Because I have a large friendship circle, I’m privileged to have been on the deciding committee for many relationships, and I still am.
Don’t laugh; I take my job very seriously.
My girlfriends and I talk to each other about men and our feelings, and we help each other make the best decisions (I hope, lol).
And as a privileged member of this committee, believe me when I tell you that if you think being in love is all that is needed for a relationship to work, please think again.
I’ve seen one too many times how one or the other of my friends was in love with a guy, but it just didn’t work out between them.
Sad right?
Far from it.
It wasn’t a sad story at all because, given the circumstances and how things went, we all knew that if they had continued in the relationship, it would have ended in disaster.
They say that love is blind, but sometimes it’s also a little bit deaf and stubborn.
Sometimes, people keep pushing a relationship and forcing it to work simply because of “love.”
Even when you see obvious red flags, you shake them off because relationships have rough patches, right?
But what if the “rough patch” has become the whole road?
This blog post is not about telling you to break up or stay together; it’s about helping you figure out what’s really going on.
Are you holding on to a ship that’s not holding you back?
Or is your love story simply in need of a better chapter?
It’s important to know because sometimes, love alone isn’t enough to make things work, and that’s okay.
So, grab a cup of tea and a notebook, and let me, with my wealth of experience, help you shed light on this love that feels so right but might be going so wrong.
In the end, you’ll have a better idea of whether to fight for your relationship or find peace in letting go.
8 Signs You Are in Love But The Relationship Is Not Working
1. You’re always fighting
Relationship fights are sometimes sweet.
When it’s a little argument or even a big one but nothing personal or deeply hurtful, it flows gradually into beautiful makeup.
Can we talk for a minute about makeup sex?
How hot, sizzling, and wonderful it is!
I’m talking to the married folks here though, because if you’re not married, then I don’t believe you should be having sex.
But I digress; let’s get back on track.
But when they become the order of the day, something is quite wrong.
You can’t be bickering at each other day and night over both little and big things and think it’s normal.
No, it’s not.
Your life shouldn’t be characterized by storms.
Every couple has arguments and off days, but if the bad moments start outweighing the good ones, it’s a sign your relationship may be draining more than it’s fulfilling.
In Gen Z terms, The relationship is no longer “relationship-ing.”
Love should bring joy, not leave you emotionally exhausted every other day.
So, if you find yourself spending more time being upset than happy and seeing your happy days as distant memories, love might still be there, but compatibility definitely isn’t.
2. You have different values
Apart from love, some important things have to be in place for a relationship to work.
Values are one of those things.
You might feel lovestruck, but are you like-minded?
This is super important because two can’t walk together unless they agree.
You might not agree on many things, and that may be fine and not affect your relationship in any way, but there are certain areas where agreement is required.
If your core beliefs, the things that matter to you most and are closest to your heart in life, are quite the opposite for your partner, you might be sailing on dangerous waters.
What am I saying? You might not even be sailing at all.
Because you both will be driven by different convictions and it’s impossible to move a ship forward when two captains are moving in opposite directions.
3. Family issues
Sometimes, I wish that when we love someone, we don’t have to deal with their family.
I know that’s an extreme thing to wish for, but I’m just being real.
Because, quite honestly, family can be such a hindrance in many love stories.
But you have to be honest with yourself.
Is that the case with you?
If you’re in a relationship where your family or that of your partner is opposing the union, you may want to pause a bit.
Especially if either of you can’t stand up to their family and put their foot down.
The influence of the family can wreck that relationship if you let it, believe me.
If you find that you’re constantly dealing with family opposition and there’s no permanent solution to it, you might be hitting a dead end.
4. You’re from different social classes
It’s 2024 and you’d think that people should have gone past defining other people by their social status but that’s not the case.
The people in our world are getting shallower in their thinking every day.
Many people still define others by their level of financial success, and some even choose friends and romantic partners based on that factor.
A relationship where one person feels either too big or too small compared to the other will have a lot of issues.
