miserable love is no love at all!