“Should I get married if I have doubts?”
Confession: I had doubts before I got married!
In fact, I had fears.
I had gamophobia—the fear of marriage.
Not that I didn’t want marriage.
I did. I do. Heck, I’m a relationship and marriage writer.
I wanted to get married, but I was afraid—of many things but majorly—what if it didn’t work out?
What if I married the wrong person?
What if this man that crossed many oceans to marry me changed negatively?
But I’ve been married for six years now, and even though it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, I’m enjoying my marriage.
I’m glad I made the decision.
I can’t imagine doing this with someone else.
No doubt, marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life, and it’s natural to have doubts and reservations.
It’s important to take the time to think through your feelings and make sure you’re making the right choice for you.
The question of whether or not to get married when you have doubts is a complex one, with no easy answer.
It involves taking a deep look at your relationship, your values, and your goals, as well as considering the impact on your future happiness and well-being.
To answer your question, “Should I get married when I have doubts,” let’s consider the following:
Should I Get Married If I Have Doubts?
1. Understand that having doubts about marriage is normal.
It is completely normal to have doubts about marriage, even if you are deeply in love with your partner.
The decision to get married is a significant one that will have a profound impact on your life, and it is natural to feel uncertain about whether or not you are making the right choice.
Doubts in marriage are similar to doubts that can arise when making other major life decisions.
Both marriage and other major life decisions involve a degree of risk and uncertainty.
For example, when considering a career change, you may have doubts about whether or not the new field is a good fit for you, or if the career change will negatively impact your finances or work-life balance.
I had a major career change from nursing to psychology.
Even though I knew I was doing the right thing, I had my fears and doubts.
Similarly, when buying a house, you may have doubts about whether or not you can afford it, if the location is suitable for you and your family or if the condition of the house is good enough.
Marriage is a big deal, and it’d be unnatural to not have your doubts.
2. Identify the source of your doubts.
Is your doubt related to the relationship itself or to more general concerns about marriage?
Are you having second thoughts about your partner or are you experiencing doubts about the institution of marriage itself?
Considering the alarming rate of divorce in our current world, it’s no surprise many are afraid of getting married.
In this age of “men are scum” and “marriage is a scam”, singles are skeptical of going into a world of uncertainty.
So, identifying the source of your doubts is an important step in understanding and addressing them.
It will help you understand what is causing your uncertainty and how best to address it.
There are many different sources of doubts in marriage, and it can be a combination of multiple factors.
Some common sources of doubts include:
Fear of losing independence: Many people may have concerns about giving up their independence and freedom once they are married. It’s also one of the reasons men are afraid of commitment.
Financial concerns: Money is a common source of stress in any relationship, and it can be a source of doubt for those who are worried about how they will manage finances as a married couple.
Trust issues: If you or your partner have been hurt in past relationships, it may be difficult to trust that your current relationship will be different.
Incompatibility: Doubts can also stem from concerns about compatibility. You may have doubts about whether or not you and your partner are truly compatible in the long term.
Past experiences: Past experiences, whether it is from family or personal, can also play a role in creating doubts about marriage.
Knowing the source of your doubts will help you address them.
For example, if your doubts stem from financial concerns, you can have open and honest conversations with your partner about finances and create a budget together.
If you have trust issues, have a conversation with your partner about how you can build trust in the relationship.
Also, understanding the source of your doubts will help you determine whether or not they are something that can be worked through or if they are a sign that the relationship may not be right for you.
This will help you make a more informed decision about whether or not to move forward with the marriage.
3. Communicate with your partner.
Communication is key in any relationship, and it is especially important when you are have doubts about getting married.
Having open and honest conversations with your partner about your doubts will help you both better understand each other’s perspective and help you work through your concerns together.
When communicating with your partner about your doubts, be honest and direct, while also being mindful of your partner’s feelings.
Avoiding or sugarcoating your concerns will not help in resolving the issues.
Instead, express your thoughts and feelings clearly and without blame.
Before we got married, I shared my fears with my partner, and he reassured me that we’d be fine.
He said he was willing to do all it takes to make his marriage work, and that alleviated my doubts in no small way.
It’s okay that you’re reading this article but it’s more important to share your concerns with the person you’ll be in the marriage with.
Have these conversations in a neutral, non-confrontational setting where both of you feel comfortable and safe to speak openly.
Make sure you listen to your partner’s perspective.
Your partner may have concerns of their own, and it’s important to take the time to understand and acknowledge them.
No be only you get doubts, like we’d say in Nigerian pidgin English.
So be open to compromise and be willing to work together to find solutions to your concerns.
4. Seek professional counseling.
Seeking professional counseling is a great way to address and work through doubts about marriage.
A therapist or counselor can provide a neutral, non-judgmental space for you and your partner to discuss your concerns and to work through any issues that may be causing your doubts.
They can help you identify the source of your doubts and provide guidance on how to effectively communicate with your partner.
They can also help you and your partner develop coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and uncertainty, and provide you with tools to improve your relationship.
In addition, a therapist can help you and your partner work through any personal issues that may be affecting your relationship, such as past traumas or unresolved emotional baggage.
They will help you identify any patterns of behavior that may be contributing to your doubts, and can provide you with strategies for addressing them.
Sometimes though, couples counseling is not always the solution.
It’s better to work individually with a therapist or counselor to resolve certain issues before trying to work on them as a couple since your doubts are personal.
5. Consider the consequences of not getting married.
To help you decide when you have doubts about marriage, consider the potential consequences of not getting married.
Not getting married can have both positive and negative consequences.
On the positive side, not getting married mean maintaining your independence and freedom, avoiding financial stress and uncertainty, and avoiding the potential for future conflict and disappointment in a relationship.
On the negative side, not getting married can mean missing out on the joys and benefits of being married, such as companionship, shared experiences, and support.
It also means losing the opportunity to build a family and create a life together, dealing with feelings of loneliness, isolation, and regret.
Every relationship and every person is different, and what works for one person may not work for another.
Make the decision that feels right for you and your future.
6. Take time to make your decision.
Do not rush into making a decision.
Take the time you need to evaluate your feelings and make sure you are making the right choice for you.
Marriage is a serious commitment and should not be entered into lightly.
If you have doubts, it may be best to hold off on getting married until you are sure it is the right decision for you.
Also, consider the impact on your partner and other people affected by your decision.
How would your decision not to get married affect your partner and other people in your life?
Is there a way to minimize any negative impact?
Reflect on your relationship history as well.
Do you have a history of being indecisive in your relationships?
Are you approaching this decision with a clear mind?
Then trust your gut.
Ultimately, you are the best judge of your own feelings and what is right for you.
Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to follow your heart.
Most importantly, if you believe in God like me, pray.
Prayer and my faith in God helped calm my fears.
I believed God loved me and wanted the best for me.
He wouldn’t watch me walk into a marriage that would destroy me.
This made me to pray about every man I ever dated.
I knew God would help me to make the best decision, and I did!