We need to have a serious conversation about some things that we, as women, need to stop feeling guilty about and start normalizing in our lives.
I’m tired of us acting like we need permission to live our own lives the way we want to.
This is an empowering post, and I needed it too.
As women, we need to start normalizing these seven things, starting today.
7 Things Every Woman Should Normalize in Her Life
1. Saying No Without Giving a Full Explanation
“No” is a complete sentence, sis.
You don’t owe anyone a dissertation on why you can’t attend their event, help with their project, take on that extra responsibility, or anything else you don’t wanna do.
As a sweet, kind, and gentle introvert that I am, I must confess that I find it difficult to say no to people.
Remember I said I needed this post too?
This is me telling myself that ‘no is a complete sentence’.
“I can’t make it” should be enough.
“That doesn’t work for me” should be enough.
“I’m not available” should be enough.
”I’m sorry I can’t” should be enough.
But we’ve been conditioned to believe that saying no makes us selfish, so we overexplain.
We give detailed reasons, hoping people will understand and not think we’re terrible human beings.
Stop it.
Your time is yours.
Your energy is yours.
Your peace is yours.
You don’t have to justify protecting any of these things.
I used to feel guilty every time I said no to anything.
Then I realized something: the people who get upset when you set boundaries are usually the ones who benefit from you not having any.
Start practicing saying no without the long explanation.
It feels weird at first, but with practice, you’ll realize how empowering it is!
2. Prioritizing Your Mental Health Over Other People’s Comfort
I know we are all about mental health these days.
Yes, as millennials, we usually accuse Gen Z of being obsessed with protecting their mental health.
They quit jobs that threaten their mental health.
They don’t endure relationships that do not serve them.
Yes, I get that they can be a lot sometimes, but you know what?
Maybe we should learn from them too.
Maybe we should normalize prioritizing our mental health over other people’s comfort.
If taking care of your mental health makes someone else uncomfortable, that’s their problem, not yours.
You don’t have to attend every family function if being there triggers your anxiety.
You don’t have to maintain toxic friendships just because you’ve known each other for years.
You don’t have to pretend everything is fine when you’re struggling, just to make other people feel better.
Your mental health is not negotiable.
It’s not selfish to go to therapy.
It’s not dramatic to remove yourself from situations that drain you.
It’s not mean to distance yourself from people who consistently bring negativity into your life, even blood relatives.
I’ve had to cut off family members who were toxic to my peace.
I’ve had to end friendships that were one-sided and exhausting.
I’ve had to leave social events early because I need to recharge.
As an introvert, my social battery is always on empty. lol
The people who truly love and support me understood.
The ones who didn’t?
Well, that told me everything I needed to know about them.
In short, stop setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Your mental health matters more than their temporary discomfort.
3. Spending Money on Things That Make You Happy
I’ve recently become obsessed with finance, and that led me to buying and reading a lot of finance books such as:
I experience this a lot, and sometimes I need my best friend to validate me and tell me that I deserve whatever I’m buying for myself.
Why do we justify every purchase like we’re on trial?
“I got this dress, but it was on sale…”
That was me on my birthday two years ago. lol
“I bought this skincare product, but I really needed it…”
“I went to the spa because I had a stressful week…”
Stop explaining your spending choices to people who aren’t paying your bills.
If you worked for that money, if you’ve handled your responsibilities, if you’re not going into debt, then spend it on whatever makes you happy.
Buy the expensive coffee.
Get your nails done regularly; I did mine yesterday, and I love the way they look right now. Even my husband does.
Take that solo vacation.
Invest in that course you’ve been wanting to take.
Buy that business class ticket. (Okay, this is me talking to myself. lol)
Life is too short to deprive yourself of joy because someone else thinks your priorities are wrong.
Normalize treating yourself without guilt.
You deserve nice things.
Thank you, Jesus!
Haha
4. Having Standards and Actually Sticking to Them
Having standards is not being picky.
Having standards is knowing your worth.
