The first time I entered a romantic relationship, I was a teenager.
I had just met this lady who seemed to be everything I wanted in a woman.
I thought I was in love until we started dating, and in just two months, I was already tired of her.
I could no longer see those things that attracted me to her.
We continued with the “relationship” for another month before finally agreeing that all we felt in the beginning was gone.
This got me really scared because I thought about marriage.
I mean, if I couldn’t last two months in a relationship, how do I even start contemplating “forever” with one woman?
Growing older, I have learned that love is more than a feeling.
Love is a decision.
It is also a decision that married couples make every single day.
The same way you wake up and decide to keep your temper under control is the exact same way married couples wake up every day deciding to love their partners.
Even with this mindset, marriage is still filled with highs and lows, and attraction can wane over time.
It’s not so abnormal for some husbands to feel a noticeable decline in attraction to their wives.
What couples do during this period is important in deciding whether their relationship remains successful or not.
Understanding the reasons behind this shift can help couples address the underlying issues and reignite their attraction.
Come along as we explore the reasons some husbands feel less attracted to their wives over time.
7 Reasons Some Husbands Feel Less Attracted To Their Wives Over Time
1. Married life seems so monotonous
In the early days, being married could be exciting.
You start out enjoying every bit of it.
My friend got married recently, and she was excited for the first two months.
She couldn’t make a statement without adding the words “my husband.”
However, I noticed she is beginning to tone it down a little now.
Is it a sign of something bad?
No, it’s normal for this to happen; their marriage is evolving into something more mature.
However, there is also the danger of your marriage settling into a routine at this point.
The excitement of newness can give way to routine if care isn’t taken.
Then, marriage just becomes like a constant cycle involving the daily grind of work, household chores, and other responsibilities.
For some people, even having sex with their partners becomes a responsibility, a chore they have to do occasionally.
The truth is that when marriage becomes this way, it could affect how the man sees his wife.
She no longer ignites a fire in him.
At best, he just has this feeling of warm fondness for her.
This affects the marriage in many ways.
Routine is a killer of attraction in relationships, and it should be avoided.
But don’t all of us have some kind of routine going on in our lives?
Yes, it’s hard to live without routines, but there should still be a little spontaneity—it helps add some life to your days.
So, in your marriage, make room for some spontaneity and do some fun stuff when you can.
2. There are changes in her appearance
I remember discussing with a secondary school junior about the qualities he wanted in a woman.
The guy said she must be voluptuous.
It was funny to me then, and I remember asking if he didn’t think beauty, good character, and intelligence should be core characteristics.
He said he didn’t really care about that.
I advised him to look for more in the wife he wants and, of course, develop himself, too.
It’s unfair to set unrealistic expectations on your partner, especially in areas you are lacking in.
Such a woman would be settling for less if she agreed to such a union.
I don’t know if he took that advice.
This happened several years ago.
But it got me thinking.
Time not only increases our ages, but it also takes its toll on us physically.
While some people age slowly, they still age.
Aging comes with many physical changes, and those changes could sometimes be the reason some husbands are no longer attracted to their wives.
They struggle to reconcile the differences between the youthful image they initially fell in love with and the present reality.
This can translate into a reduction in physical attraction.
And when you are on the receiving end of this, it could feel so unfair.
All he needs to do is look into the mirror and realize he isn’t the youthful man you initially fell in love with too.
Aging is a natural and inevitable process, so why should that affect your marriage?
The beauty of marriage is in the connection and bond you have developed over the years.
While physical appearance could be a bonus, it doesn’t inspire love.
Love is inspired by the invisible things– those little things that matter.
If a husband is losing attraction to his wife because of changes in physical appearance, he needs to remind himself of the things he truly loves about her.
3. There are unresolved issues
In school, there was this girl I used to think was the most beautiful girl I knew.
She was so beautiful, and I always tried to sound intelligent when talking to her.
Well, one day, we had an argument, and she said many insulting words to me; it was a shocker.
I figured she was going to apologize the next day because she was sincerely at fault.
She didn’t apologize.
She went on to start a cold war with me that continued for weeks.
When she realized I wasn’t going to talk to her first, she apologized, but at that time, I had changed my perception of her.
She didn’t even look remotely attractive to me.
The truth is that unresolved issues in relationships are dangerous.
You may think it is something small, but it has this crazy way of destroying relationships if left over time.
Whether it’s past arguments, unmet expectations, or unaddressed grievances, these unresolved issues can fester and create emotional tension in the relationship.
