If you love your man, you sure want to keep him.
And that’s fine.
What you love, you naturally want to nurture and hold onto.
But sometimes, in the process of trying to keep a man, we start accepting and doing things we shouldn’t.
We start normalizing behaviors that are actually harmful in the name of doing what it takes to make it work.
And before you know it, you’re stuck in a cycle where the more you give, the more you lose yourself.
You want to keep the man you love but there are some things you shouldn’t do to make that happen, and here are some of them:
5 Things To Stop Doing To Keep a Man
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Ignoring Your Intuition When Something Feels Off
If there’s any advantage we women have over men, it’s our intuition.
I’m not saying men don’t have gut feelings too but ours seem to be stronger. lol
It’s like we are kind of wired to know when something isn’t right, even before it shows up in full color.
But what do we do?
We silence it.
We tell ourselves we’re overthinking.
We ask a friend, and when they say, “Maybe you’re reading too much into it,” we tuck that intuition away and gaslight ourselves into staying quiet.
Sis, your intuition is not the enemy.
It’s the one thing that taps you on the shoulder when your heart is busy catching feelings.
It’s the built-in alarm system God gave you for a reason.
When something feels off, it probably is.
You might not have proof.
You might not be able to explain it.
But that knot in your stomach?
That sudden unease?
That’s your spirit saying, “Open your eyes.”
And too many women have ended up in emotionally draining, confusing, or even dangerous relationships simply because they kept ignoring that whisper.
If you have to keep convincing yourself that you’re imagining things, that’s already your answer.
Your intuition is not there to ruin your relationship.
It’s there to protect you.
You don’t need screenshots.
You don’t need anyone to co-sign your suspicions.
Sometimes, your spirit knows before the facts catch up.
Stop silencing it because you are afraid of being single and lonely.
2. Toning Down Your Success So He Doesn’t Feel Insecure
If you have to dim your light to make him comfortable, he’s not your man.
You didn’t work hard, pray hard, cry hard, study hard, hustle in silence, and bloom in grace… just to start apologizing for your shine.
But too many women are out here dimming their light like it’s polite.
You avoid talking about your wins.
You downplay your achievements.
You act humble to the point of silence just so he doesn’t feel small standing next to you.
And the annoying thing?
He’s not even trying to grow.
He just wants you to stay beneath him so he can feel tall.
You get a promotion?
He goes quiet.
You hit a milestone?
He changes the subject.
You talk about your next big move?
He suddenly calls you “too ambitious.”
Sis, your success is not a threat unless he has an identity crisis.
A man who truly loves you will not compete with you; he’ll clap for you.
He’ll pray for more opportunities to come your way.
He’ll brag about you to anyone who will listen.
He’ll be proud to stand beside you, not intimidated by your achievements.
Toning down your greatness to keep a man is emotional self-sabotage.
If you’re too much for him, that’s a him problem, not a “you must shrink” solution.
You were not created to be small.
Not in your voice.
Not in your calling.
Not in your dreams.
So don’t tiptoe through life just to stroke someone’s fragile ego.
The right man will match your energy, not mute your power.
3. Feeling Proud of How Much Pain You’ve Tolerated and Calling It “Strong Woman” Behavior
I feel like this ”strong woman” thing is a term that has been overused and misused.
It has made us to mistake endurance for strength.
We brag about how much pain we’ve tolerated in relationships, like it’s a badge of honor.
“He cheated, lied, disrespected me, ghosted me, gaslit me, but I stayed.”
“I held it down.”
“I didn’t give up on him.”
“I loved him through his madness.”
Yen yen yen.
And somehow, we turn that into a story of strength.
But sis… that’s not strength.
That’s survival.
And survival should never be romanticized.
Yes, you’re strong.
But you don’t have to keep proving it by staying in places that keep breaking you.
Strength isn’t how many tears you cry in silence.
It’s not how much pain you carry while smiling.
It’s not being the one who suffers the most and still stays loyal.
True strength is knowing when to stop pouring into a cup that’s leaking.
It’s walking away from what’s wounding you, even when your heart still wants to stay.
It’s choosing yourself, your sanity, and your peace, even when society calls it selfish.
You were not put on this earth to be a martyr for someone else’s bad behavior.
You don’t need to earn love through suffering.
You don’t have to become the strong woman who holds everything together while falling apart inside.
You’re allowed to be soft.
You’re allowed to be loved well.
And you don’t need to break first just to be worthy of it.
4. Always Initiating the Conversations, Check-ins, and Reconciliation
It’ll never make sense to me why one person should always be the one making efforts to make a relationship work.
Like, how is it normal that you’re the one constantly calling, texting, checking in, planning the hangouts, starting the deep conversations, and reaching out after every fight?
You’re the lover.
The communicator.
The planner.
The peacemaker.
The “let’s talk about it” person.
Meanwhile, he’s just… existing.
Waiting for you to fix what he broke.
Waiting for you to break the silence.
Waiting for you to make the move…every single time.
If you’re the only one trying to keep the relationship alive, then it’s not a relationship; it’s a one-sided performance.
Love shouldn’t feel like a customer service job.
You shouldn’t have to chase someone into maturity.
Or beg for basic emotional availability.
Or be the only one who wants to talk things through like an adult.
A healthy relationship has rhythm.
Mutual effort.
Two people reaching for each other, not one person doing all the emotional lifting.
And you know the sad part?
The more you do, the less he does.
Because now it’s your job to keep the love alive.
Unfortunately, love doesn’t live where effort is one-sided.
5. Accepting Inconsistent Behavior Because “He’s Going Through a Lot”
Look, every adult is going through a lot.
We all going through a lot.
Life is lifing for all of us…..bills, pressure, family issues, work stress, personal growth, emotional baggage, it’s a lot.
But if he’s going through a lot and using that as an excuse to be inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, hot and cold, or flat-out disrespectful, then he shouldn’t be dating.
If he’s still figuring himself out, let him do it without dragging your heart into the mix.
You’re not his emotional crutch.
You’re not his recovery plan.
You’re not his test drive before he becomes a better man for someone else.
And yes, it’s okay to support someone going through a hard time if they’re still showing up, communicating, and being emotionally responsible.
But if he disappears for days, gives you attitude when you express your needs, or becomes unreliable and dismissive, then babe, he’s not going through a lot.
He’s just showing you that you are not a priority right now.
And don’t let your empathy become the reason you stay stuck.
You’re allowed to care and still say, “This doesn’t work for me.”
Because love isn’t built on excuses; it’s built on effort.
If he’s not stable enough to love you well, he should sit this one out.
Your heart is not a rehab center.
If you see yourself in any of these points, it’s okay.
You’re not weak.
You’re just waking up.
And I’m here, rooting for you!