The decision to get married is a huge one.
You are literally signing up for your life to be changed forever.
Who you marry determines a lot about your life and the trajectory that it takes.
Before you marry someone, there are certain questions you must be able to honestly answer satisfactorily.
These questions will open your mind and help you analyze where you’re at much better.
These questions aim to help you stand firmer in your decision or reevaluate it.
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 12 Questions
1. Do you love each other?
Before you tell me this question is unnecessary, I want you to think about it and answer it first.
I understand why the question may seem unnecessary to you, because, I mean, why would anybody get married to someone they do not love?
Unfortunately, history and time have revealed that some people get married to people that they do not love either because they were forced to or for some other reasons.
You need to honestly be able to respond to the question, “Do I love them?”.
If you begin to hesitate, then something is wrong.
Love is not the only ingredient needed for a marriage to work but it is one of the most important.
When you love someone, you are willing to make things work and surmount challenges, no matter how high.
Love makes you care for each other and commit to nurturing what you share.
Until you can confidently answer this question, do not get married.
2. Do you want to get married?
This is a very valid question.
Marriage is not one of those things you should do simply because you think it’s the next thing on the list.
Maybe you have some form of to-do list and marriage is the next box to tick.
You should only get married if it’s something you desire and want to do.
Not something you see as an obligation or something you’re being forced to engage in.
3. Are you friends?
Friendship is like the glue that keeps couples together.
And these can only be effectively achieved on a platform of friendship and unity.
Not in a master-servant kind of relationship.
If you intend to be a dictator or the person you’re marrying is a dictator to you in any form, you are on the wrong path.
A friendship where mutual honor, respect, and agreement exists is very crucial.
With friendship, communication becomes easier because you both can easily approach even the most challenging and uncomfortable discussions without feeling uneasy.
4. Are you compatible?
Compatibility is a crucial part of any relationship.
To get married to someone, you have to be sure that you are both compatible.
This involves vetting each other’s values, mindsets, beliefs, and ideologies about life and seeing if they tally.
It also involves comparing your personalities, temperaments, and lifestyle to see if it aligns.
This does not mean that you both have to be exactly the same.
What it means is that whatever variations exist between you two, should be things that can be worked around without causing issues.
This will help you build a harmonious life together.
Ask questions about things you’re not sure of and try to be as open as possible as well.
See if your views about intimacy, interdependence, finances, living arrangements, and so on, match theirs.
Do they share your religious beliefs?
Even things as little as daily routines should be evaluated.
5. What are your future plans?
If you’re going on a forever journey with someone then you need to have some form of plan for the future.
What are those plans and does your partner agree with them?
Of course, people change and evolve over the years and plans can change but setting a foundation of agreement helps.
You must be able to confidently answer this question about your future plans, what visions you both have, and where you both see yourselves in the next 3, 5, 15, or 20 years.
6. Do you trust each other?
No relationship or marriage can last or thrive without trust.
This question should be able to be answered both ways.
If mutual trust is lacking in the relationship, then taking it to the level of marriage is of no benefit.
Before proceeding to marry someone, you must be able to honestly say that you have (every) confidence in them and can rely on them without a doubt.
And they should be able to say the same about you.
7. Are you both mature?
Maturity is displayed in various ways and it is crucial for something as major as a marriage.
An immature person should have no business getting married.
This is because when you get married, you are expected to deal with your daily life and challenges with your spouse in healthy ways.
Calling your parents or other people for help should not always be your first resort.
Thus, a high level of maturity from both parties is required.
One of the areas that require maturity is conflict resolution.
Pay attention to how willing you both are to handle issues that arise and find solutions together as a couple.
Your response to disagreements and conflicts says a lot about your maturity level.
8. Are you ready?
In the real sense, you may never feel hundred percent ready for marriage but you can have a solid form of confidence in the level of preparedness you feel.
Answering these questions requires taking a lot of things into consideration and evaluating them.
You have to be ready physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in every other relevant aspect.
Consider what it takes to have a healthy and thriving marriage in your sociological context and evaluate yourself and your partner to see if you have what it takes.
9. Do you want kids?
Children are too important to be handled as an afterthought or a mistake.
I mean, this is a whole life, an individual or even individuals (depending on the number of kids you desire).
You must be able to honestly answer this question about having kids, raising them, and handling the responsibilities.
You should also touch on areas relating to the family dynamics you intend to have.
10. Do your families agree?
While for many people, their family’s support or lack of it, may not mean much, for a lot of others, it does.
If you fall into the second category then you should be able to confidently say that you have your family’s support for your marriage.
In certain cultures and societies, the family’s input in things like getting married is valued and held in very high esteem.
And you can’t deny the fact that sometimes, your family’s disposition and opinion can be very pivotal to your making the right decision.
You need supportive networks and people to lean on.
11. Do you respect each other?
Respect is very crucial in every form of relationship that exists.
A relationship as important as a marriage needs it even more.
You and your potential spouse should have a healthy level of respect for each other.
You should regard each other as important and value your individuality, opinions, and boundaries, even in areas where you don’t agree.
This respect will make you both treat each other with kindness and consideration and this is a very great foundation to start a marriage on.
12. Are there any can of worms?
When it comes to sharing each other’s past, it is a little dicey.
Some past issues can easily be discussed or even left in the past because they don’t hold much significance.
But others are very sensitive and crucial because they have the potential to resurrect and cause issues in the future.
If any of such unresolved issues exist, you must be willing to open up to your partner to address them to avoid them resurfacing to negatively impact your future together.
Settling down to honestly answer these 12 questions will help you gain a better understanding of the journey you are about to take.
These questions will help you assess your level of readiness and even the extent of compatibility.
Speaking with older couples, trusted family and friends, and relationship counselors will further broaden your view and give you more perspective and knowledge.
Don’t forget that marriage is a journey and like every other journey in life, it requires preparation.
It also requires a lot of continuous effort, communication, and understanding.
May you choose right.
May you marry well, in Jesus’ name.