In fact, I write a lot about the same thing, and I should.
Because you men have shown us shege.
Hehehe. Anyways, away from us women.
Let’s talk about men today, and how we hurt them, sometimes without even realizing how much damage we’re doing.
I’ve been married for ten years, and marriage has taught me that men have feelings too.
They are expected to be strong, provide, protect, solve problems, and stay emotionally unaffected by everything happening around them.
But your husband is a human being before he’s your husband.
And just because he doesn’t cry or complain every time you hurt him doesn’t mean he isn’t hurting.
Sometimes, the things we consider harmless are the very things that stay with our men for years.
And because men aren’t always comfortable talking about their feelings, you might not even know you’ve hurt him until you notice that something has changed between you.
Of course, this doesn’t mean every change in a man’s behavior is your fault.
But it’s worth paying attention to the things we do that might be hurting the men we love.
7 Ways Women Hurt Men Without Realizing How Deeply It Cuts
1. Comparing Him to Other Men
Gather 200 wives together, and each of them will tell you there is at least one thing they want their husbands to work on.
So I understand that sometimes you’re frustrated because you want your husband to do better.
Maybe you wish he were more romantic, more financially responsible, more involved with the children, or helped more around the house.
These are legitimate things to want.
But comparing him to another man won’t motivate him.
I don’t think there’s anyone who is motivated by comparison.
Imagine your husband comparing your looks, cooking, personality, or achievements to other women’s.
You wouldn’t like it, would you?
So why do we sometimes think comparing our husbands to other men will produce a different result?
Besides, you don’t know everything happening in the marriages you’re admiring.
That husband who bought his wife a car might have shortcomings you know nothing about.
You can communicate your expectations without making your man feel like somebody else would have been a better choice.
2. Making Fun of His Vulnerabilities
Every marriage should have emotional safety.
That means your spouse should be someone you can be vulnerable with without worrying your weaknesses will become ammunition during an argument.
Unfortunately, many of us women don’t understand this.
Your man tells you about something he’s insecure about, and because you’re upset, you throw it back in his face.
Maybe he confided in you about his financial struggles, something embarrassing from his past, or an insecurity about his appearance.
Then one day, during an argument, you use that information to hurt him.
And because you’re angry, you don’t particularly care how deeply your words cut.
You just want to win the argument.
You might apologize afterward, but the next time something bothers him, don’t be surprised if he keeps it to himself.
Think about how difficult it can be for some men to open up in the first place.
Now imagine finally trusting someone enough to reveal your insecurities, only for them to use them against you.
Please, don’t make your husband regret being vulnerable with you.
3. Embarrassing Him in Front of Other People
There’s never a justifiable reason to publicly humiliate your spouse.
Some women openly insult their husbands in front of friends, family members, and even their children.
And when the man gets upset, they say, “Can’t you take a joke?”
Madam, not everything is a joke.
If the person you’re joking about is hurt, it’s not funny.
I’ve seen couples joke about each other in public, and you can tell they’re both enjoying the banter.
That’s different.
But when your husband is visibly uncomfortable, and you keep going because everyone else is laughing, that’s disrespectful.
You don’t have to agree with everything your husband says, but you can disagree without humiliating him.
4. Making Him Feel That Nothing He Does Is Ever Enough
I’m not saying women should applaud men for doing the bare minimum.
A grown man should be able to carry his responsibilities without expecting a standing ovation.
But it’s also exhausting to be with someone who never acknowledges your efforts.
For instance, he buys you something, and instead of appreciating the gesture, you immediately point out what he should have bought.
Of course, you don’t have to pretend to like something you don’t.
But if your husband tries to make you happy, appreciate it.
I’ve learned in marriage that appreciation encourages people.
Nobody wants to keep putting in effort when all they receive is criticism.
And this applies to both men and women.
You can appreciate what he’s doing right while still discussing what needs improvement.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
5. Using Physical Intimacy as a Weapon
Being married doesn’t mean you must be physically available whenever your partner wants.
There are days you’re tired, stressed, sick, overwhelmed, or just not in the mood.
And you don’t need to feel guilty about that.
But deliberately withholding sex to punish your husband or manipulate him into doing what you want is unfair.
If something is wrong, talk about it.
Don’t use sex as a reward or punishment to get your point across.
6. Dismissing His Feelings Because He’s a Man
I find it interesting that we encourage men to open up emotionally, but when they do, we don’t know what to do with their emotions.
We want emotionally available husbands until they express feelings that make us uncomfortable.
Is being a man supposed to make someone immune to emotional pain?
Men experience disappointment, fear, insecurity, grief, and rejection just like women.
And sometimes, the pressure to appear strong makes it harder for them to admit they’re struggling.
But who made you the judge of what should hurt another person?
You don’t have to understand why something hurts him to acknowledge that it does.
Sometimes, he just needs you to listen without dismissing his experience.
7. Bringing Up His Past Mistakes Every Time You Argue
I must confess, I’m guilty of this, so I understand that some things are difficult to forget, especially when trust has been broken.
And forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending something never happened.
But if you’ve resolved an issue, constantly bringing it up to win unrelated arguments will make your man feel that no amount of change will ever be enough.
Imagine apologizing for something, making a genuine effort to change, and still having it thrown in your face whenever you disagree.
Of course, if the behavior keeps happening, that’s a different conversation.
You cannot expect someone to move past something you keep doing.
But if your husband has acknowledged his mistake and made meaningful changes, allow those changes to count.
If you’re still hurting, be honest about it.
Don’t pretend you’ve moved on when you’re still carrying resentment.
7. Making Him Feel Unwanted
We sometimes forget that men want to feel attractive and desired too.
We, even I, talk about how women need affection and compliments.
Men need some of these things too.
Your husband wants to know you still enjoy being around him and you find him attractive.
But after years of marriage, we get so caught up in everything else that we stop paying attention to our husbands.
As a mother of two, I know how exhausting family life can be.
Sometimes, you barely have enough energy for yourself, let alone romance.
But we shouldn’t become so comfortable in marriage that we stop making our spouses feel loved.
Compliment your husband when he looks good.
Hug him for no particular reason.
Tell him you miss him.
Let him know you still enjoy being married to him.
He might not always say it, but those little gestures mean a lot.
Men are responsible for managing their emotions, just like women.
And this article isn’t an excuse for men to avoid accountability or expect their wives to tolerate unacceptable behavior.
But I also believe love requires us to be mindful of how our words and actions affect the people we claim to love.
Your husband may be strong, but he’s not made of stone.
And just because he doesn’t always tell you when something hurts doesn’t mean you should assume he’s fine.
A good marriage isn’t one where nobody ever gets hurt.
It’s one where both people care enough to avoid hurting each other.
