Cheating hurts, no doubt.
But it hurts even more when the cheater, the very person who is supposed to be sorry, starts making excuses instead.
Instead of standing in their mess and taking full responsibility, they twist the knife deeper with words that make you question your own feelings.
They try to make you feel like you’re overreacting, too emotional, or even partly to blame for the choices they made.
And somehow, the pain of the betrayal becomes mixed with the pain of being made to feel like your hurt is too much.
But don’t fall for it.
Don’t fall for these excuses that cheating men make:
6 Excuses Unfaithful Men Always Use (And What They Really Mean)
1. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d react like this.”
When a man says this, what he’s really doing is shifting the blame from himself to you.
Instead of focusing on the fact that he broke your heart by lying and cheating, he’s pointing fingers at your feelings.
Really, bro?
As if your hurt, disappointment, and anger are the real problem here.
Not his betrayal.
Not his dishonesty.
You.
If this is not manipulative, I don’t know what is.
And if you’re not careful, you’ll start questioning yourself.
“Maybe if I didn’t get so emotional, he would’ve been honest.”
“Maybe it’s my fault he lied.”
”Maybe I should have been calmer.”
No, sis.
Don’t fall for it.
Don’t fall for the excuses.
Then he had the audacity to make you feel guilty for reacting to the mess he created.
It’s like a child breaking a plate, hiding the pieces, and then saying, “I didn’t tell you because you’d shout.”
Whether you shout or not, the plate is still broken.
The real issue isn’t your reaction.
The real issue is the fact that they broke it and tried to cover it up.
A man who truly respects you and is sorry will be honest with you, even when he’s scared of your reaction.
He won’t blame his betrayal on your reaction.
2. “You don’t give me enough attention.”
At first, this one might even make you pause and feel guilty.
You might start thinking about how busy you’ve been, or the days you were tired, or the times you didn’t feel like talking.
And that’s exactly what he’s counting on.
He’s trying to plant the idea that his bad decision is somehow your fault.
No matter how distant a relationship gets, no one forces anyone to cheat.
Cheating is a decision.
If he was feeling lonely, he could have talked to you.
He could have suggested therapy.
He could have tried to fix things.
But stepping out of the relationship?
That was a choice he made.
Blaming you for it is not only unfair, it is cruel!
It makes you carry shame that doesn’t even belong to you.
A good man brings problems to the table.
A selfish man hides them until he’s already made a mistake and then uses them as a shield.
3. “It just happened.”
Okay, like he tripped and fell into someone’s arms by accident?
Like he had no control.
Like the cheating was some kind of accident that nobody could have stopped.
Nothing just happens, sis.
Before anything physical happens, there’s always a buildup.
There are choices:
The choice to flirt back.
The choice to keep texting.
The choice to meet up alone.
The choice to cross small lines until bigger lines are crossed.
Every step along the way, there were chances to stop.
Chances to think about you.
Chances to think about your marriage.
Chances to walk away.
But he didn’t.
Your man didn’t.
Saying “It just happened” is a way to dodge responsibility and erase the long list of small decisions that led to the big betrayal.
It’s easier to pretend it was sudden and uncontrollable than to admit:
“I made a series of selfish choices, and I knew what I was doing.”
Cheating is never an accident.
It’s a series of selfish decisions made when they thought they wouldn’t get caught.
4. “I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.”
This is a very popular excuse, but a weak one.
In short, “Blame the alcohol, not me.”
He wants you to believe that because he was under the influence, he wasn’t in control of his actions, and so the cheating somehow wasn’t fully his fault.
Drunkenness doesn’t create new desires.
It just lowers the guard around the desires that are already there.
So if a man cheats while drunk, it didn’t just happen because of the alcohol.
The thoughts were already there.
The interest was already there.
The disrespect was already there.
The alcohol just made him bold enough to act on it.
Also, nobody trips and accidentally falls into cheating.
Come on now.
Even drunk, you still make decisions.
You know when you’re texting someone you shouldn’t.
You know when you’re crossing a boundary.
You still know when to say “no”, but you chose not to.
Oh, and here’s another thing: drinking is a choice too.
If a man knows that alcohol makes him reckless, and he still gets drunk often, that’s irresponsibility.
You cannot blame the drink for something your heart already wanted to do.
It’s like someone saying, “I crashed the car because I closed my eyes while driving.”
Well… who told you to close your eyes in the first place?
5. “At least I’m being honest now.”
Oh, so you should be applauded?
So, because you said, “Yes, I messed up… but hey, I’m coming clean,” that should count for something.
Yes, honesty is better than continued lies, I get it.
However, the problem is that many men don’t confess because they genuinely feel sorry.
They confess because they got caught… or they’re afraid they’re about to get caught.
And if he’s saying, “At least I’m being honest now,” that’s not an apology.
Yes, thank you for telling the truth, but the damage is already done.
Honesty doesn’t undo the betrayal.
It doesn’t wipe the memory from your mind.
And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to automatically forgive and forget.
Many times, this statement is used to rush the healing process.
To make you feel like you should be grateful that he owned up to it, even though he only did it because the guilt was eating him up, or someone was threatening to expose him.
It’s his way of trying to control the narrative and present himself as a good person.
You don’t get applause for being honest after you’ve caused harm, but you can show your sincerity by what you do next.
Do you rebuild trust?
Do you take full responsibility without blaming anyone else?
Do you give the other person time and space to heal without putting pressure on them?
So yes, honesty matters.
But when it’s served with “you should thank me for telling you,” it’s not honesty, it’s an excuse…
That will not be tolerated.
6. ”It didn’t mean anything.”
In other words, because it wasn’t “serious,” you shouldn’t feel so hurt.
It was meaningless, so it shouldn’t matter this much.
But how can something meaningless risk your marriage?
How can something meaningless break your trust, break your heart, and make you question your entire relationship?
Whether it lasted one night or six months, cheating is not meaningless.
Because you are not meaningless.
Your love is not meaningless.
Your sacrifices, your loyalty, your trust… none of it is meaningless.
So no matter how casually he says it, don’t let anyone convince you that your pain is too big for what they call “nothing.”
If it were truly nothing, he would have been able to walk away from it.
If it were truly nothing, he wouldn’t have risked losing the one person who stood by him.
Cheating is not just about the body.
It’s about the betrayal of the heart.
And there is no world where betrayal means nothing.
No matter what excuses a man comes up with, he made a choice to hurt you.
A choice to put his own selfish desires above the love you built together.
You didn’t cause it.
You didn’t deserve it.
And you don’t have to carry the guilt for it.
Healing after betrayal isn’t easy, but it starts with facing the truth.
No sugarcoating.
No minimizing.
No excuses!
Just raw honesty about what happened, what it cost you, and what you need moving forward.
If a man isn’t ready for all these, he’s not sorry.
He’s just an excuse-giver!