I know you’ve probably heard it countless times, especially from men, that “Women are their own enemies.”
“Women don’t support other women,” or “Women are always jealous of each other.”
Every time I hear that, I can’t help but smile, not because it never happens.
Of course it does. Women are humans.
Human beings compare themselves and can be petty.
But that’s only one side of the story.
Women also admire women.
Not every woman is secretly looking for another woman’s downfall.
Here are some things women secretly admire in other women, even if we don’t always say them out loud:
5 Things Women Secretly Admire in Other Women
1. The woman who can sit alone in public and look completely fine
To be honest, I’ve never been to a party all by myself.
Not that I’ve attended many parties anyway, but the ones I’ve been to have usually been with my husband, friends, or family.
So whenever I see a woman confidently sitting alone at a restaurant, attending an event by herself, or even traveling solo, I can’t help but admire her.
Many of us cannot be by ourselves in public spaces without spending the first thirty minutes wondering whether people think we’ve been stood up.
We’ll keep scrolling through the same five apps just to avoid making awkward eye contact.
Meanwhile, there’s this woman calmly eating her meal and enjoying the music.
She doesn’t need a crowd to enjoy her life because enjoying your own company isn’t loneliness.
That’s something many of us secretly admire.
2. A woman who ages without apologizing
We live in a world that’s so cruel to women.
We can’t even age in peace despite everything our bodies go through.
Pregnancy, childbirth, hormonal changes, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, stress, menopause…
Life literally leaves its fingerprints on our bodies, yet society expects us to look twenty-five forever.
It’s exhausting.
Female celebrities have it even worse.
The comments people leave online can be so mean.
“She has wrinkles.”
“She looks old.”
“She has fallen off.”
And I’m always thinking, What exactly was the alternative?
Was she supposed to remain thirty forever?
I don’t get it.
Even more ironic is that many of the people criticizing these women are aging too.
Some of them have hairlines that have quietly relocated to the back of their heads, but somehow they’re still shocked that a woman has laugh lines after decades of laughing.
Make it make sense.
I admire women who embrace each season with grace.
No matter how old they are, they still take care of themselves, dress beautifully, and wear their lipstick.
They’re not fighting time as if it’s their greatest enemy.
Many women secretly admire the woman who grows older without apologizing for it.
Because really, we all want to stop fearing the very thing we’re privileged enough to experience.
Growing older is not a curse.
It’s a blessing that not everyone gets to receive.
3. A woman whose husband clearly adores her
No matter how fiercely independent and successful a woman is, she still wants to be loved.
We are social beings, wired for connection.
No amount of career success, money, or influence completely replaces the human desire to be deeply loved by someone who knows you intimately.
Funny how people think wanting a loving marriage somehow makes a woman weak.
It doesn’t.
You can run a company, earn your own money, lead a team of hundreds, and still melt when your husband reaches for your hand.
Those things are not contradictory.
They’re beautifully human.
It’s easy to take a loving husband for granted.
If you’ve always been loved well and respected, you may assume that’s simply how marriage works.
Then you hear another woman’s story.
The woman who feels lonely despite sleeping beside someone every night.
The woman who has stopped expecting affection because disappointment has become more familiar than romance.
You’ll become grateful all over again.
Women secretly admire wives whose husbands unashamedly adore them because every woman wants to feel emotionally safe and chosen.
So, a husband who truly loves his wife is one of the most beautiful sights to witness.
It doesn’t make women jealous.
More often than not, it gives them hope because we live in a world where we’re constantly hearing about broken relationships, and hope is a precious thing.
4. She has her own money
They say, “A woman’s protection is a little money of her own.”
Notice it didn’t say a lot of money.
Just a little.
Enough to give her choices, dignity, and to make decisions from a place of wisdom instead of desperation.
This isn’t about competing with your husband or proving you don’t need a man.
I believe one of the most beautiful things in marriage is partnership.
When two people bring their strengths together, everybody wins.
But it’s also admirable that a woman can stand on her own two feet.
Adulthood has taught me that money doesn’t solve every problem, but goodness, it solves a lot of stressful ones.
Money won’t guarantee happiness, but it can pay for therapy when your heart is heavy.
It can get you out of an unsafe situation and help you leave a job that’s draining your soul.
It can put food on the table while you’re figuring life out.
Women admire women who have their own income because they have options, and options are powerful.
There’s a different confidence that comes from knowing you’re not trapped.
You’re with your husband because you love him, not because you literally cannot survive without him.
And you’re in that job because it’s serving you, not because one missed paycheck would destroy your life.
Financial independence doesn’t make a woman less feminine.
If anything, it gives her the freedom to love and build from a place of security instead of fear.
5. The woman who is kind, but not anybody’s mumu
There’s a kind of balance that’s hard to strike, and the woman who strikes it becomes a quiet legend.
I’m learning to be this kind of legend myself.
This woman is genuinely kind.
She’ll help you and show up for you.
But try to take advantage of her, and you’ll discover that you’ve made a serious miscalculation.
She’s soft, but not stupid.
Warm, but not weak.
Many of us struggle to hold both. I do.
Some of us are so kind we’ve been so used by users.
Others got burnt so badly that they hardened completely, and now kindness is like a risk they can no longer afford.
But this woman kept her softness and grew a spine to go with it.
She’ll forgive you sincerely, and adjust your access accordingly.
People think kindness and firmness cannot live in the same woman.
She’s the living proof that they can, and the combination is powerful.
Kindness without boundaries is not virtue. It’s slow self-destruction.
Women watch her and study her like a course.
Because how do you remain good in a world that eats good people, without letting the world eat you too?
This woman has figured it out, and we want her syllabus.
So yes, women can be petty, and we can compare.
But the next time someone tells you “women hate other women,” remember this list.
And the real assignment is this: stop keeping the admiration secret.
Tell her.
Tell the woman whose courage you’ve been studying from a distance.
Send the message.
Give the compliment out loud.
Because half the time, the woman you think is judging you is actually admiring you.
She just never said it out loud.
Be the one who says it.