Skip to Content

Should I Tell My Husband I Know He Cheated?

Should I Tell My Husband I Know He Cheated?

Sharing is caring!

Cheating on one’s spouse is an utterly selfish move.  Ask me why? Good!

When a man cheats on his wife, he hurts her in several ways that words might not fully express.

One of these ways is making her have to go through the dilemma of deciding if, when or how to escalate her discovery when she finds out.

I guess this is why some cheaters chant that the rule is not to get caught.

Caught or not,  exposed or not, the implications of cheating on your spouse, wife, in this case, abound.

As a woman whose husband cheated on you, I can only imagine the confusion that such discovery must have put you in.

You gaze at him in his sleep and wonder how he can look so innocent while consciously stabbing you in the back.

His blameless demeanour probably throws you off-balance, and you are at a loss as to what to do with your findings and evidence.

You do not know what to expect as a reaction from him if and when you confront him.

Will he go defensive on you?

Will he blame you for snooping?

Will he blatantly lie in the face of evidence?

Will he be unfazed and unashamedly admitted to cheating?

Will he break down in tears and beg for your forgiveness?

Many scenarios play out in your head, and the more you meditate on it, the more you wonder if telling him you know he cheated is a wise decision. 

I believe you should, notwithstanding.

How and when you should tell him should definitely be a concern.

However, you should tell him.

We will be exploring reasons for telling him in the highlighted points below;

6 Reasons You Should Tell Your Husband You Know He Cheated 

  1. You get to free yourself from carrying the burden of the known secret.

Should I tell my husband I know he cheated?

Yes, I think it’s unfair enough that your husband cheated on you.

Having to carry the weight of your findings and still having to interact with him as you would if all was well is a greater unfair treatment, especially if you are not good at pretending and keeping secrets.

He is the one who should be ashamed and sneaky because of his deeds, and not you.

The hurt of watching him act like he is a saint while disrespecting your marital vows may push you to misbehave if you refuse to speak out.

Holding it all in for too long may aggravate your anger and resentment towards him.

You may take your time before bringing it up, but that period should be for strategizing.

No matter the outcome of the confrontation, it is a crucial step to take.

  1. You know where the marriage stands.

Should I tell my husband I know he cheated?

There is no point in living a lie because you do not want to tell your husband you are aware he cheated and want to hoard your discovery.

I think telling him what you know and whatever happens after that will allow you to understand better where the marriage stands.

Does he deserve your forgiveness? Do you need a break? Are you getting a divorce? Are you both going to try the fix the marriage? Etc.

You may think you have made your decision even before confronting him.

However, the outcome of the conversation with him will help you make a better and well-informed decision.

This is not a good time to make assumptions.

  1. You get to hear his reasons.

Should I tell my husband I know he cheated

Yes, there is no justifiable reason for your husband to have cheated on you.

However, having an open-minded conversation with him might shed some light on what he feels is lacking in the marriage that made him commit adultery.

This will answer the questions that must have been plaguing your mind since you found out.

You must have been wondering if you have not been a good wife if you have lost your beauty, if he has lost interest in you; these and many other self-blaming thoughts would have been roaming the streets of your mind.

Hearing from the horse’s mouth will probably provide answers to these questions.

Just know that whatever he spews, cheating on you should have never been an option.

His reasons do not justify his actions, but they explain it.

They help you to understand the part you played in it. You simply get to find out what led them to it.

  1. You get closure.Should I tell my husband I know he cheated?

If this is the end of your marriage, having a conversation with your husband gives you a closure.

You get to find out how and when things went wrong.

This closure will certainly help you heal and fare better in future relationships. Leaving the marriage without closure is like trying to forge ahead while being weighed down by a  yoke from the past.

Your healing is greatly dependent on the closure this conversation gives you.

  1. Makes you know what you can take in a marriage

The outcome of your telling your husband can open your eyes to your deal breakers in marriage.

You become more self-aware and realise how you refuse to be treated subsequently.

It might bring you to a state of epiphany whereby you now fully know if infidelity is one of the things you can put up with in marriage.

  1. He will probably be a better husband.

He Said Love You Instead of I Love You'The guilt of what your husband has done to you and your marriage may bring about a paradigm shift in your marriage.

If he is remorseful and regretful, what he does with his remorse and guilt may favour your marriage.

He may turn a new leaf if he realises that now that you know, you may leave and that continuing his extramarital affair is not worth losing his marriage for.


Telling your husband that you know about his infidelity may be tremendously difficult, but it has to be done if the marriage is to be fixed or discarded.

Carefully plan your confrontation and keep your evidence so that you do not lose your case and are gaslighted when you fail to provide adequate proof to back up your claim.

Some marriages have turned out better after an episode of infidelity, thanks to the steps they both took after the affair.

If you decide not to disclose to your husband that you are aware that he cheated on you, living with him with resentment may turn the tables around and make you the villain in the marriage.

This is because you are more prone to misusing the information you have.

Can you still live with him in love, even though you are not oblivious to what he did or is probably still doing? 


Sharing is caring!