If you are having an affair with a married man at work, then chances are very high that you already know that what you’re doing is wrong.
So this post is not about to bombard you with how wrong you are or condemn you.
What I’m about to do instead is have a girls’ chat with you, looking critically into your situation and trying to harness it for your good.
You are not the first person to get involved in an office romance.
And you are definitely also not the first person to date a married man.
These things happen in many places, and many people get involved in it, so we know it’s definitely because of its benefits or perceived benefits.
3 Reasons People Have Affairs With Married Men At Work
1. It’s exciting
For many people who get involved in an office romance, the thrill, and excitement obtained from it is usually why they start it or find it difficult to leave.
Stolen waters are sweet, isn’t it?
Looking forward to seeing your love interest every day at work, meetings, and trips.
Going for lunch together, working on projects together, and celebrating successes together.
The secrecy that may come with it gets your adrenaline pumping, and you just love the adventure.
2. Benefits attached
It goes without saying that dating a married man at work comes with some benefits.
If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be done by so many people.
Certain incentives and bonuses may be attached to dating him, particularly if the married man is the boss or a senior associate.
You may be getting gifts, promotions, a raise, or other benefits from the married man because you are romantically involved with him.
In return for warming his bed, certain benefits are given to you.
3. No strings attached
Another reason why many people commonly practice this form of office romance is that it seems easy.
Unlike in a conventional relationship where serious commitment and involvement are required, no strings are attached in this case.
You can “enjoy” your office interest and still have other interests outside of work.
No demand for commitment or exclusivity is made by you because of the nature of the relationship.
I mean, the man is married, so he is not likely to ask you to stick with him alone.
And so you have the liberty to get involved with other people.
However, as exciting and fun as your office romance may be, it comes with certain consequences, just like every decision made and action taken.
The effects of your actions
9 Consequences of Having An Affair With A Married Man At Work
1. Emotional consequences
As this form of relationship is highly complicated, be sure there will be emotional consequences.
I honestly think you should be aware of this already, but just in case you aren’t, I’m here to tell you.
You should be prepared for the potentially complicated emotional issues arising from your affair with your married colleague.
The emotions of a lot of people are involved, and it can leave a devastating effect on everyone involved in the end.
2. Workplace gossip
Workplace gossip happens in every organization, just in different ways and at different levels.
One of the fuels for such gossip is office affairs or romance.
Your involvement with your married colleague makes you susceptible to this.
The gossip may be minimal, in hushed tones, and it may not affect you initially, but with time, it may progress and spread so much that you begin to feel uncomfortable.
You start walking on eggshells and being cautious about who you hang out with and talk to at work.
You are afraid of sharing personal information with a coworker that will feed your gossip with more information.
You stop being free and happy at work because you are now the object of some speculations.
This can create a very hostile work environment for you.
3. You’re not the only one he’s with
It is quite unrealistic to expect faithfulness from a married man who is already cheating on his wife by having an affair with you.
He may also be involved with other people besides his wife and you.
If his wife wasn’t enough, why do you think you will be?
Hence, there is no satisfaction or peace in your relationship with him because you know that it is unstable and unreliable.
For the reason mentioned above, your health is at risk.
Having a partner who has other sexual partners who you may not even be aware of is very risky.
You are exposed to a plethora of potential health risks simply because of the person you are having an affair with.
Although the affair is between just you and your married colleague, the effects of the affair touch a wide range of individuals.
The children of your married colleague are unfortunately incriminated in all of these too.
Having a father who cheats can mean many things to them;
Having an unhappy mum, having their mum exposed to sexually transmitted diseases, having their dad miss important appointments in their lives because he has to be with you, and so on.
The peace and unity between their parents is threatened because of the affair.
6. Losing your job
Depending on the policies at your workplace, having an affair with a married man at work can be like playing with a beehive.
Your romance may make you both compromise on your professionalism and put up unacceptable behaviors that could jeopardize your job or career.
For many workplaces, certain policies are in place that is outrightly against such relationships between coworkers, especially married ones.
If the affair involves a superior and a subordinate, it is even more frowned upon.
And while the man may assure you that your job is safe, unless the organization belongs to him, you can not be fully assured of that.
The fact remains that your job may be at risk by having this affair.
Is the married man at work worth more than your job security?
7. He’s cheating on his wife
Sometimes, when people date married people, it’s almost as though they don’t remember the legal spouse.
Your married work man-friend has a wife that he is cheating on with you.
And while you may not care much about or respect the sanctity of marriage, it doesn’t change the fact that the union is a formal and legal one recognized by different authorities and bodies.
And that in certain jurisdictions, infidelity/adultery has legal consequences, particularly if the spouse takes it up legally and asks for a divorce.
Not to mention the pain of infidelity on the spouse being cheated on.
Infidelity can be hurtful and unethical, and if you put yourself in the wife’s shoes, you may want to do things a little differently, considering the emotional turmoil on the parties involved.
Another thing to consider is the long-term viability of your relationship.
Your married partner has already established some form of stability for himself.
He has a wife and probably has kids.
Because his wife has more stand in his life than you do, if all fails, even if his marriage is bad, he may return to it to work on it.
You have the responsibility of honoring yourself enough to assess if this relationship is good for you.
Does it have any potential for a future?
Or is this purely a short-term affair?
9. Damage to your reputation and values
Your values come in here.
What do you hold dear, and how do you want to be perceived?
You must reflect on your personal values and principles and decide if this aligns with who you are or want to be.
Your reputation is also at stake because nothing remains hidden, no matter how much you try to hide it.
Someone is bound to find out, and the news will circulate in your workplace, and everyone will know.
Ultimately, you must admit you’re in a risky and dicey situation.
But you do not have to be because you have the power to remove yourself from situations that do not serve you.
At every point in your life, you are at liberty to assess your life and evaluate your decisions and the situations you place yourself in.
Having open communication with your colleague about the situation and your intentions to avoid being in such a complicated place is helpful.
If you are confused about the best ways to handle the situation, here are some helpful tips:
1. Think: carefully assess the situation and weigh the consequences.
2. Set boundaries: while you’re thinking, you can set emotional and physical boundaries to protect yourself.
3. Ending the affair: if you have decided to leave the relationship, be firm in your decision and prepared for possible fallouts.
4. Seeking support: Support from friends and loved ones can be helpful in times like this to help you navigate hard times.