I don’t think we need anyone to tell us that dating a married man is all shades of wrong.
We all know.
Infidelity is one of the leading causes of separation and divorce, and you dating a married man means you’re contributing to the breakdown of a family, a home, an institution.
What about dating a married man who is unhappy in his marriage?
Is that any different?
After all, he’s not finding joy in his union, and you’re like his ”rescue lady,” rescuing him from the throes of his sad marriage.
You’re doing good work, and your relationship with him is justifiable, right?
Well, I’m not judging you.
I’m old enough to know that relationships are complex and life isn’t black and white.
However, if you are dating a married man who is unhappy in his marriage, there are some things you should know:
Dating a Married Man Who is Unhappy in His Marriage: 6 Things To Know
1. What If He’s Lying About His Marital Situation?
So if he decides to work things out with his wife and he’s ”happy,” again, where does that leave you?
Think about it, and ask yourself if you like your answer to that question.
2. Consider the Emotional Toll
Let’s even assume that he’s truly unhappy; still, being involved with a married man can take an emotional toll on you.
Because it’s a relationship filled with secrecy, ambiguity, and anxiety.
You might feel passion, guilt, uncertainty, confusion, and loneliness because of the clandestine nature of the relationship.
Be prepared for this emotional weight and consider if you’re equipped to handle it.
3. Acknowledge The Complexity
Recognize that this situation with an unhappy married man is complex.
There are many emotions, relationships, and potential consequences involved.
Dating a married man doesn’t just impact you and him; it can also affect his spouse, children, and other family members.
No matter how unhappy he is, he’s still very much married to someone else.
His wife might feel betrayed, hurt, and deceived, while his children might struggle with the possible disruption of their family dynamics.
Even if these people aren’t aware of the relationship, the emotional strain and tension can indirectly affect them.
There are also potential consequences to consider.
For instance, if the affair is discovered, it could lead to marital discord, divorce, and the division of assets and custody.
If it remains a secret, it could lead to ongoing guilt and stress for both of you.
So, while you might have strong feelings of love and pity for this man, it’s vital to acknowledge the full scope of the situation, so you can make informed decisions that consider not just your immediate emotions but the potential long-term consequences as well.
4. Be Aware of False Promises
When you’re dating a married man, you might hear promises that he’ll leave his spouse for you, especially since he claims he’s unhappy.
Words are easy, but actions can be difficult.
It’s easier said than done.
Leaving a marriage involves more than just feelings; it’s a life-changing decision that affects many areas: finances, family, social standing, and more.
Well, in some cases, the man may genuinely intend to leave his spouse but struggles to follow through due to the complexities involved.
In other, well, I dare to say, in most situations, these promises are a way of keeping the relationship with you going without fully committing.
Until you see concrete actions supporting his words, know that his promises might be false.
So, you might be investing yourself emotionally in a future that is uncertain, while your happiness and marital destiny is solely dependent on his decision to leave his spouse.
5. The Timeline May Be Indefinite
In this kind of complicated relationship, there’s often no exact timeline for when things will change.
Unlike a typical relationship, you’re waiting for him to sort out his marital issues before you can move forward.
This process can take months or years or might not happen at all.
In short, you’re waiting for something that’s not guaranteed.
You might be hopeful that he’ll leave his wife, but there’s no definite timeframe for when this might occur or even if it will.
This situation will leave you in a state of constant uncertainty and limbo, which is emotionally draining.
You have to ask yourself some tough questions.
Are you willing to wait indefinitely?
Can you handle the uncertainty?
Is the man and the relationship worth the indefinite wait and heartache?
6. It’s Not Your Duty to Make Him Happy; He’s Still Married
If any of the points above did not sink in, please let this one sink in.
It’s not your duty to make him happy.
I know you may feel compelled to make him happy or “save” him from his current situation.
We know how hard it is for men to be vulnerable and open up to someone, so it’s easy for you to fall into the trap of trying to help him, seeing how vulnerable he is to you.
He has a wife who he must sort out his feelings with, if at all possible.
It’s not your duty to fix his marital problems or become his sole source of happiness.
If he is unhappy in his marriage, those are issues that he needs to address himself through deep introspection, communication with his wife, or even seeking help from a marriage counselor.
His happiness, particularly concerning his marriage, isn’t something you can or should be responsible for.
In fact, your being in the picture can further complicate matters as his unresolved feelings for you could be creating further tension in an already strained relationship.
So, tread carefully, prioritize your well-being, and know that you should not bear the burden of someone else’s marital unhappiness.
Let him confront and resolve his issues independently.
It’s always best not to involve yourself in delicate matters such as these if you can avoid it.
All the best!