A lot of us women have been called “intimidating” at some point in our lives.
In fact, Signs You’re an Intimidating Woman is one of the most-read posts on our blog, so many women can relate.
Sometimes it’s a compliment.
Other times, it’s a subtle way of saying you should tone it down because you’re doing too much.
I’d like to think people call you intimidating when they’re the ones feeling intimidated.
Anyhoo, there’s a big difference between being a confident woman and being an intimidating one.
So, how do you know where you fall on the spectrum?
Read the 8 differences between a confident woman and an intimidating woman:
8 Differences Between a Confident Woman and an Intimidating Woman
1. A Confident Woman Commands Respect. An Intimidating Woman Demands It.
Everyone wants to be respected.
In fact, every human being deserves to be respected.
But the way you go about earning that respect says a lot about who you are.
A confident woman commands respect effortlessly.
She doesn’t need to raise her voice, throw titles around, or remind you of her worth.
Her presence, composure, and self-respect speak loudly enough.
People listen to her, not because they’re scared of her, but because they genuinely admire her.
She carries herself with a quiet strength that says, “I know who I am, and I’m not here to prove anything to you.”
Now contrast that with an intimidating woman who demands respect.
She constantly talks about how she should be respected.
She might say things like “People don’t know who they’re talking to” or “They better respect me.” Yen yen yen.
To make you understand better, let’s say there are two women leading a team.
One walks into the room, greets her team warmly, listens to their ideas, makes decisions confidently, and encourages others.
Even when she corrects someone, it’s done with dignity.
That’s a confident leader; you respect her because of how she makes you feel around her.
Now imagine the second woman walks in, slams a file on the table, glares at everyone, talks over people, and throws around phrases like “You people better not mess up again.”
One inspires admiration.
The other inspires silence and possibly resentment.
Which would you rather be?
2. A Confident Woman Uplifts Others. An Intimidating Woman Belittles Them.
My motto has always been “Women supporting women.”
I love it when my gender is winning because it’s proof of what’s possible.
So a confident woman isn’t afraid of other people shining.
In fact, she loves it.
She claps for other women, supports their dreams, compliments their growth, and genuinely celebrates their wins even when she’s still waiting for her own breakthrough.
Because she understands that another woman’s light doesn’t dim hers.
We can all shine.
The sky is wide enough for all the stars.
But an intimidating woman?
She sees other people’s success as a threat.
I remember having a roommate who told me she didn’t like me because I didn’t go to class at night to read.
Instead, I read in bed and had higher grades than her.
Can you imagine?
That’s the way of an intimidating woman.
Instead of lifting others up, she tears them down subtly through sarcasm, backhanded compliments, unnecessary competition, or just plain silence when a kind word would’ve done wonders.
Her energy says, “I have to be the best in the room.”
But the confident woman says, “We can all be great, and that’s even more beautiful.”
Real queens don’t compete.
They support.
3. A Confident Woman Is Secure in Her Skin. An Intimidating Woman Seeks Constant Validation.
We all have our insecurities and could use some validation from time to time, especially from people we love and admire.
That’s normal.
But there’s a difference between needing validation to feel good about yourself and simply appreciating it when it comes.
A confident woman knows who she is, flaws and all.
She’s aware of her strengths, accepts her weaknesses, and doesn’t rely on the applause of others to feel valuable.
Compliments are nice, but they’re not her fuel.
Whether you hype her or not, she’s good.
She’s not waiting for people to rate her before she believes in herself.
While an intimidating woman constantly fishes for attention.
Her self-worth is tied to how many likes she gets, how many heads turn when she walks in, or how many people affirm her every move.
If you don’t clap, she feels threatened.
If you don’t notice her, she feels invisible.
And when that validation doesn’t come, she starts projecting through arrogance, show-off behavior, or unnecessary drama.
Every woman needs to learn that what makes a woman secure is not how many people love her, but how deeply she’s learned to love herself.
5. A Confident Woman Is Assertive. An Intimidating Woman Is Aggressive.
Assertiveness is not a trait women are associated with due to societal conditioning.
Society expects us to be agreeable, warm, conforming… basically, to sit down and be soft-spoken.
So sometimes, in a bid to go against this stereotype, we can border towards aggressiveness if we’re not careful, especially when we feel unheard or underestimated.
