Hmmm.
Sexless marriage.
This is a very touchy and sensitive topic, and it’s a painful one because a lot of people are stuck in a sexless marriage.
While there are other ingredients that make a marriage work, sex is a major factor in a healthy marriage, and the lack of it can cause serious problems.
If you are in a sexless marriage, you may feel like your relationship is slowly dying.
You may feel disconnected from your partner and even lonely, despite living with them and sharing the same space.
Now, you might be thinking, “I’m not in a sexless marriage… right?”
Well, stick around because, by the end of this post, you’ll be equipped with some telltale signs that might help you decide one way or another.
I wanted to write ”enjoy reading”, but there’s nothing enjoyable about a sexless marriage.
So, just come along.
14 Signs You Are in a Sexless Marriage
1. You/Your Partner is Always Chronically Tired To Get It On
It’s perfectly normal to have days where you’re too tired for sex.
Honestly, I think every married person, especially with young kids, is constantly tired.
Well, I am.
We all juggle a variety of roles and responsibilities, and there are bound to be times when exhaustion takes over desire.
But, if “I’m tired” has become the go-to response every time you are supposed to make love, it’s not normal.
Imagine that every evening, you and your partner settle in for the night.
You nudge closer, making the first move for some nice time.
But the response is always the same: a weary sigh, a dismissive shake of the head, and the usual “I’m too tired tonight; maybe some other time?”
Initially, you may not think much of it, believing your spouse is indeed just tired.
But if this pattern repeats itself night after night, it’s a cause for concern.
2. A Sudden Lack of PDA
I get it.
Not every couple is the type to make out in public or even around family and friends.
But if your partner used to hold your hand in public, sneak a quick kiss at a red light, or give you a warm, lingering hug for no reason, now acts oblivious to your presence, it could be a sign of trouble.
When two people are truly in love with each other, they will naturally express that in some sort of physical way.
If you notice your partner has become less and less affectionate, and it’s affecting your sex life, you might be heading towards a sexless marriage.
3. Remembering the Last Time is a Struggle
When was the last time you were intimate?
I understand that every couple has their unique rhythm, and the frequency of sexual activities can vary greatly based on factors like age, health, work schedule, stress levels, and so forth.
It’s not a competition, and there’s no “normal” number that applies to everyone.
And I know it’s not always about quantity, quality counts too,
However, if sex in your marriage has become so infrequent that you can hardly remember the last time or if that memory is a distant one, you might be in a sexless marriage.
4. All Talk, No Action
You know how they say communication is key?
It’s true.
You should be comfortable and confident talking to your spouse about sex, whether it’s discussing what you enjoy or tackling any topics that come up around intimacy.
This is called sexual communication, and it’s important.
But if you often find yourselves talking about having sex but never actually doing it, then something isn’t quite right.
It’s just like planning a romantic evening or a special date when you’ll be alone so that you can have a sexy time together.
You get excited and look forward to it.
But when the time comes, the plan changes or is forgotten, and no sex takes place.
This can happen once or twice; I mean, life happens.
No wahala.
But if it keeps happening, it’s a problem.
5. Emotional Distance
There’s more to physical intimacy than just sex.
Emotional connection and intimacy are equally important.
If you find yourself growing apart, or if either one of you is keeping your feelings bottled up, it can lead to problems in the bedroom.
You no longer share your day, your thoughts, and your dreams with each other.
Emotional intimacy often fuels physical intimacy, and vice versa.
6. An Overdependence on Solo Satisfaction
Sometimes, partners use masturbation as a way to relax and relieve stress, especially when they are apart from their spouses, but this is not the same as an intimate time with your partner.
If you’re in a sexless marriage, you might find yourself dependent on self-pleasuring to get off.
Since your partner is not meeting your needs, you resort to solo satisfaction.
So, if either of you begins to rely heavily on self-pleasure through masturbation or watching porn rather than seeking satisfaction together, you might be in a sexless marriage.
It takes two to tango, and a healthy sex life requires both partners’ participation.
7. Feeling Unattractive or Unloved
The next warning sign of a sexless marriage is feeling unattractive or unloved, both physically and emotionally.
Feeling like you’re no longer attractive to your partner because when partners are attracted to each other, sex is usually more frequent.
But when the spark is gone, you often don’t want to get intimate with your partner anymore.
So if you are feeling less attractive, unloved, and unwanted because sex has become rare in your marriage, you might be in a sexless marriage.
7. Technology Invades the Bedroom
There’s no denying the fact that technology is a fantastic tool, but it can also ruin our marriage if we are not careful.
Social media, video games, and even television can be a distraction that takes away from the intimacy you should be sharing with your partner.
If you and your partner are always on their phones, laptops, TV, or tablets in the bedroom instead of spending time together, this is a warning sign that your marriage may be becoming sexless.
8. Blame Game
Your partner blaming you or you blaming your partner for the lack of sex in your marriage is also not a good sign.
The blame game only creates resentment, pushing you further apart instead of working towards a solution together.
9. Romance Is Only in the Movies
I remember the days of reading romance novels and watching romantic comedies as a teenager, dreaming of what it would be like to experience the same type of romance I was seeing on the big screen.
I’m married now; welcome to reality!
Lol.
Well, I’m trying to create my own romantic reality, even though it’s not like the ones in romance novels and romantic comedies.
Anyways, what I’m trying to say is if you find yourself living vicariously through the love scenes in movies or romantic novels while your own romantic life is gathering dust, you something might be wrong with your sex life.
10. Sex is Only for Special Occasions
Sex on special occasions is good, but when it becomes reserved for birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays, it’s like putting your intimacy on a calendar schedule.
It shouldn’t only be an occasional gift but a regular expression of love and connection.
11. A Cold Shoulder in Bed
When you make a move to be intimate, does your partner consistently turn away from you in bed, creating a physical barrier?
With time, you might get tired of initiating out of fear of being turned down again, and that further leads to your sex life becoming stagnant.
12. Missing the Spark
That electric current that used to run through your body at a simple touch seems to have short-circuited.
The connection that made you feel so drawn to one another appears to have been cut off.
If you or your partner seem indifferent to touch, that lost spark could be a result of a lack of intimacy in the bedroom.
13. You Compare Your Spouse To Others
You may notice yourself occasionally comparing your partner to other couples you know and find yourself feeling envious of the connection they share.
You may even compare your partner to past lovers.
These moments show that your sex life needs some TLC.
14. Denial, Denial, Denial
If your partner denies that there’s a problem, or you are the one ignoring the lack of intimacy, this denial could be the loudest sign of all.
Because the major reason a marriage could go on being sexless is because you or your partner has refused to acknowledge that something is wrong with your sex life.
No marriage is perfect, and every relationship has its dry spells.
But if you recognize multiple signs from this list in your marriage, it’s time to take action.
Open communication with your partner about your concerns and feelings is the first step.
Professional help like a therapist or a counselor can provide guidance and strategies to rebuild intimacy.
Don’t let your fears or embarrassment keep you from seeking the joy and closeness you deserve in your marriage.
Acknowledging the problem is half the battle won.
So, get the conversation started with your spouse!