Growing up, I had two close friends.
As usual, parents and guardians came to pick up their wards after the school day, so there was nothing spectacular about that.
But I remember this because of the dad of one of my friends, who always looked sullen and rarely responded to our greetings.
As per the culture, we often accompanied the friends whose parents came first to say hi to them.
However, this man rarely responded to us warmly, and I remember my friend avoiding taking us to him after a while.
As a child, I didn’t understand what was going on, but years later, when I learned that he had gone through a messy divorce, I suspected he must have been going through a difficult time and was perhaps bitter.
I wouldn’t know if his wife knew he was bitter before the divorce, but I do know that bitterness is not always obvious.
Sometimes, you have to be extra observant to see it, especially if you are involved.
You know how it can be difficult to see what’s right under your nose when you are involved in a situation.
So, a fresh eye might help you know if your husband is bitter.
That being said, let’s go straight to the signs.
6 Signs of a Bitter Husband
1. Consistent Arguments
Arguments are typical and expected in marriage because you and your husband have different backgrounds and perspectives on life.
You are bound to see things from different lenses and argue about your perspective.
So, when you and your husband argue often, it is not an issue in itself.
However, when your husband constantly raises arguments, especially over insignificant matters, he is likely bitter.
Also, when you argue with someone you love, you will likely see it is about the issue.
You are both trying to explain your point and make the person see the other side.
So, in most cases – except when it gets heated – the argument can be controlled.
But an argument between people who don’t love each other – or, in this context, where one party is bitter – will often turn heated and abusive.
You will know the difference from the tone, use of words and desire to override your opinion and idea.
I once came across a study that says one sign your husband is bitter is that he is always looking for a fight.
This is not so surprising when you remember that hurt people hurt people.
Because he is sad, he will want to make sure you feel the same way he does by bringing up fights about things that don’t matter and shouldn’t cause an altercation.
2. He Withdraws Intimacy
Intimacy is the fuel of every marriage.
I have to agree.
What’s the point of being in a marriage when there is no intimacy?
Now, before I go further, let me say that I am talking about emotional intimacy, not physical intimacy.
Although physical intimacy is necessary in a marriage, without that emotional connection, it might as well be casual sex.
Also, the reason I am concentrating on emotional intimacy is because some men might not withdraw physical intimacy even when they are not in tune with their wives.
For some, it is merely a physical activity to let off steam.
But you will hardly be bitter with someone and still be emotionally connected to them.
So, this is probably the biggest sign that your husband is bitter.
A bitter person does not want to have any form of intimacy with their partner because it takes feeling good about someone to share yourself emotionally with them.
Nobody shares their heart with someone they are not happy with or who causes them pain.
So, when you notice your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you, talk to you, share details about his life, or tell you things, he is likely withdrawing from you.
And yes, in some extreme cases, a bitter husband can go as far as withdrawing physical intimacy from the wife.
Or worse, he uses her to get off and doesn’t care about her satisfaction.
3. He Is Passive-Aggressive
Many people probably agree that it is better to confront an issue directly instead of showing indirect aggression.
Despite that, a lot of people cannot help themselves when they are bitter.
More often than not, it shows in the way they become passive-aggressive.
This happens because they are not ready to confront their bitterness – I mean, that’s why we are talking about this in the first place.
If your husband were willing to come straight to tell you he is bitter, you wouldn’t need to read this to identify it.
So, most people hide their feelings, but feelings are like smoke; they cannot be hidden.
When a person feels sour about another, even if they don’t directly open up, it shows in their demeanor and how they relate to the person.
That’s what happens when a husband is bitter.
The wife will see that he will indirectly express negative feelings or aggression instead of communicating directly.
He will also likely evade issues and give backhanded or sarcastic comments.
When a man starts showing these signs, he tends to be bitter, which is the only way to express it to you.
4. You Make All the Efforts
Marriage is a two-way thing, and it takes two people to tango.
Plus, there’s a unique sense of joy, trust, and reassurance that comes from knowing you’re not alone in a journey.
In an ideal situation, your husband should make efforts like you are.
He should contribute to making the marriage work and try to make you happy as his wife, just as you are.
For instance, you should both set goals and achieve them irrespective of life challenges and hurdles, and you should support each other through them all.
A friend who studied psychology once told me that a man’s psychological framework allows him to want to provide and go all out for his loved ones and family.
So when a man does otherwise, something is wrong somewhere.
This is not about making money alone – even though it’s part of it – because a man can make money and not contribute to the home because he wants to punish his wife.
It is more of an overall sense of responsibility that you are a significant part of your marriage and should do all you can to ensure its health.
That should be financially, emotionally, mentally, and in every other area.
So, a man who is not contributing in any of these ways and leaves everything to his wife is likely bitter.
Your willingness to make it work is one significant attribute that shows you love someone.
It is that you are fully committed to your relationship with them.
When this is lacking, something is wrong.
5. He Doesn’t Respect You
When some people talk about respect in marriage, they often assume that only the man should be respected.
Besides this kind of thinking being hogwash, loving someone without respecting them is impossible.
So, one good sign someone doesn’t love you is that he will not respect you.
Even if your husband is a traditional man, loving you will automatically make him respect you – whether he knows it or not.
So, if he isn’t respecting you, chances are he doesn’t care about you, which could be because he is bitter.
Disrespect can show in different ways, including openly criticizing you, ignoring your opinion, and invalidating you.
Of course, there are more traits of disrespect, but these are a few that clearly show your husband doesn’t have good feelings toward you.
6. He Constantly Criticizes You
You will never be enough for someone bitter.
Remember how I said earlier that hurt people hurt people?
So, because he is unhappy, he will make sure you don’t have peace, either.
You will find such a man criticizing everything you do—even things he didn’t used to have an issue with.
For instance, he can start nitpicking your cooking, how you dress, how you wear your hair, your favorite TV show, and every other random thing that shouldn’t matter to him ordinarily.
Trust me, anything is fair game when it comes to criticism for a bitter spouse.
You might even wonder why he is having issues with a particular thing because, to you, it shouldn’t be that big a deal.
You are right.
It is not the thing he has issues with; it is you.
And since you are involved, everything you do will be scrutinized and criticized.