There are about 8 billion people in the world at the time of writing this article.
So, the possibility that we would fall for crappy people once in a while is high.
Nobody knows 8 billion people, but still, we must have met some bad people in our lives, whether we dated them or not.
Therefore, it is not out of place to say that we may have dated one or two bad people.
However, if that is your usual style, then that is a problem worth investigating.
As much as there are people who are not worth a dime in this world, we also have many decent people.
If you keep falling for or you keep attracting the wrong men, then you need to look within: something is likely wrong.
In this article, I will help you with the reasons you are likely attracting the wrong men, so you can see which applies to you.
Without further ado, let’s check them out.
9 Reasons You Keep Attracting The Wrong Men
1. You Attract Who You Are
I am sure you want to know the truth, right?
If you do, then we need to be brutally honest.
Here’s the hard truth: sometimes we don’t attract what we want, we attract what we are – especially if that is all we attract.
Now, note that I already mentioned that it is not surprising if you attract one or two bad people, but if that’s all you attract, there is a possibility you are attracting your kind.
I am sorry if this is harsh.
The world works in such a way that we don’t always attract more than what we see in the mirror.
So, if you’re still carrying emotional wounds, insecurities, or unresolved baggage, you’ll naturally draw in people who mirror that energy.
You are not being punished; that’s fortunately or unfortunately how the universe works, depending on how you look at it.
The good news, however, is that you don’t have to be stuck in that cycle.
Once you start working on becoming the kind of partner you want, your “type” will change, too.
Once you elevate yourself, you will elevate your standards.
2. You Have Low Self-Esteem
Another reason you likely attract the wrong men is that you think that’s what you deserve.
When you don’t believe you deserve better, you settle for less – it’s as simple as that.
Low self-esteem can make you overlook red flags, accept crumbs, and stay in situations that don’t serve you, because you’re thinking, “Maybe this is the best I can get”.
But let me be the first to tell you if you haven’t heard this before; it’s not.
You deserve a love that’s nourishing, respectful, and steady.
However, to get that, you must believe it deep down.
The higher you value yourself, the less tolerance you’ll have for men who come with empty promises and bare minimum effort.
Raise your self-worth, and you’ll naturally raise your standards.
3. You Are Afraid Of Being Single
Being single can be scary, especially when you are of a certain age bracket.
I completely understand because when I was single and everybody was coupling up around me, I couldn’t help thinking that something was wrong with me.
And to worsen the situation, society doesn’t help by actually making us feel that we must be broken somewhere.
So, I understand you.
However, you must not let pressure push you into what’s wrong for you.
The sad thing is that society is not equally forgiving if you end up broken because of a relationship.
Therefore, you need to do what’s best for you.
You don’t grab the first thing you see on the shelf, even if it’s expired, so why do that for your relationship?
If you do, it’s no wonder you end up with men who are wrong for you.
Fear-based choices rarely lead to good outcomes.
When you’re afraid of being alone and desperate for a relationship, you’re more likely to tolerate bad behavior just to have someone.
As difficult as I admit it is, we must still learn to embrace singleness as a season of growth and self-love, not punishment.
The right man will find you in your elevated, healed, and happy state.
4. You Have A Savior Complex
This is something many women suffer from – a savior complex, where you feel you can change a man, or you are different from other women.
There is a trending news story in my part of the world, where a well-known philandering celebrity divorced his wife, who has put up with him for years, and almost immediately, proposed to another woman.
This new woman was all over the internet, feeling like her situation would be different from the ex-wife.
She probably thinks she has the ability to fix him.
But that’s where many women miss it; you cannot fix anybody – you are not the Holy Spirit, nor are you a rehabilitation center.
If you find yourself constantly drawn to “broken” men you feel you can fix, I am talking about you.
I understand that it might feel noble to want to heal someone else, but relationships aren’t supposed to be charity projects.
Your love life shouldn’t be about rescuing your lover; it is emotionally draining, and not to mention, you might not succeed.