If you’re so much of an Alpha and Omega, then you should just stick to finding someone who shares your divine status.
A relationship where both parties don’t have a partner’s mindset is very unlikely to work.
5. You’re not comfortable with each other
If you feel like every conversation with your partner is a presentation, or if you have to rehearse what you’re going to say 10 times in your head to avoid “setting them off,” that’s not love; that’s stress with a sprinkle of anxiety.
I already have a lot to be anxious about in life; I can’t deal with adding my relationship to the list.
If your partner, who should feel like a safe space instead, has you constantly worrying about how best to talk to them and their reactions, something is not right.
I know a lady who claims to love her man to pieces, but every time she brings up anything remotely serious, like their future plans, that man either shuts her down or gets defensive.
She told me that she once casually asked about meeting his parents, and he snapped at her in a way that no one had ever done her entire life, asking her why she always pressures him.
I’m sorry, but that is not love.
Even if she may argue that it is, it’s not healthy love, the kind that is required for a relationship to work.
If you’re more afraid of triggering your partner than being yourself around them, it’s a red flag.
6. You always come last
A love that always makes your needs take the back seat is not likely to work.
Yes, love is about compromise, but when you’re always the one compromising, it can feel less like love and more like an unpleasant sacrifice.
If the other person’s needs, desires, or choices always take precedence, it’s time to sit down and ask each other important questions, such as whether you’re in a relationship or a one-person show.
You can’t love a person so much that you agree to everything they want, where you both eat, how you spend weekends, and even the movies you watch.
On the other hand, they never ask what you want, and if you ever voice your needs, they somehow push them aside.
Such a relationship can not work.
I know this because when one person constantly feels invisible, over time, resentment will start building up.
It is very possible to love someone yet still feel frustrated being with them if your needs are never met.
A healthy relationship is about give-and-take, not give-and-give-and-give or take-and-take-and-take.
7. You’re growing apart
It’s amazing how love can bring people together, but also interesting how growth can pull them apart.
When a couple begins to grow in different directions, the strength of what they share is threatened.
It’s possible to grow individually within a relationship and still ensure your growth aligns with each other’s vision.
If your partner feels more like a stranger than your teammate, chances are you’re on different paths.
For instance, one person can not be climbing the corporate ladder, taking courses to upgrade their skills, and dreaming of traveling the world while the other is perfectly content in their comfort zone.
Soon, it’ll be clear that they have very different futures, and if you force such a relationship, it’ll feel like dragging a rock uphill.
Loving someone doesn’t mean you’re destined to walk the same path.
If your visions for the future clash more often than they align, it’s a sign the relationship isn’t serving both of you.
Be okay with letting go, because if one person sacrifices their dreams for the other, it may create a sour taste in the future.
8. You’re still lonely
Loneliness in a relationship is one of the clearest signs something isn’t working.
When you’re with the one you love, you should feel seen, happy, and content.
Anything short of this is below the barest minimum.
If you feel more connected to your favorite book or TV series than to your partner, I dare say that it’s worth investigating.
Perhaps every time you spend time together, they seem distracted, scrolling through their phone, watching a video online, or lost in their thoughts.
Soon enough, the person being ignored will start to feel like a piece of furniture, feeling lonelier with their partner than when they’re alone, and the worst part is that the partner may still not notice.
Frustrating right?
I know.
So you see that being in love doesn’t automatically mean a relationship will work, and that’s one of the toughest lessons to learn.
Love is just the foundation; it needs to be built upon.
The building requires effort and respect from both parties.
That’s how to make a building that will last.
If you’ve seen yourself in any of these signs, don’t ignore them.
They resonated with you for a reason, take time to think about it, then talk about it with your partner and decide whether your relationship needs work or if it’s time to walk away with your head held high.
Because at the end of the day, a relationship is not about staying in one place where you’re unhappy; it’s about finding a love that helps you bloom.
And sometimes, letting go of what isn’t working is the bravest, most loving thing you can do for yourself.
If it’s sabotaging you, please move; you’re not a tree.