There is no fear in love.
If you are in a relationship in which your partner triggers feelings of fear or apprehension in you, you are most likely in an unhealthy relationship as this is not normal.
You should respect each other, but there should be no reason for fear.
Respect and fear are two very different things.
Respect is based on admiration, while fear is based on apprehension or anxiety.
In a healthy relationship, partners should respect each other’s opinions, boundaries, and choices.
They should feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment or retaliation.
On the other hand, fear can create an unhealthy dynamic of control and domination.
I think it’s very important to differentiate between respect and fear in a relationship.
How do you know if you are afraid of your partner?
10 Signs You Are Scared of Your Partner
1. You can’t disagree with them
Fear of disagreeing with them is one clear sign of being afraid of one’s partner.
If you are forced to agree with all your partner’s opinions even though you do not consider them the best, then you are probably afraid of them.
You might be afraid to disagree with them because you are worried about their reaction which is usually very unpalatable.
It suggests that they probably do not give you the option of expressing your own views.
It’s important to be comfortable with one’s partner and have an easy-going relationship without being afraid to disagree.
In fact, I think it’s healthy to have some level of disagreement and conflict in a relationship.
It shows that both people are expressing their own needs and opinions, and it’s an opportunity to learn and grow together.
A relationship that deprives you of such an opportunity is unhealthy for you.
2. You feel unsafe around them
Both physical and emotional safety are crucial for a healthy relationship.
There are a lot of reasons you might not feel safe around your partner.
It could be due to physical violence, emotional abuse, or any other kind of abuse.
It could also be due to your partner’s controlling behavior, like isolating you from friends and family, or monitoring and dictating your activities.
It could even be due to more subtle things, like your partner’s negative or critical attitude.
All of these things can make one feel unsafe and afraid.
If this is you, then you may need to reconsider your relationship with your partner.
You deserve a partner who protects you and not one who, either actively or passively threatens your emotional and physical safety.
Not feeling emotionally safe means not having the freedom to be open, honest, and vulnerable with your partner, and this could cause a lot of problems down the road.
3. You blame yourself for your partner’s faults
When you are afraid of your partner’s reaction, you might try to take all the blame to avoid conflict.
You might think that if you take responsibility for everything, your partner won’t get angry or upset.
This is called “walking on eggshells,” and it’s a really unhealthy dynamic in a relationship.
It can lead to a lot of resentment and frustration.
This is a tricky one because it can be really hard to know where the line is between taking responsibility for one’s actions and blaming oneself for things that aren’t one’s fault.
However, if you find yourself constantly taking responsibility for not only your errors but also your partner’s while telling yourself that you want “peace to reign”, you probably do not know what true peace is.
Peace is not the absence of conflict.
It is the outcome of your actions in the midst of the conflict.
4. You feel the need to hide a part of yourself to please them
What I’m referring to here is called “hiding in plain sight.”
This is when you are afraid to show your true self to your partner, so you hide who you really are.
You probably put on a front, or try to be the person that you think your partner wants you to be.
This can happen for a lot of reasons, like fear of rejection or abandonment.
But it’s not a healthy way to be in a relationship.
If your partner’s behavior creates an environment of fear and insecurity in the relationship, there may be the possibility of you pretending to be what you are not.
For example, if your partner constantly criticizes your looks, it can make you feel the need to always appear flawless before them, like always wearing make-up, constantly putting on compression belts to hide your tummy, always putting on a cap to hide your baldness, etc.
The same goes for things like controlling or manipulative behavior.
If someone is always trying to control their partner’s actions or thoughts, it can create a lot of fear and apprehension which will in turn lead to an absence of genuineness and authenticity in the relationship.
5. You always feel the need to earn their love
If you always feel that you are not deserving of your partner’s love, such that you find yourself trying to do things to earn their love, then you are probably afraid of them.
You see them as a helper who you owe a lot.
It can be a sign of fear.
When you feel like you have to earn your partner’s love constantly, it creates a lot of insecurity, insufficiency, and uncertainty.
You might feel like you have to keep doing more and more, or you might get kicked out of the relationship.
Do not get me wrong; every relationship requires effort to keep it going.
However, in a normal relationship, love is already established and the efforts are not one-sided.
Therefore, efforts are not being made to buy love, but to show love.
6. You always have to displease other loved ones to please them
You may be afraid of your partner if you always have to get on the wrong side of your other loved ones just to please them.
You offend and fall out with people who have always been there for you because you are afraid of disagreeing with your partner.
They make you do things that affect your social interactions with other people in your life and you cannot challenge them.
7. You feel constantly criticized and put down
If you observe that your partner talks down on you and does nothing but criticize and scrutinize your every move, and you cannot stand up to him, it is a sign that you are afraid of him.
Yes, that’s definitely a red flag.
If you’re constantly being put down and you feel like you can’t speak up for yourself, it’s a sign that there’s something very wrong in the relationship.
You should never feel like you have to tiptoe around your partner or walk on eggshells.
A healthy relationship is built on respect and mutual understanding, not fear.
8. You feel like you have to hide things from your partner
You’re scared of how your partner will react if they find out about something, so you hide it.
This could be something small, like not telling them about a phone call you received, or something bigger like lying about where you were last night.
No matter the size of the secret, this is a sign that your partner is not trustworthy and that you feel like you need to keep things from them in order to stay safe.
9. You can’t report them to anyone when they are wrong
Sometimes, we report our partners to people they respect when they do something wrong.
This is a good move, especially if we can’t agree.
But if you cannot even do that, then it means your partner is so powerful or has such influence over you that you are afraid of reporting them to anyone.
So you’d rather be suffering in silence.
10. You can’t break up with them
If you think your relationship is not working long-term but still can’t bring yourself to break up with your partner even when it’s the best thing for both of you, you might be afraid of them.
Your partner may have made threats or manipulated you into staying in the relationship.
LAST THOUGHTS
Well, if you are in these shoes, my first piece of advice would be for you to try to talk to someone you trust about what’s going on.
Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a therapist, it’s important to have someone you can confide in.
It’s hard to get out of a toxic relationship on your own, so having support is crucial.
Moreover, I always encourage people to educate themselves on the signs of an unhealthy relationship.
There are a lot of resources available online and in books that can help people understand what’s happening and what steps they can take to improve their situation.
Also, there’s a lot of work that’s needed to be done on your self-esteem, or your subsequent relationships may follow this same pattern.
I also think that positive affirmations can be helpful for you if you exhibit any of these signs.
For example, repeating to yourself: “I am strong, bold, a and fearless,” or “I am worthy of love” can be really powerful.
Affirmations can help to change your mindset and boost your self-esteem, which is so important when you’re trying to break free from a toxic relationship.
Like I said in my opening statement, never forget that there is no fear in love.