You’re a queen deserving of an emotionally available, responsible man; it’s not your job to fix a man’s trauma, addictions, or toxic patterns.
Focus on finding someone who’s already doing the work on himself, not someone who expects you to do it for him.
5. You Are Looking In The Wrong Place
Think about it, do you shop for groceries in a hardware store?
No, you don’t, because you know you won’t find what you’re looking for there.
The same thing applies to love.
If you’re consistently meeting men in places or environments that don’t align with your values, like toxic nightlife scenes, sketchy dating apps, or friend groups where no one takes relationships seriously, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.
Good men exist, but you might need to change your surroundings to find them.
You need to start showing up where people who share your goals and values hang out.
Trust me, location matters more than you think.
I know there are one or two people who have found true love in a sketchy place, but those are rare occurrences, and you can’t bank your love life on a chance.
If you want a higher possibility, then you need to follow the rules, not the exceptions.
6. You Enter Relationships The Wrong Way
Starting a relationship based solely on chemistry, attraction, or loneliness without taking time to build a real foundation is like building a house on sand – it’s doomed to collapse.
I know you want to be loved up, but please slow down.
Get to know a man’s character before rushing into a relationship with him.
Time reveals everything, so give it time.
You miss crucial red flags when you rush into things without asking the hard questions or observing how he handles real-life challenges.
So, take your time and be intentional about getting to know the person.
Also, if you keep falling into relationships with men with messy relationship histories, like the case of the new lady with the celebrity I mentioned earlier, or your relationships are always from side-chick to main chick, don’t be surprised that you keep falling for broken men.
Again, you are not special; if he treated his former woman like sh*t, he will do the same thing to you.
Stop wasting your time with such men.
Find a man the normal way, go on dates to get to know him, and then you can decide if he’s worth boyfriend status.
7. You Don’t Know What To Look Out For
If you don’t know what you want – or worse, what to avoid – you’re basically running blind.
It’s not enough to say you want a “good man,” you need to define what good actually looks like for you.
Are you just looking for a man who can take over your bills, or are you looking for a quality man who can communicate well, handle conflict maturely, and share your values?
Now, I am not saying a rich guy or a good-looking guy cannot have these qualities, but his money or good looks can’t be all he’s got going for him.
You need to have a clear vision of what being a good man is, or you’ll likely keep falling for surface-level charm instead of deep, lasting qualities.
Sit down and make a real list – not of superficial traits – but of the behaviors, habits, and values that matter most to your future self.
Will your future self thank you when you have a handsome philanderer or an average-looking, kind man?
This is a question to ask yourself and answer honestly.
8. You Choose What’s Familiar
Unfortunately, many stick to what’s familiar, rather than what’s good for them.
For instance, if you grew up around dysfunctional or toxic relationships, chaos might feel like home, even when it hurts you.
Without realizing it, you might keep choosing the same type of men because they feel comfortable.
If you want to change this cycle, you need self-awareness and intentional healing.
Understand that you’re allowed to want better; you don’t have to be with what feels familiar.
Yes, you might feel uncomfortable at first when you experience healthy love, but that discomfort doesn’t mean something’s wrong.
Stick with it and you will soon get used to healthy love.
9. You Like Drama
While I would never understand this, I have met women who like drama.
Peace is boring to them; they’d rather have the highs and lows and the fights, followed by intense makeups of toxic relationships.
So, they are constantly seeking men who put them on emotional rollercoasters.
Honestly, if you are like this, you shouldn’t be wondering why you keep attracting the wrong men – you already have your answer: you like it.
When you are ready to change, you will understand that that’s not real love.
Real love is not chaotic; it is calm, safe, and consistent.
This doesn’t mean they don’t fight, but they don’t feed on it, so nobody is fighting just because.
They only fight because they genuinely disagree, and they always seek a way to resolve it.
So, if you enjoy drama, you will stay in that cycle of dating the wrong men.
To break free, you must work on yourself and find enjoyment in stability, security, and the simple joy of peace.