It causes resentment, and when there is resentment, the desire to be close to your partner dies an unnatural death.
If your husband is acting like he isn’t attracted to you, and you know there are unresolved issues between the both of you, that could be the reason.
Sometimes, all you need to do is get out all the baggage, and you will realize that you and your husband are still totally in love with each other.
4. Their wives neglect self-care
Self-care is important in relationships.
I know I said that aging is inevitable.
But you can slow it down.
Of course, I am not about to tell you to take the elixir of life.
Self-care!
That’s the key to slowing down the process of aging.
When a wife neglects self-care, it can change her husband’s perception of her.
If a woman stops taking care of herself physically, it could affect her husband’s attraction to her.
I have seen some women just let themselves go.
In my community, you go out and see ungroomed women outside, talking to each other at all hours of the day.
I know that husbands get to see their wives at their worst, and that’s the reality of marriage.
It is intimate and vulnerable, so you see the good, the bad, and the ugly.
But they should also be able to see their wives at their best.
However, if their wives give little thought to dressing the right way and taking care of themselves generally, it may be difficult for some husbands to maintain their attraction for their wives.
Self-care is not just physical.
It also encompasses emotional well-being.
A wife who is overdramatic, aggressive, and nags all the time will definitely stop being attractive to her husband soon enough.
Those behaviors are very unflattering and affect the relationship adversely.
Self-care isn’t just about appearance; it’s also about maintaining a positive mindset and a sense of self-worth.
Everyone should prioritize self-care.
5. There is a lack of emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is very important in marriages.
In fact, the importance cannot be overestimated.
It is the cornerstone of physical attraction.
When couples experience emotional distance due to communication breakdowns, unresolved conflicts, or lack of quality time together, their emotional connection weakens.
And when this happens, it affects physical intimacy as well.
Some husbands feel less attracted to their wives over time because of a steadily increasing emotional distance between them.
Intimacy thrives on emotional closeness, and when this is absent, it can translate into reduced physical attraction between couples.
If you realize that your husband doesn’t seem to spend much time with you, you may start wondering what he is doing with his time.
But instead of doing that, it is best to understand why it is happening.
Knowing why it is happening is pivotal to developing a suitable solution.
6. He feels unappreciated
Feeling neglected or unappreciated can erode attraction to your partner.
Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight.
It is a gradual process.
If a husband perceives that his efforts and contributions are not valued, it can lead to feelings of resentment and disconnect.
This emotional disconnect can impact physical attraction, as feeling valued and appreciated is integral to maintaining a desire for your partner.
When a man begins to feel resentment towards his wife, his attraction to her obviously begins to reduce little by little.
It may start as him wanting to spend more time away from home or wanting to be alone even when he is at home.
But what it ends as could be something as terrible as the dissolution of the marriage.
Resentment is terrible for romantic relationships, and anything that creates resentment shouldn’t be allowed in your marriage if you want to enjoy a successful marriage.
7. He has unrealistic expectations
Unrealistic expectations can be the end of any relationship if care is not taken.
I have noticed how several couples have expectations that are based on society and social media portrayals of what their partners should do.
When reality doesn’t match these idealized images, it can lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction.
In this case, if a husband has unrealistic expectations of his wife and reality doesn’t match those expectations, his dissatisfaction can lead him to lose attraction for her.
One day, I saw a picture of a woman in her sixties.
You won’t believe she was in her sixties because she dressed and looked so young.
She was wearing tight, short gowns and exuding sexual appeal like it was her perfume.
Many men in her comment section wished their wives were like her.
Sadly, these men in her comment section had unrealistic expectations of their wives.
These husbands may struggle with the disparity between their expectations and the day-to-day realities of married life.
In this situation, I think the husbands need to revise their expectations of their wives and put themselves in their shoes.
The wives are also on social media and see really attractive men on a daily basis.
If they also developed those unrealistic expectations, no one would want to stay married to their partners because they would always be looking for someone who looks younger and fitter.
Ultimately, I think love is a decision.
You must keep reminding yourself of why you made that decision.
Anytime you start feeling unattracted to your spouse, stand in front of a mirror and remind yourself of how much you have also changed over the years.
While it’s natural for the initial intensity to change over time, couples need to take proactive steps to nurture and maintain their connection.
Through open communication, emotional intimacy, and a willingness to invest in the relationship, they can do away with unresolved issues and other things that may threaten their relationship.