Is love ever enough?
Some say love is enough, some others argue that love is not enough.
I’d say it depends on individual’s definition of love.
For the purpose of this post, let’s agree that love is that deep feeling of affection and attraction you have towards someone.
A lot of people assume that this should be enough. After all, if you care about someone, it’s natural that you treat them right and make them happy.
But this isn’t as simple as it sounds.
Many relationships and marriages crash. It happens everywhere, all around us.
This isn’t always as a result of lack of love.
It’s not strange to find a divorced couple say that they love each other. Some single people still have feelings for their exes.
So, is love really enough? The feelings, emotions, deep affection and attraction… Is it ever enough?
If love is not enough, then there are other factors that make love work.
I believe these 5 things below need to be present for love to last:
5 Things that Make Love Work
First, you have to learn to accept your partner for who they are, their personality, flaws, and uniqueness.
Love can never work if you constantly want to change or fix your partner.
Your partner can never be you. So, don’t always expect them to do things your own way or the way you expect.
Imagine if someone sees you as a project that needs fixing.
As long as their flaws aren’t life threatening, you need to learn to accept them and correct them in love.
Because nobody can fix another.
They can be influenced to change through your attitude towards them
No relationship or marriage can survive without tolerance because you can’t love everything about your partner or be pleased with everything they do.
You can only try your best to ignore your differences and focus on their good sides because whatever you focus on has the capacity to magnify.
I was on the phone with my married cousin some months ago, and he talked about tolerance being one of the ingredients that make marriage work.
I couldn’t agree more with him because it’s just true.
Love cannot survive without tolerance. I mean tolerating each other. Tolerance shouldn’t be one-sided.
Don’t get this tolerance thing all wrong. I don’t mean you should take in every shitty treatment doled out to you or endure every destructive behaviour.
As a matter of fact, you need to be clear what you can and cannot tolerate.
This is easier when you know what your deal breakers are. If you don’t, then you won’t know where to draw the line.
Deal breakers differ from person to person. You need to figure out what yours are.
Just make sure you don’t marry someone you cannot tolerate.
Love cannot work without thoughtfulness.
Thoughtfulness is putting your partner’s feelings into consideration, being empathetic towards them, and treating them how you want to be treated.
It involves asking yourself some questions and giving honest responses.
“How would she feel if I yell at her?”
“Would I love to be cheated on?”
“How do I want to be treated?”
Answers to these questions will guide you on how to behave towards your partner.
When the honeymoon phase of a relationship/marriage is over, and you’re welcomed by your partner’s imperfections, friendship is what will carry you through.
Although I encourage married people to work on spicing up their marriage to keep romance alive. I’m even writing a mini ebook on this topic already. It should be ready for purchase before the end of the month.
Love requires friendship to survive. Your partner should be your friend.
What do friends do?
They enjoy each other’s company, they support each other, they laugh together, cry together, and do crazy things together.
Don’t ever stop being friends with your partner, even in marriage.
While it’s great that your partner accepts and tolerates you, you should also be flexible enough to change and adjust where necessary.
We all have our elastic limits and it’s unfair to expect someone to constantly put up with your flaws when you’re not even making an effort to correct them.
Unconditional love is awesome but you should make yourself lovable by being willing to adjust where necessary and allowing yourself to be positively influenced by your partner in order to better yourself and the relationship.
Don’t frustrate the love someone has for you.
Is love enough?
Love without acceptance, tolerance, thoughtfulness, friendship, and flexibility will not stand the test of time.