Sexual rejection in marriage is complicated because it’s not like dating, where you can walk away and find someone who wants you.
You’re legally bound to someone who’s supposed to desire you, and instead, you’re getting rejected in your own bed.
And it’s so annoying because we hardly talk about it since everyone assumes men always want sex, that wives are the ones turning husbands down, and that this problem doesn’t exist.
But it does.
And it’s devastating.
Here’s what it looks like when your husband has given up on you sexually:
10 Signs Your Husband Has Given Up on You Sexually
1. He Never Initiates Anymore
In most marriages, men are the ones who initiate intimacy more than their wives.
We’ve been raised to believe men always want it, that it’s somehow in their DNA to be ready 24/7.
So when your once-flirtatious husband suddenly becomes as cold as a church usher during fasting season, there’s a problem.
I can always tell when my husband wants me.
It’s not even about the obvious things like the touch; sometimes it’s just the look. 😉
And he also knows when I’m giving him the look. 😘
Men may not be great at emotional expression, but when they want you, trust me, you’ll know.
So when all that stops… when his eyes no longer linger and his touches disappear, and it seems you’ve become invisible for months now, that’s not normal married fatigue.
Funny thing is, he might still be polite, act nice, help out around the house, but he’s not touching you.
2. He Turns Down Your Advances
Like I said earlier, most men are the initiators.
So those few times a woman decides to take the lead, flirting, touching, teasing, or even sending that “you up?” text, men usually eat it up like hot noodles on a rainy night. 🍜
They don’t even wait for you to finish your sentence before they’re like, “Say less.”
Now imagine your husband turning you down with the classic and acceptable excuse, “I’m tired.”
Once?
Okay, maybe he really is tired.
Twice?
Fine, life happens.
But every single time you try?
That’s not exhaustion.
That’s rejection.
No man is that tired every day.
Sex isn’t just physical for men who love their wives; it’s communication and affection.
It’s the one place where words don’t even matter.
So when he’s consistently turning you down, he’s not just saying no to sex.
He’s saying no to you.
3. He Avoids Physical Affection Completely
Not just sex now, but all of it.
No random hugs, no kisses that aren’t obligatory pecks, no hand-holding, and no sitting close on the couch.
He’s physically distancing himself from you in every possible way.
Physical affection usually leads to sexual intimacy.
When a man is attracted to his wife and wants her, he’s touching her throughout the day….casually, affectionately, building that connection.
But when he’s given up sexually, he avoids all touch because he doesn’t want to “give you the wrong idea” or have it lead somewhere he doesn’t want to go.
So he doesn’t touch you at all.
And you’re left feeling like a roommate he’s careful not to accidentally brush against.
4. When It Does Happen, It’s Mechanical
The occasional times he’s intimate with you, it’s empty.
You’ll even feel worse than before it.
There’s no passion or eye contact.
Just going through the motions like he’s checking a box on a list of husband duties.
Get in, get it done, get out.
You can tell his mind is somewhere else.
His body’s there, but he’s not present.
He’s not engaged and not with you.
He’s showing you he’d rather not be doing this with you.
5. He Goes to Bed at Completely Different Times
I know sometimes couples have different bedtimes, but if that has never been you guys, then something is fishy.
If he’s suddenly staying up late every night or going to bed way earlier than you….
Doing anything to avoid being in bed with you at the same time because that’s when intimacy usually happens.
He’s making sure there’s no opportunity for it by managing his schedule to never coincide with yours.
That’s deliberate.
Because if he wanted you, he’d find ways to be alone with you, not ways to avoid it.
6. He’s More Interested in His Phone Than You
You’re right there, available and willing.
And he’s scrolling through his phone like you don’t exist.
In bed, on the couch, wherever, his phone is getting more attention than you are.
And yes, some of that might be normal modern life distraction because many of us touch our phones more than we touch our spouses these days…
But when it’s constant, when he’d rather look at a screen than at you- that’s no longer normal.
7. He Won’t Talk About It
We all know how difficult sexual communication can be.
But you summon the courage to talk to him about it, after all, communication is key to solving any issue in marriage.
But what does he do?
He shuts it down, gets defensive, changes the subject, acts like you’re overreacting or being demanding…
He won’t have an honest conversation about why the intimacy has died because that would require admitting he’s given up.
And he’s not ready to say that out loud.
So he deflects, makes excuses, blames you for noticing, anything to avoid the actual conversation.
8. He’s Stopped Complimenting Your Appearance
The man who used to tell you how beautiful you are now treats you like furniture, present but unremarkable.
You get dressed up.
New outfit, hair done, makeup on point.
And… nothing.
No reaction or compliment.
He barely even notices.
Complimenting your appearance would acknowledge that he’s attracted to you.
And he’s not trying to acknowledge that when he’s avoiding being intimate with you.
9. He Acts Relieved When You’re Not in the Mood
The rare times he does initiate, maybe out of obligation or guilt, you can tell he’s hoping you’ll say no.
And when you do?
He’s relieved, not disappointed.
Because he was only initiating to not seem like the problem.
He doesn’t actually want to follow through.
10. Everything Else in the Relationship Seems Fine
This is the confusing part.
He’s not mean.
He talks to you, helps around the house, co-parents fine, maybe even seems affectionate in non-sexual ways.
Everything’s fine… except the sex.
And that makes you question if you’re overreacting or if you’re being unreasonable for wanting intimacy with your own husband.
But sexual rejection, while everything else seems normal, is its own specific kind of pain because it means he’s chosen to disconnect from you in this one specific way.
Men give up on their wives sexually for different reasons:
He’s dealing with something physically.
Low testosterone, health issues, medication side effects, erectile dysfunction he’s too embarrassed to address.
He’s depressed or stressed, and it’s killed his sex drive completely, but he won’t talk about it.
He’s getting his needs met elsewhere.
Porn, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, or just fantasy that’s replaced reality.
He’s resentful about something in your marriage, and sex has become the place where that resentment shows up.
He’s no longer attracted to you.
He’s checked out of the marriage, emotionally already gone, just hasn’t made it official yet.
Whatever the reason, the result is the same: you’re in a sexless marriage with a husband who’s given up on you physically.
What You Should Do
- Stop making excuses for him.
He’s not just tired. He’s not just stressed.
Something deeper is going on.
- Have a direct, non-accusatory conversation with him about the reason for his behavior.
You need to know what he’s thinking.
- Suggest medical evaluation.
If he’s genuinely dealing with physical issues, he needs to see a doctor.
Not addressing it isn’t an option.
- Consider counseling.
Individual for him if he’s dealing with depression or other issues.
Couples counseling if this is about the marriage.
- Set a timeline.
You can’t live in a sexless marriage indefinitely. How long are you willing to wait for this to change?
- Stop initiating.
If he’s rejecting you constantly, stop putting yourself through that pain.
Let the absence of intimacy be obvious to both of you.
- Decide what you’re willing to accept.
Can you live like this long-term?
Because if he’s not willing to address it, this might be your marriage from now on.