I struggle whenever I have to pen down posts like this honestly, and although I know it’s the reality of some people, I still find it hard to talk about it.
It’s easier to talk about the sweet side of marriage, where love is mutual and you’re being treated like a Queen by your husband.
Those articles are easier and sweeter to write, but I wouldn’t be a balanced writer if I only focused on the positives, would I?
There are dark sides to marriage too, sadly.
Denying this fact would be living in denial and being delusional.
Yes, it’s not everybody’s reality, but it is for many.
You can be married to a man that hates you.
Now, whether the hatred started before the marriage and you just didn’t see it or it started along the line is a topic for another day.
The focus today is being able to identify the signs that your husband hates you.
Because that’s where you should start from – “knowing,” if that’s your situation.
So, without further ado, let us unpack the very unpleasant signs.
7 Signs You’re Married To A Man Who Hates You
1. He hits you
Abuse in all its forms is a very strong sign that you’re married to a man who hates you.
It baffles me whenever I see young ladies and sometimes even mature women making excuses for their abusive men.
Some even dare to imply that the man is hitting them out of love.
Not only is that a twisted way to think, but it’s also very possibly a trauma-induced response.
Women like that either have low self-esteem or have been brainwashed to believe that violence is an expression of love.
The truth is that a man who hits you does not love you.
No matter how many times he says he’s sorry and how many bouquets or designers he gets you to apologize.
The truth remains that your husband does not love you, and that is why he feels comfortable inflicting pain on you and demeaning you.
I’ll seize this opportunity to say that if you’re in any abusive situation, please leave.
Find the closest help near you and take it.
Abuse does not communicate love in any way or form, and you have to reorient yourself to believe that.
2. Infidelity
A hill I’m willing to remain on is that you can’t love your wife and cheat on her.
I know many people may beg to differ and bring up different explanations.
But thankfully, I have the floor here, so I don’t have to entertain arguments.
Cheating is an action that is so deep that it tears relationships and marriages apart.
The betrayal cuts deep and leaves people with painful wounds, sometimes for life.
A husband who chooses to do this, knowing fully well its impact and consequences, does not love his wife.
It’s even understandable to an extent if he did it once and is truly remorseful and apologizing.
You can choose to forgive him if it’s not a deal-breaker for you.
But a man who repeatedly cheats on you and shows no remorse?
That’s a man who hates you.
First of all, if he loved you, he wouldn’t be hopping around.
But as if that is not bad enough, he sees the damage his action does to you, and he still keeps doing it.
What explanation can be given for that?
3. You feel afraid of him
“Perfect love casts out fear… “ is one of my favorite quotes about love and marriage, and it comes from the Bible.
That quote can be a powerful guide to vet your relationships many times.
If you’re constantly afraid of your husband and feel small around him, something is very wrong.
I’m not talking about healthy reverence or admiration.
I’m talking about fear, feeling frightened to be around him or being scared of making a mistake and stepping on his toes.
It can be a sign that your husband doesn’t love you.
Perhaps his past or current treatment of you has instilled fear in your heart.
Fear and love do not coexist.
Where there is love, there is freedom and happiness.
If you don’t have that, it’s not love.
4. He stops putting in efforts
In a hostile marriage, one of the things you’re likely to observe is inertia.
The presence of a gross unwillingness by the man to pull his weight in the marriage.
A husband’s willingness to make the marriage work is first a reflection of the quality of his person but also how he feels about his wife.
A man who hates his wife is very likely to be laid back and careless about his marriage.
His lack of affection for the woman he married will be seen in how he leaves everything to chance.
Expecting such a man to be romantic, plan dinners, and go the extra mile is a stretch.
Because even the basic stuff, he’ll be lacking in them.
A man who can’t show you basic human respect is not likely to shower you with sweet words and kind gestures.
5. He demeans and disrespects you
There’s a way husbands who are in love with their wives treat them, and disrespect does not fall anywhere in that mix.
There’s just this natural affection and warmth that pours out of a husband who loves his wife; it’s almost like his second nature.
He looks out for her, takes care of her, is kind to her, and respects her.
These things speak of his love and commitment.
It’s the same way when a man hates his wife; you’ll know by the way he treats her.
If your husband constantly pushes you down and disrespects you, you can be sure that he has very strong feelings about you, and those feelings are not love.
It’s a terrible situation to be in, being treated with disdain by the man you married, but you have to see his actions for what they are and be real with yourself.
6. Constant fights
To say that fighting in a marriage is abnormal is an abnormal thing to say.
Fights are not unusual or anything strange.
They’re normal to an extent.
What’s not normal is when they’re constant and extreme.
If your husband always seems to have something to fight about or constantly fights dirty, that’s not normal.
When people say terrible stuff when they’re mad at you, you need to check your relationship with them.
Fighting does not automatically erase the love and affection a man has for his wife.
So if your husband is always fighting you and uses the opportunity to say and do horrible things to you, chances are that he’s not that into you.
The fights clearly prove that something is wrong with his affection, and how low he goes with his blows also reveals the state of his heart to you.
7. He avoids you
Your husband avoiding you can be a sign that he hates you.
Take note of the word I used – “can”.
You can not assume that he hates you just because he’s avoiding you.
There are many other possible reasons for that action.
However, there’s a way your husband can be eager to be away from you that should let you know that he doesn’t just feel happy about you and that your presence repulses him.
If he’s always trying to be away from you, never misses you when you’re not around, and is not interested in your life, it’s safe to say that he doesn’t like you.
Some of these things sound like lies, but I’ve seen them play out in real life.
He just was never around for one reason or another.
She eventually forced him to sit one day and tell her why he was acting the way he was.
And that’s when he blatantly told her that he had a lot of resentment against her in his heart.
He was very brutal in his words, and although it broke her, at least she wasn’t in the dark anymore.
Unfortunately, they couldn’t work out the situation and had to go their separate ways.
But that does not have to be the story for every situation like this.
Hate is a strong word and an even stronger feeling to have towards anyone, especially not a spouse.
But sometimes, things get messy, and it happens.
Seeing one or more of these signs isn’t a confirmation ticket that your husband hates you.
However, it’s definitely a sign that he is harboring very strong, unpleasant feelings against you.
There could be many reasons for this, so it is important to handle the situation with patience and care.
It doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage, but if it is, the issue must be addressed and fixed.
Couples should never be comfortable being in situations where either of them is nursing unpleasant feelings towards the other.
It’s just a risky and volatile place to be in.
Yes, your marriage can go through difficult phases for various reasons, and they don’t have to translate to the end of it.
But these issues have to be openly talked about and both partners should work towards a resolution.