Whether it’s in relationships, friendships, work, or life in general, you have every right to expect certain things.
You can expect to be treated with respect.
You can expect people to keep their word.
I try as much as possible to keep to my word, and I can’t stand people who don’t do the same.
When people don’t meet those standards?
You can walk away.
You don’t have to lower your standards to accommodate other people’s low effort.
You don’t have to accept disrespect because someone calls you “difficult” when you speak up.
You don’t have to settle for less than you deserve because the market is tough or “that’s just how men/friends/bosses are.”
I used to think having standards meant I was asking for too much, but no.
Keep your standards high, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.
Of course, you must be realistic.
I believe you are smart to know when your expectations are realistic and when they are not.
5. Taking Up Space
Many of us are afraid of being too much, so we shrink ourselves to make other people comfortable.
Of course, as women, we grew up knowing that ”women are to be seen but not heard”
We are supposed to be warm, demure, welcoming, accommodating, kind, humble, and every other stereotype attached to being female.
Well, we need to stop dimming our light so others don’t feel overshadowed.
Stop making yourself smaller in conversations, in rooms, in life.
You have every right to take up space.
Speak loudly enough to be heard.
Share your opinions confidently.
Celebrate your achievements without downplaying them.
Dress the way you want to dress, of course, with class.
Be proud of your success.
Take up the space you deserve.
Too many of us have been taught that being “humble” means making ourselves invisible.
That being “nice” means never disagreeing or standing out, and being “likeable” means never making anyone uncomfortable with our presence.
That’s not humility; that’s self-erasure.
You were not put on this earth to be a background character in your own life.
You were put here to shine, to contribute, to be seen and heard.
So take up space unapologetically.
The world needs what you have to offer.
6. Changing Your Mind
I’m so glad that I’m the queen of changing minds.
I’ve changed careers, and my life is better for it.
I’ve quit relationships, even after introducing the guys to my family.
You are allowed to change your mind about anything.
Your career path, relationship status, life goals, boundaries, opinions, your priorities….
Growth means evolving, and evolving means that what served you yesterday might not serve you today.
You don’t have to stick with decisions that no longer align with who you’re becoming just because you made them in the past.
You don’t owe anyone consistency at the expense of your happiness.
I used to think that changing my mind made me flaky or unreliable.
Nah; it’s growth, and growth is a characteristic of being human.
The person I was at 25 had different dreams from the person I am now.
The things I tolerated in my twenties, I won’t tolerate now.
The career I thought I wanted turned out to be wrong for me.
And that’s okay.
It’s okay to pivot.
It’s okay to try something new.
It’s okay to admit that what you thought you wanted isn’t actually what you want.
Your past decisions don’t have to become your life sentence.
7. Putting Yourself First Sometimes
If everything you have been reading doesn’t make any sense to you, please let this last point make sense.
As women, we are often sacrificial, especially when we become wives and mothers.
We want to be good wives, and our motherly instincts sometimes make us put everyone else before ourselves.
But you cannot pour from an empty cup.
You cannot take care of everyone else if you’re not taking care of yourself.
You cannot be the best version of yourself for other people if you’re running on empty.
Sometimes you need to say, “Today is about me.”
Sometimes you need to cancel plans to rest.
You need to spend the day doing exactly what you want to do, and if that means doing nothing, so be it!
Prioritize your own needs over others’ wants.
We’ve been taught that good women sacrifice themselves for everyone else.
That our needs should always come last, and taking care of ourselves is selfish.
But here’s the truth: a woman who takes care of herself is better equipped to take care of the people she loves.
A woman who fills her own cup has more to give.
So, normalize putting yourself first sometimes.
Your well-being matters.
Your happiness matters.
You matter.
Look, I’m not saying you should become a selfish person who doesn’t care about anyone else.
I’m saying you should become a woman who understands that caring for yourself allows you to better care for others.
You have one life to live.
Normalize these seven things in your life!
I’m rooting for you…as always.