Love is sweet when it is mutual, not perfect.
In real relationships, there will be times when one person gives more, so love will not always look like 50/50 every blessed day.
Some days, it will be 70/30 or 60/40.
But if it is always you giving the 80, the 90, the full 100, while he is there, like an investor still observing the market, something is wrong.
7 Signs You Love Him More Than He Loves You
1. His opinion of you matters more than your opinion of yourself
A few hours ago, I decided I wanted to cut my hair.
I’ve been thinking about it for a while because I was just tired.
Of course, my husband would never stop me from doing whatever I want with my own hair, but I told him anyway.
His response, predictably, was, “It’s your choice.”
That’s exactly what I expected him to say.
Can he prefer one hairstyle over another? Absolutely.
Would I like him to tell me I look beautiful regardless? Also yes.
Am I still going to do whatever I want with my hair? One hundred percent.
Because as much as I love my husband, I cannot build my identity around his preferences.
And that’s where many women get into trouble when they love a man more than he loves them.
His opinion becomes the final opinion.
If he likes it, they like it; if he approves, they’re confident.
If he criticizes it, they’re devastated. If he’s happy with them, they feel beautiful.
Marriage has taught me that even the best spouse in the world is too human to be trusted with that much power.
People have bad days and say foolish things.
If your entire sense of self rises and falls based on one person’s approval, life becomes exhausting.
And the irony is that the more secure you are in yourself, the healthier your relationships become.
You can value his opinion without surrendering your own.
A woman who loves wisely doesn’t lose her identity the moment she falls in love.
But when you love someone more than they love you, it’s easy to slowly hand them the keys to your self-esteem and then spend years wondering why your confidence keeps moving in and out with their mood.
2. You adjust your life around him, but he only fits you in when convenient
Relationships, including marriage, are built on compromise, small and big.
You cannot share your life with another human being and expect everything to go your way all the time.
My husband doesn’t like sleeping with the lights on.
I do. Or at least I used to, because now, I see the benefits of sleeping with lights off even when he’s not around.
So I compromised. The lights go off.
Meanwhile, my husband has had to make compromises too.
Because that’s what happens when two people are trying to build one life together instead of two separate lives under the same roof.
You both bend and adjust.
Nobody gets everything they want.
The problem comes when only one person is doing the adjusting.
I’ve seen women rearrange entire lives around a man. Everything becomes, “Will this work for him?”
Meanwhile, the man is carrying on exactly as he always has, changing nothing.
When a man loves you, you’ll see evidence of it in the adjustments he’s willing to make because love naturally disrupts selfishness.
Not completely, we’re all human, but enough that the other person feels considered.
If your entire relationship consists of you adapting while he accommodates you only when it’s convenient or beneficial to him, you’re carrying more of the relationship than you realize.
3. You feel lucky to have him, but he acts like you’re replaceable
I believe strongly that no one is doing anyone a favor by being in a relationship.
You should both feel lucky to have each other.
That’s one of the beautiful things about love.
Out of all the people in the world, this person chose you, and you chose them.
There should be gratitude in that.
But some women admire a man so much that they place him on a pedestal.
Everything becomes about how lucky and blessed they are.
Meanwhile, the man is acting like he’s the prize and she’s the contestant.
You see it in how he takes her for granted because he assumes she’ll always be there, and breaking up would be her loss alone.
A healthy relationship is two people appreciating each other.
Not one person feeling privileged to be there while the other acts like they’re doing charity work.
4. You are the only one apologizing
We’ll never stop hearing the phrase “men have ego.”
Apparently, the male ego is now responsible for everything from world hunger to why your husband hasn’t spoken to you since last week.
Yeah, sometimes ego is involved, but I don’t think that’s always what’s happening when a woman becomes the permanent apologizer in a relationship.
You keep apologizing because somebody has to end the fight, and you already know it won’t be him.
Don’t get me wrong, healthy relationships require humility.
My husband and I have both apologized for things we didn’t necessarily start because sometimes protecting the relationship is more important than winning an argument.
However, the problem is when only one person is doing it.
When one person gets to be stubborn and difficult and the other person is expected to be mature enough for both of them.
No, let’s be immature together.
5. You’re always the one reaching first
If you love someone, you’d want to communicate with them.
I know some people are naturally quieter than others.
Trust me, I’m one of them.
I’m an introvert who enjoys her personal space a little too much.
There are days when I don’t want to talk to anybody, yet I still spend hours talking to my husband almost every day.
Because a relationship without communication cannot work.
That’s why I get suspicious whenever a woman is always the one carrying communication in a relationship.
She’s the one calling, texting first, and making sure conversations don’t die.
If she decides not to reach out, the relationship suddenly becomes quieter than a library at midnight.
I’m not saying a man has to call twenty-seven times a day to prove his love, but if days and weeks can pass without him feeling the need to connect with you, while you’re constantly looking for ways to connect with him…
You love him more than he loves you!
6. You’re afraid to ask for more because you don’t want to lose him
See, women rarely become low-maintenance naturally.
Most of the time, we become low-maintenance after being made to feel like our needs are a burden.
So now, you can’t ask to be treated better because you are scared of what will happen if you do.
Many women tolerate situations they would never advise their daughters to tolerate because they are in love.
Attachment can make a very intelligent woman negotiate against herself.
Things she once considered deal-breakers become things she’s willing to “work through.”
That’s usually what happens when you love someone more than they love you.
You become afraid of disturbing the relationship and start treating the relationship like a fragile glass ornament that could shatter at any moment.
Meanwhile, the man who is living his life comfortably, completely unaware that you’re carrying the emotional weight of keeping everything together.
Dear sister, the day you become scared to ask for what you need is the day you should start asking yourself why!
7. You study him, but he barely studies you
When a woman is in love, she becomes a researcher.
She knows his favorite food, what stresses him, what makes him laugh, and how he likes his coffee.
When you love a man, you know him because you pay attention.
That’s why it hurts when the attention isn’t returned.
The things you know about him, he doesn’t know about you.
And before somebody says, “Men are not observant,” let me stop you right there.
Men are very observant about things that matter to them.
Have you ever seen a football fan remember statistics from 2013?
Exactly.
People pay attention to what they value.
But if you’ve been together for years and this man still doesn’t know what hurts you, what comforts you, what excites you, or what makes you feel safe, then there is an imbalance somewhere.
Because love pays attention.
The good news is that loving someone more than they love you doesn’t mean they don’t love you at all.
Relationships are rarely measured with a calculator.
Nobody can say, “I love you 63%, and you love me 47%.”
That’s not how love works, but you can feel when the investment is lopsided.
If you recognized yourself in several of these signs, don’t panic or start a fight.
Don’t start planning your wedding to a new man named Michael.
Just be honest with yourself.
Sometimes the imbalance exists because the relationship has fallen into unhealthy patterns as people become comfortable and complacent.
And if we’re being honest, sometimes we help create the imbalance by accepting things we shouldn’t accept and carrying burdens that were never meant to be ours alone.
A fulfilling relationship is not one person chasing while the other person is being chased.
It’s two people choosing each other over and over again.
And if you’re going to love deeply, make sure you’re also loved deeply in return.