A confident woman knows how to set boundaries without being rude.
She knows how to say “no” without guilt.
She communicates her needs and stands up for herself while still respecting the dignity of others.
That’s assertiveness; it’s strength with emotional intelligence.
But an intimidating woman, in her attempt to be strong, can come off as combative.
Every conversation feels like a power struggle.
She interrupts, dominates, dismisses, and sometimes lashes out not because she’s bold, but because she’s using aggression as a mask for deeper insecurity or frustration.
You’ll know it when she confuses loudness with confidence, or when disagreement automatically becomes disrespect in her book.
I’ve met women like this, and honestly, I don’t find them confident or attractive.
Yeah, the goal is not to be liked by everyone.
But there’s a graceful way to be firm without being harsh.
Confidence means you respect yourself and respect others.
Aggression says, “Only one of us can win here, and it better be me.”
Not cool.
6. A Confident Woman Listens and Learns. An Intimidating Woman Thinks She Knows It All.
An intimidating woman is usually knowledgeable and smart, I’m not disputing that.
But the problem starts when her intelligence becomes a weapon instead of a gift.
She doesn’t just know things, she acts like she knows everything.
She talks over people, shuts down opposing views, and treats every conversation like a competition.
It’s either her way or no way.
And if you dare correct her?
You’ll need a helmet and armor, because she’ll take it as an attack, not feedback.
Women like this are so exhausting!
I’d rather chew jeans than engage them in conversations.
A confident woman may be equally intelligent, but her approach is different.
She listens.
Not because she doesn’t have anything to say, but because she values perspective.
She’s open to learning, unlearning, and growing.
She understands that being smart doesn’t mean you always talk; sometimes, it means you know when to be quiet and absorb.
She doesn’t feel the need to win every discussion or be the loudest voice in the room.
In fact, she’s secure enough to say, “You make a good point,” or “I didn’t see it that way before.”
That’s not weakness. That’s maturity.
The truth is, you can be brilliant and still miss it if you’re too busy defending your pride.
Confidence says, “I’m still learning.”
Intimidation says, “I already know.”
One leads to growth. The other, to a dead end.
7. A Confident Woman Is Emotionally Intelligent. An Intimidating Woman Is Emotionally Reactive.
Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand your emotions, manage them, and respond to situations in a way that doesn’t cause unnecessary damage to yourself or others.
It’s knowing when to speak, how to speak, and when silence is the wiser choice.
It’s being able to be upset and handle things maturely.
Being emotionally reactive, on the other hand, means acting on impulse.
No filters.
No pause.
Just raw emotion spilling out; snapping, yelling, giving the silent treatment, overreacting, or shutting down completely.
And the thing is, emotional reactivity often feels powerful in the moment, but it leaves broken pieces in its aftermath.
Have you heard women who say, “ I say whatever I feel like. I say it the way it is. That’s me.”
Their words usually cut like a knife.
Being a confident woman doesn’t mean you suppress your emotions.
You simply manage them.
You give yourself permission to feel without letting those feelings control you.
You can disagree without becoming disrespectful.
An intimidating woman, however, lets her emotions lead.
Every slight becomes a war.
Every correction feels like criticism.
She’s quick to anger, quick to lash out, and rarely takes responsibility for the emotional mess left behind.
A confident woman is powerful because she doesn’t lose her head just to prove a point.
8. A Confident Woman Walks in Humility. An Intimidating Woman Walks in Superiority.
No, you shouldn’t think low of yourself.
That’s not humility; that’s self-sabotage.
But there’s a difference between knowing your worth and needing everyone around you to feel it, see it, and acknowledge it 24/7.
A confident woman walks in humility.
She knows she’s capable, beautiful, smart, gifted, but she doesn’t need to constantly announce it or make others feel small to feel tall.
She doesn’t wear her confidence like a crown others must bow to.
She wears it like perfume; present, powerful, but not overpowering.
An intimidating woman, however, walks with a sense of superiority.
She may not say it outright, but her energy screams, “I’m better than you.”
She dismisses people she deems less accomplished, looks down on those who don’t match her status or lifestyle, and thrives on hierarchy.
Her self-worth is often wrapped up in comparison.
Now that you know the differences between a confident woman and an intimidating woman, which would you rather be?