No matter how much our generation tries to normalize divorce and unhappy marriages, it will never be normal.
Seeing two people who care deeply about and are totally smitten by each other get married, hoping to live happily ever after, only to lose those feelings as time passes will always hurt.
It gets so bad sometimes that these people become roommates and just stop trying.
It’s somewhat easier when both parties want out and choose just to walk away, but sometimes that is not the case.
A wife may lose feelings for her husband; sometimes it’s the other way: the husband may lose feelings for his wife.
We’ll consider the reasons for the latter in this article.
8 Reasons Many Men No Longer Have Feelings For Their Wives
1. The men got bored
If a lot of intentionality isn’t put into a marriage, it will get boring.
It’s the same as everything you do continually and routinely.
It’s easy for feelings to be maintained when the relationship is fresh and butterflies are the order of the day.
But when life begins to happen, it takes a lot of intentionality for the enchantment and fascination to remain.
It is so easy for the dreamy feelings felt at the beginning of a relationship or marriage to be snatched by bills, crying babies, dealing with in-laws, and handling disappointments at work.
Romance will quickly run out of the window.
A man who never had a solid foundation for his feelings towards his wife will quickly lose the feelings he has for her when real life begins to happen.
Love has to be taken care of and nurtured every waking day!
2. They want more
“Men are polygamous in nature”
Sounds familiar?
I’m sure I am not the only person who keeps hearing people say this, especially whenever the topic of promiscuous or cheating men is brought up.
I’m not about to debate the validity of that statement, but people are different and have different social constructs that they subscribe to.
Men who belong to societies that believe that school of thought or similar schools of thought soon find themselves losing attraction and love for their wives after some time.
This happens because they are “tired” of being with just one woman and believe they are entitled to more.
Our minds are so powerful that they can even control how we feel and what we see as normal.
Men who subscribe to polygamy will easily have roving eyes and because there are so many attractive women out there, they soon find themselves feeling disenchanted with their wives.
3. No more sexiness/sex
You knew I was going to get here, didn’t you?
This article would have a huge vacuum if this wasn’t mentioned.
We all know that men love sex.
Virtually every biologically active human being does and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Expressing sexuality and enjoying the experience of sex in marriage is one of the beauties that lie there.
I may not have conducted any research, but from biology and the study of hormones, I know that most men are more sexually active and stronger than most women.
This is why, many times, if there is an issue with the sex in a marriage, the woman may be more willing to endure than the man would.
What am I saying?
If sexually active and healthy men are constantly being starved of sex in marriage, especially for no cogent reason, they can easily become embittered and lose the romantic feelings they have for their wives.
Many things will go wrong.
Before blaming them, try putting yourself in their shoes and truthfully ask yourself what a marriage is without sex.
Sometimes, the whole sex may not have walked out the door, but the charm and sexiness the woman exuded may have.
Some men can barely recognize the woman they married because of how much she has gotten comfortable and let herself go.
Is comfort bad?
No.
Should people let the spice and fun leave their marriage because of their desire for comfort?
Also no.
The balance has to be found.
4. Love bombing
One amusing irony I learned lately is that it is possible to hold on to love so tightly that it suffocates.
Needy wives can make their husbands lose feelings for them.
Hold on, I’ll explain.
The perfect way to express this is by sharing the analogy I once heard a therapist give.
She said that there are pint-size-cup people and teacup people in life.
Pint-size cup people can pour a lot of love into people and also require a lot of love in return.
Meanwhile, teacup people have little capacity to give love and require just a little love; they can easily get overwhelmed or bombed when given an excessive amount of love.
Combine a teacup husband with a pint-size cup wife; what do you get?
An unbalanced combo.
The wife is not wrong for giving love but she may easily come off as being needy, demanding, obsessed, or clumsy.
She may be seen as acting obsessed with the marriage, or she may actually be obsessed in reality, and this can create a poisonous environment and eventually make her husband overwhelmed or irritated.
5. Nagging women
I’d be honest; I didn’t know just how much men hated nagging from women until I had a conversation with a male friend of mine recently.
We were discussing red flags and deal breakers, and what he said shocked me.
He said in his opinion, nagging is a form of abuse to him and if it’s continuous, it’s a valid reason for him to divorce a woman.
When we think about it well, a nagging partner can quickly make one’s life a nightmare.
No doubt, nagging is one of the primary reasons why many men no longer have feelings for their wives.
6. Wives forgetting to be wives
General life changes like becoming a mum could be responsible for this.
Having kids is a huge responsibility, and it changes your life forever.
In most cases, the woman’s life gets “disrupted” or changed more than the man’s.
It’s so easy for women to turn all their affection to their children and forget to be wives to their husbands.
I often won’t even blame them because motherhood is a humongous responsibility.
However, this can quickly negatively affect the connection in the marriage.
The man can feel forgotten and isolated; if this goes on for long, it can erode romantic feelings.
7. Change
“There is nothing permanent except change.” Heraclitus
People evolve and change over time, which can be positive or negative.
What change does if it’s not managed well is that it can quickly change compatibility to incompatibility.
And so all of the things that aligned a couple before – whether real compatibility or perceived compatibility due to the blindness of new love – may change, and both parties now begin to clash.
Suddenly, the man starts to notice new things about his wife that weren’t there or he didn’t see.
They are no longer the perfect match, and feelings begin to diminish.
8. Unmet expectations
When people’s relationship or marriage does not pan out as expected, they respond in one of two ways.
Some people feel disappointed for some time, then embrace their reality eventually and find ways to make things work.
Another category of people hold on to their expectations and wallow in the disappointment of their reality falling short of their forecast.
Men in the second category gradually lose feelings for their wives when things don’t go as expected.
They have a picture in their heads created by their fantasies, culture, or ideology; if their marriage does not mirror that picture, their heart is not in it.
Sometimes, these expectations are unrealistic and almost impossible to meet.
Men in this category are almost irredeemable.
They will only create an unhealthy atmosphere in their marriage if they recognize the flaws in their mindset.
At the end of the day, the reasons why men no longer have feelings for their wives are vast and they differ depending on the individuals and the marriage concerned.
Because these reasons are unique, they require unique attention and customized solutions.
There are no cookie-cutter approaches for these things.
The hiccup causing a decline in romantic feelings must be identified and eliminated.