It is no longer hearsay that divorce has become more rampant nowadays.
One of the things that breaks the heart is to see two people who were once in love get married only to divorce later.
Heck!
Some marriages don’t even last up to one year.
Some lasted just a few years, and the curtain was closed.
People say the hardest years of marriage are usually the first few years.
This may or may not be true because, in reality, many marriages fail even after 10 years.
Not everyone who experienced divorce initially wished for it, and life still comes with many uncertainties.
Like WB Yeats shared, “Things often fall apart when the center cannot hold.”
Let me take you on a short journey to see how a couple, Mr A and Mrs B, ended their marriage after 10 years.
Love is the bedrock of any meaningful relationship.
Mr. A and Mrs. B started loving each other, and their marriage produced two children within ten years – beautiful!
But the story of Mr. and Mrs. B was not all rosy.
While they were married, the whole neighborhood knew them for chaos and disunity.
Mrs. B got promoted at work and started earning more than Mr. A a few months after the wedding.
Her husband felt threatened and told her to quit her job so he could maintain his position as the breadwinner without rivalry.
Mrs. B knew her husband’s salary alone could not cater to the family, so she declined.
One year later, Mrs. B was doing well for the family, but she became proud toward her husband.
She started staying away from home without accountability.
She’d only leave a letter and money in an envelope; Mr A’s opinion no longer mattered.
Meanwhile, every time she was home, they went from one conflict to another, fighting like sworn enemies.
After their first child turned three, Mrs. B took an out-of-country opportunity in her office and relocated for a year, leaving her three-year-old and an infant behind.
The arrangement continued for many years, and she only visited her husband and children once in a while.
The rocky, bumpy ride that had become their marriage ultimately came to an end after ten years.
This brings me to share six reasons why some marriages fail after ten years.
8 Reasons Some Marriages Fail After 10 Years
1. Negligence during courtship
Most of the things that cause marriages to fail are issues that were neglected during courtship.
The red flags ignored during courtship will definitely become red blocks and walls in marriage.
Do you remember the story I shared earlier?
Mrs. B must have seen signs that she was marrying an egoistic man who wouldn’t want a woman to dream big, fly high, or earn more.
Mr. A, on the other hand, must have also seen signs that he was getting married to a woman who would become arrogant and proud when she gained access to wealth.
Truthfully, these signs are always there.
But do people really see?
Love blinds people, but it shouldn’t blind you!
Like Nigerians like to say, “Shine your eyes!” (meaning be observant).
There’s a saying that humans should love with their heads.
This isn’t entirely true because love is actually in the heart; nonetheless, sense must be applied to love.
2. Failure to ask logical questions while courting
I’m sure you must be wondering why I keep talking about “courtship.”
Well, that’s because that’s where it all starts.
People should imbibe the culture of “interviewing” during courtship.
This means that everyone must learn to ask questions.
If Mr. A wanted a dogmatically submissive woman, he should have asked questions to realize that Mrs. B was not such a woman.
I’m in no way validating Mr. A’s speculations or talking down on submission.
It’s highly wrong to be so egotistic that you don’t want your spouse to grow and explore.
Nonetheless, there’s a man for every woman and a woman for every man.
If you want a fool, go for a fool; don’t try to bend a wise person into a foolish one.
Mrs. B, who knew herself, should have also asked questions to understand her spouse’s stand on the issues that later crashed their marriage.
It’s essential to condemn Mrs. B’s actions!
It’s a wrong ideology to think that a woman who earns more or occupies a leadership position would automatically be disrespectful to her husband.
This is a poor mentality, and marriage is all about two coming together to become one.
The moment one starts to exalt themselves above the other, danger is looming.
3. Lack of understanding
As much as people say there’s no perfect couple —I strongly believe there are understanding couples.
They know each other and help each other.
The failure of Mr. A and Mrs. B’s marriage could have been avoided if they had understood eachother.
It takes understanding to enjoy longevity in marriage.
You need to understand that marriage takes intentionality, love, and kindness to help the marriage.
Understanding births kindness.
It strengthens bonds and gives no room for offenses.
4. Failure to do checks and balances
I remember we were taught about checks and balances in high school.
Checks and balances are not only applicable to politicians; they apply to every individual and, by extension, to marriage.
Couples must check themselves from time to time and ask questions.
Have we been spending time together recently?
Have I been loving my spouse the way I should?
Have I been kind to my spouse lately?
Am I really a present spouse?
Is my partner happy?
How can I be a better husband or wife?
These questions should be asked from time to time, especially during personal reflections and couples’ time alone.
Don’t think you have it all figured out; keep checking yourselves and call each other to attention occasionally.
5. Lies and infidelity
This is the reason for the failure of many marriages.
Lies will do more harm than good to any form of relationship, not to mention marriage (a “till death do us part” affair).
When lies are discovered, the source loses credibility.
The more couples lie to themselves, the more they disrespect themselves.
Truth should be held in high esteem in marriages.
A disloyal person shouldn’t be made a friend, not to mention being one’s spouse.
Infidelity has ruined many marriages.
No human on earth is void of jealousy when it comes to the one they truly love.
Even babies get jealous when they see you carrying another baby.
Yes! That’s how humans are!
The moment you begin to have extramarital affairs, you put your spouse in pain, and this will gradually break the ties between you two.
And the thing with extramarital affairs is that it can happen at any point in the marriage, even ten years after.
6. Unresolved issues
Some marriages fail after ten years because one partner has taken a lot of shit for so long.
Think of it as the last straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.
If many unresolved issues have been swept under the carpet for so long, it is only a matter of time before the ticking bomb counts down and goes BOOM in everyone’s faces!
This is the case with some marriages that seemed healthy and even enviable until suddenly, a whole can of worms was revealed, and bridges were burnt.
7. Lack of evolution
The only constant thing in life is change, but many times, change is scary.
Our personalities differ, and while some are excited about the adventure that change brings, others are usually in love with their comfort zones.
Compatibility before marriage is very important because a marriage between an ambitious social butterfly and an unambitious recluse would be frustrating, to say the least.
Perhaps this factor affected the couple we examined earlier, apart from the other obvious “shenanigans.”
When a partner is not changing or refusing change, it could make the marriage unbearable and push the other partner to initiate a divorce.
I like to say that my husband and I are in the process and are experiencing evolution in our marriage.
The partner who refuses to improve will eventually become a burden in the relationship.
Some people finally get tired of carrying the excess burden after ten years, and the marriage fails.
How sad!
8 . Undermining counseling
In the 21st century, many couples still don’t value help.
They do not think it is necessary to seek help.
Counseling has saved and healed many marriages.
Counseling can solve sexual issues, financial issues, and many other issues that couples go through.
If Mr A and Mrs. B had explored counseling, their story might have been different.
Counseling shouldn’t even start in marriage; it should start while in courtship.
Counseling reveals your weaknesses and all other loopholes.
No couple should joke with counseling.
A marriage can need help at any point; it is important to get the right help.
If needed, engage the services of a professional marriage counselor or therapist; with their expert help, your marriage may survive the storm.