One of the mistakes we make about cheating is assuming it only happens to people who went looking for it.
You know, the cheater who has two phones and lies like breathing.
But sometimes, temptation catches you in a season when you’re more vulnerable than usual.
This is why I think knowing yourself is one of the best protections you can have in marriage.
Because saying, “I would never cheat,” is easy when you’re happy with your spouse, nobody interesting is pursuing you, and life is generally good.
Okay.
What about other times?
That’s what I’ll be writing about in this post: some of the moments you’ll be most tempted to cheat on your spouse.
If you know the moments when you’re likely to be vulnerable, you can stop playing with fire before you have to explain why the whole house is burning.
5 Moments You’ll Be Most Tempted to Cheat on Your Spouse
1. When you’re away from home, and nobody knows you
Eishhh.
Imagine the privilege and freedom of doing something wrong without being caught?
You’re away from home; nobody knows your spouse or your friends, and, most dangerously, nobody is watching.
There’s something about being far from your normal life that can make you feel like you’ve temporarily escaped its rules too.
This is why work trips, conferences, vacations, and long periods away from your spouse are dangerous if you don’t have boundaries.
At home, there are reminders everywhere.
Your spouse, your children (if you have them), people who know you as somebody’s husband or wife.
Even your normal routine keeps you grounded in your real life.
Then you travel somewhere, and you’re just you.
That’s when your brain will start doing mathematics it has no business doing.
Who would even know?
It’s just this once.
I’m leaving in two days anyway.
What happens here stays here.
What happens there may stay there, but you are going home with yourself.
That’s when you discover whether your loyalty depends on surveillance.
If the only thing stopping you from betraying your spouse is the possibility of being caught, then your biggest problem isn’t temptation.
You’ve confused being faithful with being supervised.
2. When your marriage is at its lowest, and someone offers you an escape
Really, this is one of the most dangerous times to meet someone you find attractive.
Because when your marriage is going well, another person’s attention may just feel like attention.
But when your marriage is terrible, attention is rescue.
Affairs don’t always begin with two people deciding to sleep together.
Sometimes they begin with, “At least I can talk to you.”
That’s why a difficult season in your marriage is not the time to start building secret emotional connections with someone you find attractive.
Deal with your marriage.
3. When you feel unwanted at home, and somebody else makes you feel desirable
A lot of women can relate to having body issues, especially after having children.
Even as a mom of two, my body is no longer exactly the way it was before I had my babies.
My tummy is flabbier from carrying two heavy pregnancies, and there are definitely things that have shifted from their original address.
Thankfully, I have a husband who still finds me beautiful.
And I don’t take that for granted.
Because imagine already struggling with how you feel about your body, and the person you’re married to doesn’t make you feel desirable either.
Then somebody else comes along who makes you feel like the best thing since sliced bread.
You know you shouldn’t entertain it, but never underestimate what attention can do when it lands on an insecurity.
This isn’t even limited to women.
A man who has spent months feeling rejected by his wife can also become vulnerable when another woman suddenly makes him feel handsome and wanted.
The temptation here isn’t really about the other person, but how you feel when you’re around them.
4. When you’re angry with your spouse
Especially if your partner has cheated on you and you haven’t fully dealt with the anger.
You know there’s regular marital anger, and then there’s “You betrayed me, and I’m still trying to understand why I shouldn’t ruin your life” anger.
You may have decided to stay and have forgiven them to some extent.
But forgiveness doesn’t mean the anger disappears immediately.
So imagine you’re still carrying all that hurt and someone attractive starts showing interest in you.
That temptation comes with a very convenient argument like, Why should I be faithful to someone who wasn’t faithful to me?
That’s how revenge cheating starts making sense.
5. When you’re receiving attention from someone you once wanted
Marriage doesn’t mean you forget every person you ever had a crush on.
And it definitely doesn’t mean you’ll never find another person attractive again.
You got married. You didn’t lose your eyesight.
You may even develop a new crush while married if you’re not disciplined about your thoughts and boundaries.
We need to stop pretending married people become blind to everybody except their spouses.
The attraction isn’t always the problem.
What you do with it is.
But there’s something dangerous about receiving attention from someone you once wanted.
Maybe an ex you never completely got over or someone you desperately wanted years ago who didn’t want you back.
Then ten years later, you’re married, minding your business, and suddenly this person appears again.
And now they’re interested.
Eishhh.
Your ego may start doing press-ups because imagine the satisfaction of finally being wanted by someone who once didn’t want you.
This is where discipline comes in.
You don’t need to investigate whether there’s still chemistry or have one innocent lunch to catch up.
You’re married.
That research project has been canceled.
And don’t fool yourself with “We’re just talking.”
If you’re deleting the messages, waiting excitedly for their replies, dressing differently because you know you’ll see them, or hiding the friendship from your spouse, you already know this isn’t as innocent as you’re pretending.
Protecting your marriage means accepting that there are people you simply shouldn’t get close to.
There is no prize for standing beside temptation every day and successfully resisting it.
Move!!!
Nobody should be so confident about their ability to resist temptation that they stop having boundaries.
“I know myself.”
Fine, but know that wisdom isn’t putting yourself in every possible compromising situation just to prove how faithful you are.
Wisdom is simply not going there.
Faithfulness isn’t proved by never having an opportunity to cheat.
It’s proved when the opportunity is sitting right in front of you, looking very attractive, making all the right moves, and you still remember:
I have something at home I’m not willing to risk for this.
